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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think people (especially children) don’t need to be eating constantly?

167 replies

constantlyeating · 15/09/2021 13:01

NC because I am going to get flamed for this.

I’m wondering whether this is why we have an obesity crisis. We are all constantly snacking!

For children it seems to have become: breakfast, morning break snack, school lunch, snack on the way back from school, dinner and then another something before bed— if not more often.

Does anyone have just 3 meals a day anymore? What ever happened to food only being eaten at the table?

OP posts:
Kakser · 15/09/2021 16:18

[quote gunnersgold]@Kakser I have autoimmune thyroid disease so struggle to lose weight but I'm just not hungry enough ever to eat 3 x a day regardless . And I'm active and busy . I also don't eat meat or drink so don't consume extra calories. Also super short which shows every pound 🙄.. thanks for the advice though 🤷‍♀️[/quote]
Well that's not really what your original post said though is it? You said you eat two meals a day and that's more than enough, and implied it should be the same for everyone. Obviously your situation is far from most people's. I'm sorry about your condition though - clearly I wouldn't have posted that had I known.

Whybirdwhy · 15/09/2021 16:21

I understand OP although I do think kids need the odd snack when they're growing and active.

What I'm fucking sick of is people interrupting my kids playing to offer them sweets just because we're at the park/going for a walk/whatever. They weren't hungry, you could've just given them discreetly to your own kids but no, now I either look like a mean parent for leaving them feeling left out and disappointed about something they never even asked for, or I regularly let them eat a load of shite - because this happens all the time.

My kids get given sweets after dance club, brownies, school, football practice etc nearly every week because it's the last day of term or it's the coach's birthday or they did something well or its Halloween/Christmas etc etc.

It's so unnecessary and I feel it creates unhealthy associations.

And how nice that everyone can treat my kids - except for me because I have no opportunity really after everyone else has got in the first.

Sorry, the thread was not really about that. Just having a rant!!!!

Gingerkittykat · 15/09/2021 17:20

@ReeseWitherfork

Isn't there some science somewhere that shows six small meals is better than 3 big ones? I hate big meals, I much prefer smaller portions; I do sometimes wonder if I have quite a small stomach (is that a thing?!)

I think the obesity crisis has got more to do with the 'convenient' swaps we've made in modern life. Premade pastry that's made with vegetable oils (polyunsaturated fat) than homemade stuff with butter (saturated fat).

I think the thinking has changed here.

I am diabetic, when I was diagnosed I was told to eat 6 times a day to keep my blood sugar stable.

Now fasting seems to be encouraged, I'm currently eating within a 2-hour window and am doing great. I was going to do the 800 calorie diet but instead I don't count anything. Tonight I am having a Take away with Japanese oyakadon, Korean fried sweet and spicy chicken and fried dunplings (shared with my family so not as huge as it sounds!). It's a high calorie meal but it doesn't matter since it's less calories than I need in the day. Yesterday I had a home made vegetable and tomato pasta with cheese on top so I'm eating a mix of foods.

I surprisingly don't really feel too hungry, don't have the urge to binge on sweet things like I did before, my blood sugar levels are good, I'm steadily losing weight and I'm sleeping better.

WrongWayApricot · 15/09/2021 17:21

Depends on if you have afters I think. If you have just a sandwich at lunch a snack at 3pm ain't gonna hurt is it.

DeepaBeesKit · 15/09/2021 17:28

What horrifies me is how huge some of the "snacks" given out to some kids are. I spent a day with a friend once. Her 3 year old was fed 3 large meals, but also give a whole croissant as a morning "snack" then later on a peanut butter sandwich as a "snack". That's not a snack, for a 3 year old that's a full meal.

