AIBU to wonder if our parents were as interested in what we did at school?

[FawnFrenchieMum]

AIBU to wonder when the interest in education and what happens in schools become so much more of a concern to parents or has it always been but as children we just weren’t aware?

For example, there are posts every hour on her asking if it’s right that x,y&z is happening in the classroom (sat next to the wrong person, given work too / easy hard, too much / not enough homework).

I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve had to contact school to clarify what happened in certain situations or raise my concerns that something wasn’t dealt with appropriately etc.

I genuinely don’t believe my parents ever contacted school except for standard parents evenings. So was this just my parents, is it a generation thing? When and why did it change? Is it a good or bad thing?

My DS has just started at secondary I seem to be constantly notified of WhatsApp and fb queries (groups I'm part of as a fellow parent, I'm not admin or anything) from other parents about homework, logging into the homework app, lunchtime and after school clubs, what their child is having for lunch, what if they run out of money etc . Today there was a parents eve for year 11 parents on whats expected regarding revision, different techniques etc. I'm pretty sure my parents had nowhere near this level of involvement. To be honest I am much more lazylaid back than a lot of the parents. Of course I help my DC get ready, make sure they are equipped etc, but I'm not that bothered about what they buy at the canteen and I encourage homework but I dont get overly involved.

I don't think my parents ever contacted school. I was in secondary school in the 80s & they weren't especially interested.

I rarely contact school about my own children. We're both teachers and we're fairly hands off. We support at home by making sure they have the stuff they need but that's it really.

DH did teach both ours for a year and I never really found out much about what they had been learning.

I was in school in the late 80s and 90s. My Mum was a dinner lady in my Primary School so found out a lot of things through that but I'm pretty sure the only time they were even slightly interested in Secondary school was when it was parents evening and even then they only wanted to see maths, English and science teachers.

It depends so much on the school as well- my son's school is both sensible and nurturing (so far!) so a lot of things get sorted as they go IYKWIM. It looks like DS may have ASD though so they definitely need to talk to me more as sometimes we can't figure out what's actually upsetting him and how to try and manage it.

It's interesting, because when I think of it, my parents did absolutely F all through my schooling years. Apart from criticise and ask why there's a B or not a top mark. Somehow though, I can read, write, spell and do maths better than my DC at every age so far...

My parents didn't give a shit. And they were educated to postgraduate level, so their disinterest was not around a lack of understanding or support of the principle of education.

It is amazing seeing the level of competitive educating parents have been subjecting their kids to since I have been a parent. Ds 19 is off to uni on Friday and I am still seeing a host of parents weighing in on an experience that is basically butt-all to so with them

I'm not saying I'm immune btw, I've still ensured my DS has actually enrolled. The rest is up to him

@Thundercracked I completely agree and I am feeling your exact pain this week and last week!

Some parents need to trust teachers and schools more, they know their child as a child, we know them as a student, as one person in a group of 30 others, as a learner, see them in their peer groups, they can be so different at home and at school.

I didn’t have homework at primary school, dressing up days, fundraisers etc. There were no behaviour charts, punishments were all in the moment, we didn’t have awards.

I think schools in my childhood were just much more self contained. They expected parents to drop off, pick up and pay for school dinners, that was it. Academically it was low pressure. Ofsted had only just been invented and no testing. Teachers were generally kind, told us off if we were silly but didn’t make it into some sort of crime. Involving our parents would have been unheard of in my school.

I think children, parents and parents were less stressed with school.

My DP weren't disinterested, but I think they expected the school and me to handle things. When MNetters are posting on here about university choices I always think that my DP's would not have known what I was applying for. My future career, my choice.

My parents only met the teachers at parents evening! I actually think that parents get too involved to the detriment of the children these days ! Yes show an interest but don’t be too pushy.

I was at school in the 1950s and my parents were dirt poor working class. They would not have dreamed of contradicting a well educated person like a teacher. My mother only went to the school twice in my history as a pupil. My father was not going to take a day off work for that!

