Sorry if this ends up being long/not making much sense.
Background-Myself and DH have an amazing toddler. Amazing, but a typical, exhausting toddler. We have both also worked throughout the pandemic (DH has actually worked abroad for a lot of it so I’ve been alone) and no family near by.
I’ll be honest I’ve been a bit overwhelmed at times, but generally I’ve been fine. A lot of my friends have struggled with their physical and mental health so I do what I can to check in on them, even when sometimes it’s just a “how are you?” Text. My DH has also been struggling badly with his mental health, so I’ve been doing what I can to support him. It has made home life tough at times.
Now, I know I’m not depressed or anything, but as I said before I have been feeling massively overwhelmed...so a few weeks ago I just stopped checking up on some friends and I’ve muted big group chats. I’ve put all my energy into my DC and husband, plus keeping myself healthy. I’ve also still been in (pretty much daily) contact with my family and my best friend who has had some health issues. Plus I’ve still been socialising with friends/going on play dates.
If anyone texts I still reply. And of course I care how they are and ask after them.
There are a few friends that I checked up on a lot (they are all married/have family close by etc but have been through some stressful times-nothing life threatening or anything. We’re talking health issues like a broken arm-not any serious medical problems ). I’ve looked at our last messages and they are all from me so I’ve not stopped replying or anything.
But I’m suddenly thinking why should I always be the one checking how other people are? They are all aware of some difficulties that have happened in my life but none are asking how I am!
Ive been so drained and run down for so long and I suddenly feel so much lighter now that I’ve put down my phone and stopped constantly messaging to see how they are.
Examples why I think IABU
-1 friend (who has not been in touch for months/hardly replying to my regular texts) has just told me she’s moving abroad. She gave me a weeks notice and was upset I couldn’t see her (I’m away visiting family).
-another friend (one I checked on regularly) has put one of THOSE statuses up on Facebook-just saying that you know who your real friends are as they keep in touch and check how you are. I’ve not seen her in 6 months, she’s cancelled on me 3 times within this time, and very rarely replies/answers the phone to me (however when she feels texts it’s huge messages saying how much she misses me and asking why we never see each other). It’s a 90min round trip to her house so it’s not as if I can easily just pop round.!That’s what has actually got me thinking about all this.
So....if you got this far-AIBU to stop regularly contacting these friends?