Fizbosshoes · 15/09/2021 17:33

My DC are totally different and I imagine most people are too.DD barely eats anything at meals but grazes throughout the day. She has always been a fussy eater and as someone who has previously struggled with an ED I try not to get too wound up about it.shes a healthy weight and probably doesnt consume any more calories by eating little and often than someone eating 3 larger meals per day.DS is more of a feast or famine type. He missed lunch a few times at school and never wants to take or buy food as a snacks but could out-eat any of us at an evening meal even when he was quite young. He is also a healthy weight.

TheLovelinessOfDemons · 15/09/2021 17:35

Actual government advice says to give children a nutritious after school snack, DS3 needs it particularly as he not only has ADHD but also converts carbs to sugars ridiculously quickly and then crashes. They have no snack for first break. DS2's secondary school canteen is open at first break for pizza slices and sandwiches. He usually buys one then and one at lunch. So he's eating little and often rather than 3 big meals. He doesn't have an after school snack.

ShaneTheThird · 15/09/2021 18:05

Nope, I'm a grazer which is a normal way to be. I eat when I'm hungry, even if it's little bits all day long. It's not normal to have 3 set meals a day. As a hunter gatherer species.

LolaRoses · 15/09/2021 18:14

I agree, OP.

You're going to get a lot of 'But, growth spurts!!!' type of crap replies on here though

UntilYourNextHairBrainedScheme · 15/09/2021 18:32

Gingerkittykat that's my experience too, though without the diabetes.

My parents live their entire lives around 3 meals per day and did even when I was a child and they were working in professional carers. Everyone and everything had to stop for set meal times, lots of pleading and coaxing of "fussy" sibling to eat, lots of praise for "goodeaters" but simultaneously limiting of the portion size of girls once they hit puberty to a smaller plate and half of everything - half a patie, half a sausage roll, half a slice of toast, half a croissant, pudding as a bribe for a clear plate at the main course, not eating breakfast or missing or not "trying to manage" to eat all of a meal regarded as similar to mooning the vicar at family communion, "Sunday dinner" being a roast absolutely non negotiable even on the hottest summer day, or a really busy day, or a day everyone was unwell... Snacks aside from fruit (mainly apples) not allowed or strictly rationed with great theatre (yet at boarding school biscuits were handed out by the school daily as I mentioned up thread).

It did nobody any good. Family rife with eating disorders. Constantly felt disgruntled and dissatisfied at getting less than I wanted of things I liked but having to finish things I didn't.

I've grown to loathe the "I couldn't possibly manage all this" drama that some people act out around every plate of food and would rather have nothing than half of something I want the whole of!

I'd rather eat one really hearty, good, tasty meal per day and feel satisfied and happy than three unsatisfactory little bits which leave me hungrier than before because they're refineded carbohydrates like toast and jam or cereal or just because psychologically expecting to eat and getting "a few bits" (a typical example being two cherry tomatoes, a piece of cucumber, a couple of scraps of lettuce, half a sausage roll, half a slice of bread and a sliver of cheese) is just a taunt!

Eating little and often is unsatisfying, leaves people constantly thinking about food and doesn't give the body a break from digesting.

I'm not sure why huter gatherers are held up as a good example - not only did they have a short life expectancy, its also not remotely comparable to how people now eat little and often - hunter gatherers wouldn't have been eating after dark on a regular basis, nor did they probably have breakfast before their equivalent of "work"...

Healthy adults and older children don't need to eat more often than they want to, whether its once or six times per day. Nothing bad happens if you cut out breakfast. In fact most people will be less hungry by late morning if they've been fasting since dinner the day before than if they ate cereal or toast at 7am.

ReeseWitherfork · 15/09/2021 19:02

This thread makes me quite sad because of the fixation. Why the hell are we so fixated on what we eat, when we eat, how much we eat. It's all ridiculous over analysing. Learn some basic nutrition, make smart choices, know what your body needs, and eat when you want to and not when society or your colleagues tell you that you should.

