Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

To ask would you think less of me if I was your employee?

27 replies

Charliechoosecarefully · 15/09/2021 13:00

Hi all,

Name change for this, I don't know why really but I feel like a loser but I have posted about some of the events before so may be easily recognised, not sure but here goes:-

Just to add I'm 26 years old and I've been with the company three years - never had any issues until now.

I found out I was pregnant in May 2020 and between July - October 2020 I had roughly about eight weeks off sick due to hyperemesis and hospital admissions almost every week so in October I took some holidays and started my maternity leave at 29 weeks in November due to being unwell and not wanting to take anymore time off.

I had a c section in January and my dad died in March and I spent my whole maternity leave either runnning up and down to the hospital when my dad was alive, I watched my dad die (it was an awful experience the 2.5 months he was poorly anyway but watching him die was gut renching), I was caring for my mum as she has learning difficulties and her landlord decided to call us to sell the house two weeks after my dad died which had been my mums home for 21 years, we managed to sort all of that out and got settled and then my granddad died (my mums dad) in July so I was back to square one with her all whilst raising a tiny human for the first time battling sleep deprivation and the lot (I know most mums do this and it's not like I could sleep anyway) and then I went back to work in August, I thought I was doing okay but I think I was just distracted and never dealt with my grief and just ignored everything I was feeling and then when I went back to work and had some "normality" back it really started to hit me so I've spoken to a doctor who has signed me off for four weeks but I think realistically I'm probably going to need about eight weeks as I'm taking part in talking therapy and that's eight sessions and work won't allow me to do it in their time (obviously I understand that) but I wouldn't want to either as I imagine these sessions are going to be quite emotional and would like to at least do the first eight sessions in peace if that makes sense so I can reflect and do what I need to do to get better. Although this isn't set in stone, if I feel better I'm happy to return earlier but I don't want to go back and then be off again because I wasn't fully ready.

However I feel like I'm being a really bad employee and mum and think I need to get a grip - if you were my employer would you think I was taking the mick and try to sack me when I came back

OP posts:

AdditionalCharacter · 15/09/2021 13:03

No good employer would think badly of you if you needed to be off for those reasons. That is certainly a lot to cope with even without having a new baby.

Take the time off you need and don't feel pressured going back

PinkiOcelot · 15/09/2021 13:04

Honestly?! No I wouldn’t. You’ve been through a lot all at once. You’re not taking the mick. Hope you feel better soon x

MaryHadALittleRam · 15/09/2021 13:10

No I wouldn't, I hope you feel better soon
You've had a lot to deal with

Cerridwen83 · 15/09/2021 13:17

Not at all. I line manage someone similar to your situation.

You are protecting your mental health and well-being. I want happy employees, not employees who are too burnt out and stressed to effectively do their job.

LittleOwl153 · 15/09/2021 13:22

No. I'd want to k ow you were dealing with whatever was causing you to have time off - I'd be less impressed if you were sitting at home doing nothing or continuing with things that were not helping. But knowing you were taking action to resolve then no I would want you to get it sorted and come back when you are ready to work.

BlowDryRat · 15/09/2021 13:26

No. You have a clear plan of action and had no previous issues with absence. You're not messing them around with repeated short-term absences.

Someone I work with was in a very similar situation where she had to return to work almost immediately as her DH was made redundant shortly into her maternity leave. She was allowed to take an 'unofficial maternity leave' sabbatical a year later when it was practical for her to do so. Employers aren't always heartless.

sasparilla1 · 15/09/2021 13:34

I run a small company, and I wouldn't think less of you and would (and can!) fully appreciate that you've been through a lot. But some companies, particularly smaller ones, would struggle to replace someone temporarily and you could find that your job has been "distributed" to other people. That would be my only concern for you, job-wise.

I hope you have an understanding employer who believes it's important to look after your mental health.

monotonousmum · 15/09/2021 13:41

I'd likely be stressed at having to find cover/manage the workload without you. But honestly, that's part of the job as a manager. These things happen, and I'm paid to deal with them. Not my favourite part of the job, but that's never the employees fault or problem.
But I'd never think badly of an employee going through anything like this or having to take time out. With any situation at work where someone is off long/short term, having to change arrangements etc I always tell them not to worry about work, take the time they need so when they're back they are ready and able to be effective. I'd never tell them about my stress having to deal with it (if there was any - sometimes it's easy, and as you've only just gone back anyway it may make things easier).
Everyone has just had a very weird 18 months, and people seem a lot more understanding about personal situations impacting work. What I always appreciate is honesty from my team, tell me what's going on and what your plan is (I don't need detail), and at least then I can clearly plan what to do.

SpiderinaWingMirror · 15/09/2021 13:58

No. I wouldn't.
What I would always say is that health comes first.

Waitingforthecowstocomehome · 15/09/2021 14:17

Oh my word you’ve been through so much. Why are you being so hard on yourself.

No one should ever think you’re a bad employee under those circumstances, you’ve been through more upset and grief than most people have in many many years.

