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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Wedding gift - money?

35 replies

Leilalow12 · 15/09/2021 17:30

Hello,

I was looking for advice in regards to my brother requesting money for his wedding, he also had a money poem.

I'm slightly angry at the fact he asked my mum "how much he was getting" and said his fiancées parents were giving them a few thousand... and if my mum was going to match that.

What are your opinions on this? My parents are both retired having worked minimum wage jobs and saving (in my opinion people should use their savings on themselves - they're not bank machines). Also my brother and his fiancee are in well paid jobs. My parents also previously gifted a decent sum of money for a home deposit a few years ago as well as contributing to the wedding a bit

I'm now considering whether to give a an actual gift rather than money. I actually think gifts are more personal but if I'm honest I'm unsure what I'd buy - I was thinking around £50-100 but I also have other siblings so maybe we could do a group gift. What re your opinions on this please? I'm worried this could cause a rift since my brother has expectations about how much he should receive? (Unfairly I feel) I thought weddings were about two people getting married...

Thanks in advance

OP posts:

Original poster

Leilalow12 · 15/09/2021 18:34

My mum asked me because now she feels guilty and upset and wanted my opinion so saying its not my business is not right. My family have been through a lot the last two years health wise so I'm very protective of them!

What a rude thing to assume I at no point said that? It's to not give less its because I have other siblings who have no partners therefore it makes sense to put money in card togther if they're happy with that

OP posts:

hulahooper2 · 15/09/2021 18:34

I wouldn’t have a problem with my brother asking this , maybe it’s to help them plan finances

Original poster

Leilalow12 · 15/09/2021 18:35

Thank you for you support, that comment upset me because my mum has been through a lot and I want to make sure both my parents are OK. My mum said she can't give x amount and not do the same in the future with me or my other siblings

OP posts:

Original poster

Leilalow12 · 15/09/2021 18:44

Nothing wrong with cash I was thinking of gifting them something more sentimental like overnight at the place they got engaged. Will likely be cash though thank you for your comment 😊

OP posts:

Fraine · 15/09/2021 18:46

@Leilalow12 no worries. I also have an entitled and grabby brother so know exactly where you're coming from. There's nothing wrong in telling your mum that giving him money would be a bad idea as it's not fair to treat siblings differently just because one keeps being demanding and ignores the fact that his parents aren't rich, but just have saved money from minimum paid jobs.

Chloemol · 15/09/2021 18:53

Gosh he’s rude. Perhaps your parents should remind him about the deposit and the wedding they have already given money for.

As to wanting cash, I don’t give cash, I will give vouchers to a shop I know they use.

ShanghaiDiva · 15/09/2021 19:01

@hulahooper2

I wouldn’t have a problem with my brother asking this , maybe it’s to help them plan finances

If they are relying on cash gifts to plan their finances, I would suggest they are in dire of a lesson in financial management.

ShanghaiDiva · 15/09/2021 19:05

Your brother sounds quite rude. He cannot dictate the size of the gift!
Your parents should give what they wish to give, taking into account there are other children and more weddings down the line ie gifting an equal sum.
If I were you I would give cash: 100?

Wowjustwow99 · 15/09/2021 19:18

My brother and now life asked for money for there wedding but are both in very very well paid jobs.
I refused to give money to a sibling for a wedding so I took some photos on the way and had some one paint the venue for them.

I just think it's weird giving sibling money especially when they earn 10 more than I do !

peboh · 15/09/2021 20:24

@Wowjustwow99

My brother and now life asked for money for there wedding but are both in very very well paid jobs. I refused to give money to a sibling for a wedding so I took some photos on the way and had some one paint the venue for them.

I just think it's weird giving sibling money especially when they earn 10 more than I do !

But if they earn more then you, surely you didn't need to gift them anything with that logic. They could use their own money to buy what they want.

I don't see why people have issue with gifting money if that's what the couple ask for. It doesn't matter if it's £5 or £500.

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