MolyHolyGuacamole · 15/09/2021 19:27

@ReeseWitherfork

This thread makes me quite sad because of the fixation. Why the hell are we so fixated on what we eat, when we eat, how much we eat. It's all ridiculous over analysing. Learn some basic nutrition, make smart choices, know what your body needs, and eat when you want to and not when society or your colleagues tell you that you should.
It's fatphobica disguised as concern for health.

Once again, for all the threads I see on here about how much people eat, there are no where near as many on alcohol consumption or smoking. It's just the visibility of fatness that inspires people to come to sites like this and rant about it.

lazylinguist · 15/09/2021 19:32

Why the hell are we so fixated on what we eat, when we eat, how much we eat. It's all ridiculous over analysing. Learn some basic nutrition, make smart choices, know what your body needs, and eat when you want to and not when society or your colleagues tell you that you should.

If it were as easy as that, nobody would be overweight. We are hard-wired to seek out highly calorific food as if our lives depended on it, because our lives once did depend on it. We are fixated on food because we are simultaneously programmed to think it's the most important thing and are aware that it's making us unhealthy.

Goldenbear · 15/09/2021 20:37

Conversely, not everyone is overweight and it is as easy as that for some people. Unfairly some people have high metabolic rates where they don't have to worry about being overweight let alone obese- in all honesty, why shouldn't you snack why does it have to be the same rule for everyone.

MessOfEyelinerAndSpraypaint · 15/09/2021 22:55

@chateauxNeufDePoop Grin
🎶😂 Made my day!

FurrySlipperBoots · 15/09/2021 23:34

I'm with you OP! This year I've been a holiday nanny for multiple families and this snacking trend is driving me bats! No sooner have I finished vacuuming after breakfast than the kids are given a croissant or a bag of crisps, and it just continues in a constant stream throughout the day. Parents seem to think because it's a 'snack' it's ok to eat on the sofa or running around the house, spreading crumbs and sticky finger everywhere. It's impossible to keep the house clean, and they go on to play or look at books without washing their hands too. I've worked with so many families who stress out (to the point of force-feeding, which I find abhorrent!) over their children not eating meals. Well, no they wouldn't would they, because they've been snacking on salty and sugary foods all day, and they can safely refuse their spaghetti bolognese confident in the knowledge that the snacks will continue all evening! I'm not 'anti snack', I think one mid morning and one mid afternoon is necessary for preschoolers and something afterschool to keep older kids going is fine, but this grazing business is driving me bonkers.

I don't know how much of an impact it's having on weight - most of the kids have been a healthy weight, whereas I'm a couple of stone overweight and rarely have a snack, but it certainly can't be doing their teeth any good! Or their health generally, as for the most part it's junk food. As for the determent to the soft furnishings... Well I for one am sick of it.

Anotherbrokenairer · 16/09/2021 00:06

@SafeMove

I do 16:8 so I only eat twice a day, max. Sometimes once a day.

My DC are similar tbh - DS1&2 point blank refuse to eat breakfast as DS1 doesn't like breakfast food Hmm and DS2 feels sick in the morning as he is a night owl. DD eats 3 square meals but the portions are tiny. Poverty means there have been no snacks. Which makes me feel a very shit parent but I just didn't have the budget. We are now a 70K a year household after a major life change in 2019. We still can't get used to not worrying about food scarcity! I can't get used to filling the fridge/cupboards at all.

@SafeMove Wow! Hope you don't mind me asking but what changed?
Bobsyer · 16/09/2021 00:16

I disagree. Because I think it’s particularly adults that don’t need to continually snack.

Some kids too, of course, but I have one kid who would constantly nibble on fruit and veg and have smaller meals if he could - he’s slightly underweight.

No adult that isn’t a pro athlete needs to though.

QueenofDestruction · 16/09/2021 00:33

I remember growing up in the 80s and had 3 meals a day, if I was hungry in between I was pointed to the fruit bowl. On weekends we were allowed a chocolate and 1 packet of crisps as a treat. In school my lunchbox had a sandwich, a fruit and juice. This was similar to most if my friends and we were all skinny.Breakfast was egg on toast or porridge and dinner was usually meat, 2 veg and a starch.