Apart from these occasions my parents exhibited little interest in what I did at school. They were actually quite negative about the fact that I was a bright academic child and made no attempt to encourage me. In fact my father actively stood in my way. I can recall that every time I got a book out he would tell me to go into the kitchen to help my mother, even when I was revising for O levels. This probably explains why I Ioathe housework and now employ a cleaner!

The only person who took an interest in my school work was my grandmother. She had to be careful as relations between her and my parents were strained for reasons I will not go into. In law a grandparent has no rights and she had to tread warily for fear my father would forbid her to see me. Certainly she several times stepped int o buy me shoes and school uniforms when there was no money at home. I did most of my GCE revision in her house and it was thanks to her encouragement that I finally escaped into a middle class profession.

My parents contacted school once.
First year juniors. Newly qualified teacher. Corrected severa of my correct spellings to incorrect (eg. monistory) and taught plain wrong information.
They were the last set of parents to complain. The teacher left at Easter.
My parents first question if we ever moaned was, 'Well what were you doing?' So we tended not to moan but just get on with it. And swear friends to secrecy if we had legitimately been in trouble.

Mine certainly didn't. I vaguely remember them attending a couple of school functions, but otherwise they never mentioned it . Occasionally my mother would ask " Did you learn anything today ?" and that was it. I doubt that they ever contacted the school / about anything at all.

I attended school from 62-74. My mother attended the parent teacher meetings 3 times to my knowledge. Never once walked me to school, which was 1 block short of a mile each way.
Class of 30+ children, all sat individually, no team projects. Face forward, pay attention and work was done.
Behavior issues were dealt with quickly…any child misbehaving was “sent away”.
A class mate in grade 6 put chewing gum on the teachers chair, she was never seen again. Not urban myth.

School itself has changed too though. I remember several days in infants when we made a paper machie volcano as a class. It was awesome! Or random afternoons outside.even in Juniors we didn't really have homework and certainly didn't cover at the speed mine are expected too. The pressure on yr 1/2 is very different. And all the fun creative writing seems to have gone - its very structured task to a LO based exactly on the topic that week.

Its very structured.

On a plus side I think SEN is recognised more rather than before. Although I think classes today are struggle with it more. Maybe school has bizarrely become less accessible!?

I think it's a combination of people's expectations of schools rising (and not necessarily in a good way), and the accessibility of contacting schools. Instead of going in person or if you're lucky being able to call, you can now email anytime, some have apps etc.

My mum was quite involved when I was at school in the 90s. She called a lot about bullying I experienced and maybe 3-5 times a year out with that - a teacher picking on me; medical issues being ignored; not being challenged enough etc. All were warranted though with the bullying I wish she’d left well enough alone

I think my parents went to parents evenings when I was in primary but me starting secondary coincided with them separating, my dad wasn’t very supportive and as self employed fiddled his income so he didn’t have to pay maintenance so I know my Mum struggled hugely for a while working a lot to make ends meet and keep our house. They basically left me to it from that point, didn’t do parents evening or meetings when I was in secondary so I just got on with it myself, I’m sure if I had any problems at school I would have spoke to my mum but I didn’t so I just plodded along.
I have ds15 and ds8, I don’t recall a time I have ever had to speak to school for either of them about problems but I am much more involved in their education, know what they are doing and how they are getting on. Ds15 is starting to look at higher education and we are helpin GB and guiding him with Trevor ds to finding out his options and will go to various open days.
I do think it was more of the norm when I was at school to just be left to get on with it whereas these days school is much more incorporated into family life, both schools have apps which send through regular updates so I always know what’s going on

My parents never went to a single parents' evening.

I imagine it was part of the way of thinking of working-class parents of their time (born end of WW1), that the teachers knew what they were on about. Also my secondary school was a long 'bus ride away to another town.