To expect tradesperson to knock before entering

[NameChangerDanger]

Long story short, we’re having a new kitchen fitted. There have been some communication issues which have caused me to become quite frustrated with the owner of the kitchen company (small, local outfit). He and I had a bit of a falling out when we were advised that the kitchen was being delivered directly to us on a date we’d never been asked about and which was apparently immovable unless we paid more money. To be fair, it would have been no problem had our tiler not been delayed. The point is, we were never asked and I don’t know whether it was locked in before or after the delay was known.

It really came to a head today when he wanted to charge us to put right a mistake he made in measuring up. Nothing huge- a new drawer for a unit. He claimed he hadn’t known the stopcock was where it is, despite seeing it for himself, and a very long conversation about this very thing.

What has really pissed me off is that he lets himself in. We have found him in our kitchen talking to our (independent) tiler on two occasions. Today his fitters are here and he let himself in again. Sometimes we know he’s coming, sometimes it’s unannounced. He apparently sees no problem with this. He doesn’t see the point in knocking if there are other tradespeople here.

DH, trying to broker some peace, unhelpfully agreed with him that it’s okay to let himself in when his fitters are here. Apparently this is “subtly different” to another independent tradesperson. It also skimmed over the fact he had let himself in when tradespeople who are nothing to do with him are here.

I think, in both cases, it’s incredibly rude. This is my home, I’m usually here with a small child and I wouldn’t dream of letting myself into someone else’s home in a business capacity.

AIBU?

I get that the bloke has pissed you off and this is one part of a series of annoyances, but does this really matter? We've had work done recently, and this is pretty standard - if someone is already on the job, other trades will just wander in and join them.

However, I totally understand why you want to put a stop to it if you have young children/animals in the house who might escape if the door is left open or opened unexpectedly.

What has really pissed me off is that he lets himself in. We have found him in our kitchen talking to our (independent) tiler on two occasions. Today his fitters are here and he let himself in again. Sometimes we know he’s coming, sometimes it’s unannounced. He apparently sees no problem with this. He doesn’t see the point in knocking if there are other tradespeople here.

In my experience people who push and break whatever boundaries are to be removed from your life, there is something wrong with them.

There is also the cat who walked tile adhesive everywhere yesterday. And the fact that he wouldn’t have known which bits of the floor to walk on without screwing up the fresh tiling.

I probably am overreacting, but I think if a customer says they are uncomfortable with something (and it’s not completely unreasonable) you should probably just agree to a change rather than arguing your way is fine.

If there are other tradesmen there surely the door is open as they come and go to their van? It's really not his fault if the cat walked out the tile adhesive.

It’s pretty standard in my experience for tradesmen to let themselves in when they’re working on your house and there are other trades there. Especially if it’s the kitchen door. And I’d prefer that to getting up to answer the door every time.

@TimetohittheroadJack

If there are other tradesmen there surely the door is open as they come and go to their van? It's really not his fault if the cat walked out the tile adhesive.

It’s closed, but not locked. Because of children/cat/rain/cold.

I don’t blame anyone for the cat. It’s just one of the reasons the door is kept shut.

I feel violated by people walking into my home without me letting them in or an agreement that they can come and go as they please.

When I was getting my kitchen done, I left the kitchen door unlocked for them and locked the door from the kitchen into the house by tying a rope from the kitch door to another door. If they had questions they had to walk to the front door and ask me a question, they couldn't just walk around my house.

I think they view it as a building site not someone's home and themselves as the most important person in the place and I can guarantee you they wouldn't want you wondering in when they were watching TV or on a private phone call in their living room. Boundary violaters and entitled with no empathy, as I say there so something wrong with people like that.

If there are other people there, I totally wouldn't expect him to knock each time.

If you have people working in your house, it's your responsibility to keep the children/cat safe and away from the door. We have three cats and a dog and whenever we have work doing, someone is always here to monitor doors and we tend to just shut the cats away from whatever's going on.

I think they view it as a building site not someone's home

This is the crux of it for me. Being the daughter of a tradesman who has always been super conscious that he is in someone’s private space, I guess my expectations are high.

If you have people working in your house, it's your responsibility to keep the children/cat safe and away from the door. We have three cats and a dog and whenever we have work doing, someone is always here to monitor doors and we tend to just shut the cats away from whatever's going on.

This is really an aside, in response to a pp. The invasion of personal space, unannounced, is my annoyance.

This is really an aside, in response to a pp. The invasion of personal space, unannounced, is my annoyance.

I just don't see it as an invasion when you already have numerous workers on site anyway. A courtesy text to say he'll be there at some point on Wednesday to see Dave might be a nice thing, but maybe he just doesn't want to knock and disturb you unnecessarily?

I don’t know whether it makes any difference to opinions, but on every occasion he has been coming to see me/DH. He’s not here for long. He doesn’t actually do any of the work.

I don’t expect the tradesmen to knock every time they go in/out. That’s ridiculous. But they all knock in the morning when they first arrive, before they come and go as they please for the rest of the day.

I can see the next thread already -

"Tradesmen driving me mad by knocking every time they go out and come back in again".....

Once you've a trade in its fair game for anyone else to come and go, just the way it is.
Presumably if the gaffer wants you he shouts up the stairs though, rather than wandering around bedrooms looking for you?

@DecadentlyDecisive

I can see the next thread already -

"Tradesmen driving me mad by knocking every time they go out and come back in again".....

See above. Not my expectation.

I guess @SunIsBehindGreySky and I are on our own here! I suppose next time I need to make my expectations clear at the start, as they’re not the “norm”.

Either think though as I did last time or have it written into a contract, as your Dad showed you, there is something wrong with people who do this stuff, you shouldn't accept it if you don't like it, just because others accept it.

@SunIsBehindGreySky

Either think though as I did last time or have it written into a contract, as your Dad showed you, there is something wrong with people who do this stuff, you shouldn't accept it if you don't like it, just because others accept it.

Yes, I agree.

I don’t think it’s unreasonable to ask someone to make themselves known before they enter the house for the first time each day.

I have softened slightly in seeing this man as Satan reincarnate if he’s grown used to it being a different way. Normal doesn’t necessarily equal right, but it goes some way to explaining why we’ve ended up here.

Communication, communication, communication! I think he and I have right royally failed with it this time. The kitchen is at least beautiful!

I think if a customer says they are uncomfortable with something (and it’s not completely unreasonable) you should probably just agree to a change rather than arguing your way is fine.

^^
This! I can’t understand why the building trade sees itself as so difficult to other trades/ industries/ walks of life in this respect.