Honestly you should take all the time you need to recover. Your health and mental well-being are crucial. 💐💐

Merryoldgoat · 15/09/2021 14:20

I would be very sorry you’d had a hard time and hope you got the help you needed and support you how I could.

ittakes2 · 15/09/2021 14:33

I am sorry for your losses. I don't think anyone on a personal level would think badly of you. Although you have left out an important part - you haven't said how your employer is managing your absence. Is there a temporary person in place to cover your work? If this is the case and you are not taking pay then it really is no different if you are there or not as your position is covered. However, if the other staff members have been covering your role for this period of time - they might be feeling stressed from the extra pressure and upset that this pressure has been extended. I hope you feel better soon.

Original poster

Charliechoosecarefully · 15/09/2021 14:42

Thank you for the replies everyone and being so kind

I work in a contact centre of over 60+ staff. I don't have a specific role I just answer the phone however I appreciate that means there's one less staff member there answering the phone meaning there is a bit more stress on the other staff. I don't know how much of a difference I make but it's not a small business by any means.

I just feel bad about it especially after having nine months off and don't want them thinking I'm taking the mick, I also feel like I'm letting my baby down. It's a hard one that's for sure.

OP posts:

MrsRockAndRoll · 15/09/2021 15:17

That's a lot to go through. If I were your manager I would look to support you and make adjustments such as providing you time to attend talking therapy. Of course only if you and your healthcare professionals thought you were well enough to be in work.

Do your organisation have an employee assistance programme?

MrsRockAndRoll · 15/09/2021 15:18

This is easy for me to say but you are not letting anyone down, including your baby. Your baby loves you

YouTubeAddict · 15/09/2021 17:43

The time out of the workplace sounds a lot longer because of the maternity leave but you can discount that straightaway as that’s your statutory right. As for this eight weeks, if you need it you need it. If your employer wanted to help then they’d have offered you a phased return, including time to go to the sessions. They haven’t, so now you’re off sick. Tough luck to them.

Imnothereforthedrama · 15/09/2021 18:41

No course not you’ve been through a lot try not to worry about work for the time being .

lemonsyellow · 15/09/2021 18:44

No, I wouldn’t. You have had an awful lot in your plate. Any decent employer would be sympathetic.

MonkeyPuddle · 15/09/2021 18:48

Bloody hell lass you’ve been through an emotional washing machine in a short space of time.
Take the time off, do the therapy, work will cope without you for a few short weeks while you have chance to heal.

And you’re not letting that baby down, my god, you’re a shining example of a strong mother if ever I saw one.

BronwenFrideswide · 15/09/2021 18:51

No I wouldn't think less of you in fact I'd be in awe of you actually managing to get back to work at all after what you've been through.

OnlyTheLangOfTheTitberg · 15/09/2021 18:59

@monotonousmum

I'd likely be stressed at having to find cover/manage the workload without you. But honestly, that's part of the job as a manager. These things happen, and I'm paid to deal with them. Not my favourite part of the job, but that's never the employees fault or problem. But I'd never think badly of an employee going through anything like this or having to take time out. With any situation at work where someone is off long/short term, having to change arrangements etc I always tell them not to worry about work, take the time they need so when they're back they are ready and able to be effective. I'd never tell them about my stress having to deal with it (if there was any - sometimes it's easy, and as you've only just gone back anyway it may make things easier). Everyone has just had a very weird 18 months, and people seem a lot more understanding about personal situations impacting work. What I always appreciate is honesty from my team, tell me what's going on and what your plan is (I don't need detail), and at least then I can clearly plan what to do.

Exactly this. I’m human, it would be a pain to deal with, but that would be frustration at the overall situation not you as a person/employee - where you were concerned I’d just want you to get to a better place mentally and make sure I/we were doing our bit to support you (and the rest of the team).

altiara · 15/09/2021 19:01

No, life happens, it’s just lots has happened to you in a short period of time.
I’d want to support you and if that meant you were a more loyal and motivated staff member when you were properly back to work, then great. But if you decided the job wasn’t for you right then, also fine.
I treat people the way I want to be treated.
Also my team are happy to support others when needed, it’s a nice team culture to have.

Elouera · 15/09/2021 19:02

So sorry for your losses and congrats on your little one
You've had a huge amount on recently, none of which was your fault. You have done the right in seeking help which is the 1st step.

I had a women with such bad SPD she could barely walk, sit or lie down and had to be signed off months before her due date. She was the 4th women on mat leave within 12mths from a team of 20.

I also had another staff member having counselling. He came to me with a plan to start earlier and later on other days, to make up for having the day off for his counselling. This suited us and he was happy to continue working.

Yes, the above was annoying trying to find cover, and me running around doing multiple peoples jobs, BUT, I would never think less of them for having medical needs! I'd prefer a staff member return to work well and stay, rather than them leaving and needing to recruit someone again. Or their illness getting worse.

Hopefully your work will work with you, to have a phased back to work approach.

billy1966 · 15/09/2021 19:03

What an absolutely horrendous time you have had on top of being a first time mother.

You poor pet.
I hope you have a partner who is kind because you definitely need to be looked after.

I can't believe anyone reading that litany of disasters would feel anything but sympathy.

Concestor · 15/09/2021 19:12

I'd give you a sabbatical for three months and get someone in to cover for you, sounds like you need time and space to heal and grieve.

Flip

1 2

Swipe left for the next trending thread