To feel protective of my friendship?

[DFOD]

I introduced my old school friend to my uni friend over 20 years ago now and at that time we all had a laugh (all lived in a large house share in our first jobs)…..until school friend did something nasty to sabotage my friendship with uni friend. I was not in contact with school friend over this incident for many years and although it did significant damage at the time to my friendship with uni friend our friendship recovered.

Uni friend moved away but we remain v close. Been back in contact with old school friend and we get on great she is forever trying to get me to arrange a weekend away with old uni friend and I just don’t want to do this. She is in contact with her loosely - so don’t understand why she can’t ask her directly? I feel a bit uncomfortable and manipulated in this situation. I feel sometimes I am being unreasonable or possessive and at others that I am justified as the little time we do get together is precious.

I know if I asked uni friend she would say “that’s fine” but I don’t want to put her in that position.

The request for a weekend away comes up every couple of months. I just ignore it. Even that annoys me because she’s not taking the hint. She has form for nagging to get what she wants.

If she goes to uni friend directly to suggest that’s fine - but I feel that I am being used to deliver something I don’t want, uni friend has never suggested but home friend wants.

Do I need to say something to home friend directly and what would that be without sounding petty / possessive?

I feel like saying source and nurture your own friendships maybe I don’t trust her enough?

If she wants a weekend away, she should organise it, that includes sending invitations. Perhaps she thinks you can help her mend the friendship with uni friend, but that isnt your problem to solve.

If you have ignored her suggestions, she must realise you don't really want to have the weekend away together. Perhaps she is reluctant to contact uni friend and push that side of things, in case it upsets you and she doesnt want to drive you away again.

Deep down honestly, if you would rather things stay as they are because of the bad memories about the falling out at uni, then I would probably tell Home friend this. Not in a nasty way. I'd say, "Im so happy we are friends with you again and the friendship works really well for me. I also really enjoy my friendship with uni friend. But I'm not sure I feel happy about the idea of us all getting together again at this point in time. It went so badly wrong at uni, and I'd rather put that behind us. However if you want to spend more time with uni friend without me, go for it. Maybe it would lead us all to a better place in the long run, maybe not, but I just want you to know I'm cool with it."