Pregnancy

[newmamax]

Hi guys very new to this but would really appreciate some opinions.

I found out I was pregnant at 5 weeks, after telling my best friend I told the father.
At this point I was on the fence and didn’t know what I wanted to do. I asked him how he felt and he said he wasn’t sure either but his main concern was finance which is completely understandable. I asked if he was leaning towards any option more and he said no. He spent the day cuddling me and sleeping.

A few days after that I had a bit of sickness and couldn’t eat, which resulted in me taking two days of work because of how weak and tired I felt. He sent one message each day I was off asking if I was okay. But nothing about the decision on what to do.

I live alone so obviously spending time with this tiny human inside me made my head turn to keeping it more than an abortion at this point. I told my older sister who doesn’t so much like the idea of abortions. But she said that she’d be there to support me throughout everything.

This is at least 2 weeks on from when I found out initially.

After feeling a bit better I told the baby’s father my decision and he wasn’t happy.
He said he’s not ready at all so expected me to get rid. He even said why couldn’t to wait till next year when he had his job coming back?!
But then says ‘ do you expect me to sit and watch you have my kid’

So in the time he wasn’t checking on me he thought I was ‘ sorting it out’

I feel like I’m very capable of doing this on my own, I expressed this to him. The fact he’s saying he’s not ready and me still going through with it means I’ve accepted that he won’t be around. So I won’t be asking or expecting any type of help from him.

He said I’m trapping him when that’s the last thing I’d ever do, I’m happy to go through it alone but he’s adamant I’m not thinking straight because it’s would be ‘ fucked’ for me to go through with it.

He’s not taking into consideration how an abortion would make me feel and what effects it would have on me, while he sits there and feels nothing.

I don’t think I’m being unreasonable, I told him before I came to my decision, it’s not Asif I kept it a secret and forcefully told him he needs to be involved?

Sounds like he is just trying to manipulate you into doing what he wants. I'd leave him to it, reply that he doesn't have to be involved in anyway at all , then leave it at that. Unfortunately for him as much as he wants an abortion, he can't have one. Only you can decide what is best for you and your body.

The only question here - what do YOU want to do?

I was in a situation back in 2016. Accidental pregnancy, discussed options with the father, we were both unsure. Well, he said he was unsure until I mentioned keeping it then he got angry. I actually did end up having an abortion at 7 weeks which was a very tough thing to go through but 5 years on I don't regret it as I'm now married to a lovely man and have a three year old daughter.

Totally your decision and YANBU for keeping it if that's what you want to do but just be aware how hard it is having a baby. I have so much support and it's the hardest thing I've ever done. Just make sure you go into it with open eyes. Best of luck whatever you decide.

As above. It's YOUR choice and he must live with that. If he doesn't want to be an active father he still has a financial responsibility.

Agree with PP. You're the one who is pregnant, no one but you gets final say on whether or not you go through with the pregnancy or abort. It's a personal choice and it sounds like for you both sides have pros and cons. Take some time away from him and work out what you want. Be kind to yourself but realistic and reach out to your support network IRL.

I do understand it can be a very difficult situation for men but they need to be doing more to protect themselves if it's something they 100% don't want and not leave it up to women and then act shocked and horrified when something happens. I understand there are accidents even when fully protected but they are much rarer when both sides are taking precautions.

If you decide to go ahead you can't force him to have contact or be active in the child's life but he does have to pay. Don't let him guilt you with the 'trapping him' nonsense. Go through CMS. However, the money will likely be derisory so work out your own finances to ensure you can manage.

It's your choice OP, if you want to have this baby then there is nothing he can do about it, he sounds pretty vile tbh. Don't be forced into anything you don't want to do.