Sorry for the long post, but my friend is in rather a difficult position, and I'm looking for advice. Certain identifying information has been changed.
I have a friend, who has been with her partner for over 15 years. She is disabled and had a number of heath conditions.
Their granddaughter lives with them full time as per a court order. My friend's partner's son (son in law) pays £60 a month to his dad for his daughter (their granddaughter). My friend does not receive or see this money.
They are not married, he covers the mortgage (house is in his name), utility bills, council tax ect. My friend pays for all food shopping and all expenses relating to the granddaughter. The partner has in his own words set things up this way, so my friend doesn't have a claim. He bought her a little run around, she pays for petrol and covers car expensives.
But as she does all of this, it means he has the time to work and earn money to pay the bills.
My friend receives income based ESA and is on a low income, but has to cover her own prescriptions as well as expenses for grandchild.
My friend does all the food shopping, cooking, cleaning, house admin, laundry, ironing, food prep from scratch and accounts/admin as her partner is self employed. She also does the school run for the granddaughter who lives with them. When her partner has a shift about to start, she'll pack him food and a coffee, and she's told me he doesn't say thank you. They also have a number of pets, and the upkeep falls mainly to her. My friend spends a lot of her time running endless errands, trying to keep on top of everything.
A few months ago, my friend's brother came to visit. My friend had to clean the caravan they were staying at before they came, strip the bedding, provide fresh towels daily and clean the toilet. She also had to buy new bedding out of her own money.
They all went out for a meal, paid for by the visiting family member, but my friend wasn't invited, although they asked if my friend could pick them up afterwards. During this occasion of visiting family, there was a BBQ held by mutual family friends, and again my friend was expected to pick people up afterwards.
She also made a meal for them, as they'd asked her to cook dinner. They went to the pub, turned up later than planned, ate the dinner and left all the washing up for her to do and didn't say thank you. She said she felt like she waited on them like a waitress.
Recently, the son in law (partner's son) moved into the area with his wife and child (another grandchild, but not related to my friend). My friend has been expected to provide childcare for this child. To the extent that the daughter in law went away for the weekend with her mum for drinks and my friend had to look after both grandchildren alone, as her partner barely had anything to do with them.
The daughter in law recently had a birthday, so my friend bought a card and flowers. Her partner had a go at her because their shared grandchild didn't sign it, although the child was at school when she bought and delivered the items. My friend buys all the presents/cards ect for Christmas and birthdays, not her partner. When it's my friends birthdays, her in law's don't even wish her a happy birthday, but she's expected to buy cards and presents for others, and say they are also from her partner.
The daughter in law's iron broke, and my friend had to go and buy her a new one and take it round to her. There's no reason why DIL couldn't have done it herself.
Because of her health conditions she sometimes is in a lot of pain, and needs to rest. Recently, she was resting and her partner said to her why aren't you doing anything around the house?
My friend also has an autistic son in his 30s living at home, and her other daughter (mother of a grandson) has mental health conditions, so she helps her out as well by providing respite childcare, taking her shopping ect, this meant that few weekends ago she had a 3, 4 and 8 year old overnight to look after.
I'm just wondering what her rights are? What can she do to protect herself? She feels like she can't say no otherwise an argument will happen, and he'll shout at her. She left 2 abusive marriages, and when she left the previous one she had no where else to go, the current partner was a mutual friend, and took her and 3 children in. My friend says she's fed up and feels stuck
I just wish she'd be treated a lot better than she is, she's in a vulnerable position, and feels she needs to do x y and z, as she'd have no where else to go. She's a lovely person and a dear friend, I've known her a few years and met her through a reading club at our library.
Thank you for reading, sorry for it being so long.