Aibu To not tell DH I'm Pregnant?

[ShushShushShush]

I don't mean like, ever, I just mean, yet.

I've known since Monday when I got a faint positive and they're getting darker.

We've had a lot of loss the past year or so. 1 baby in the second trimester and 2 miscarriages this year so far. This will be my fourth pregnancy in a 13 months.

A positive pregnancy test doesn't mean we'll get a baby and we're both really aware of that.

It feels like if I tell him, there will be hope, and I can't bear to disapoint him again. There's just been so much sadness.

But I feel bad not telling him.

Shush wishing you and Mr Shush all that your hearts desire.

I can't bear to disapoint him again.

You're not disappointing him, circumstances are disappointing. Don't take on the mental load by yourself. You both need minding and you can be there for each other. I'd let him know that you took a test and it's looking positive. Then wait until you are actually overdue your period to do another one. He might be more disappointed that you're keeping it from him, especially as he's already asking when your period is due. Fingers crossed for things to go well this time.

I didn't tell DH about what ended up being my 3rd miscarriage but only because I suspected I would lose it as well - and I did - I wish I had told him though as he couldn't understand why I was feeling down one day and we got in a bit of a row and it all came out. It wasn't a very nice way of telling him I was pregnant and so I made sure not to do that in the next one. We did go on to have several more losses. With my twins I felt different and I was getting really good test lines and blood tests so felt more confidant so I did leave it a few days to surprise him on Father's Day

I understand why you want to keep it to yourself for a bit but I worry that you are carrying all the worry alone.
Let him in.

Good luck to you @ShushShushShush

I really hope that I can come back to this thread in 9 months time and you tell us the brilliant news of your baby. Everything crossed for you. We lost our first baby and I still think about her (I always imagined she was a girl) every day.

Thank you so much everyone. For all your kindness I appreciate it so much ❤️

He did deserve to know, we came home to a digital pregnancy test I'd ordered and he opened the parcel, so I ended up doing that. So he knows now and we'll see how it goes.

Really hope I get to come back to this thread in May 2022 with lovely news. Positive mental attitude and all that.

Thank you everyone ❤️

If you tested really early I think it's totally fine waiting until your period is a few days late. Might also be worth getting a couple of beta Hcg tests to make sure the numbers are doubling appropriately. But if he'l know something is off and you want to tell him then you should do. Good luck.

I can understand your train of thought, when I got pregnant with this baby after years of infertility and loss I nearly booked a secret scan without DH to see if the pregnancy was viable, he knew I was pregnant but I just wanted to go to that scan alone because I found it difficult to deal with anyone else's emotions other than my own and I had a real fear I'd lose this baby so I wanted to deal with that alone first. Your post has really brought me back to those early weeks and just how stressful they are for those of us who have suffered through loss and infertility, they were pretty horrendous once the initial joy of the bfp settled down. I hope this is your time OP

Wishing you the happiest of times and heaven forbid something goes wrong again.
You are in this together, you aren’t protecting him by not telling him and he could be hurt that you didn’t feel you could share the news.

I've had multiple losses and I asked my dh the other day how he'd feel if I kept a pregnancy to myself for a while and he said he would be really hurt and heartbroken that I'd kept it from him. I couldn't not tell him, we're a team and in this together, it's been a heartbreaking journey but even more isolating if I couldn't tell my husband.

Best wishes for this pregnancy ❤️

I will be keeping my fingers crossed that you do, indeed, come back with happy news.

Good luck, I really do hope it goes well for you. I’ve been there, two losses before my son was born in June this year. It’s so hard to not be an anxious mess. There was no excitement when I found out or told anyone, all I could feel was anxiety that I’d have to follow it up with bad news at some point in the future. Your day will come, hopefully it’ll be May next year xxx

Best of luck xx

I didn't tell my DH about our current/final pregnancy until 3 weeks after I got bfp, at 8dpo. I had a missed miscarriage 2 months before which was just terrible for us both, and I didn't want to think about it, talk about it or get his hopes up when it was so early and could miscarry at any time. I actually only told him because I had a huge bleed and thought it was over, at least that way I wasn't getting his/our hopes up. Turned out to be a subchoronioc haematoma and all was fine. He completely understood why I hadn't told him.

I'll be thinking of you, OP

@ShushShushShush I’ve got everything crossed for you x🙏