Things like ice creams, takeaways were very rare treats maybe 6 times a year and food was all cooked from scratch.No snacking except for fruit and if you were really lucky a yoghurt.

Kanaloa · 16/09/2021 00:52

I don’t know why people act like this is a brand new thing that just started in recent years.

When I was a kid it was

Breakfast - sugary cereal
Play piece at school - crisps and fruit shoot
Lunch - school lunch
Dinner - something chips and beans
Supper - tea and toast, usually with jam

My kids eat way healthier than I did, and so do the majority of children I know. The biggest difference is that my kids walk less/play out less. Their exercise is mainly coming from extra curricular clubs, and a lot of children in my area don’t do sports clubs/activities.

Kanaloa · 16/09/2021 00:54

Although I’m not that bothered if other kids snack really. Encourage mine to eat healthily and I don’t snack much myself, but people do what works for them. Some people will have healthy snacks and be a healthy weight, others will not snack but have unhealthy meals and be fat.

Notimeforaname · 16/09/2021 01:19

Pre school I worked at in france only gave lunch at 11am and then a snack at 3pm.
For the slightly older kids it was midday and 4pm.

Majority of those children arrived between 7.30am -8.30am and didn't get home til 6-7pm in evenings.

I'm hard pressed to remember even a handful of children /adults who were overweight there. This is of course only my experience in one setting but it must be correlated.

Gothichouse40 · 16/09/2021 01:24

I think it's the increase in eating takeaway meals. This now seems to be normal whereas we had them as a treat/special occasion. No one seems to cook from fresh anymore and this is not a judgement. I was a young mum once, I appreciate many people may not have the time to cook with demanding jobs, after-school clubs etc. Ive got to confess, Im not a great fruit eater, prefer vegetables.

YourFinestPantaloons · 16/09/2021 01:28

YANBU.

We went away with another family in the summer and I was Shock at how often their kids ate. A snack would be a jacket potato, tin of pasta shapes, a couple of sandwiches or similar! Day consisted of:

Breakfast
Post-breakfast snack
Brunch of some sort
Lunch
Early afternoon snack
Late afternoon snack
Dinner
Post dinner snack
Supper

They also obsessed about about the kids being hungry and if I had a pound for every time they said "you kids must be starving" I could she paid for the holiday

I'm no perfect parent but so many people don't seem to understand what a healthy relationship with food looks like. And these people have kids and pass those bad habits on to them

SafeMove · 16/09/2021 06:37

@Anotherbrokenairer no, it's fine. So between 2013-19 I was a lone parent of 3dc with no maintenance coming in due to abusive exH and we were homeless twice due to crappy rentals. Me and the kids had to sleep on mattresses on my parents floor and then a friend's floor in one bedroom for a couple of months each time. I worked PT because DD was a toddler so was on a low income, then got made redundant in 2015, so decided to study for an MSc and had x2 min wage, zero hours contract jobs that only gave me between 16-20 hours per week work but were so variable.

This was the worst time, we had to use food banks and my MH was on the floor due to a court case. Then I got a FT job in 2017 but it had to support the four of us (me and 3DC), and tax credits reduced and I was paying off my masters, so wasn't much better off tbh. In late 2018 I met DP, went to a two income household in 2019, got a big promotion in 2020, DP got a promotion beginning of 2021 so our income is now 70k and we have just bought a house together. Even yesterday the DC were talking about how in one of the crappy, tiny rental houses we never had food in the fridge. Food scarcity is a thing in this country. I went from a middle class income marriage, big house etc, to leaving with a broken jaw, about 6 years of being very poor, to returning to the middle class income, decent house etc. It can happen so easily and life feels very precarious tbh. I don't think I'll ever rest on my laurels. I just feel terrible I dragged the DC through it Sad