To be freaking out about being pregnant with my second child

[fmac2987]

We have just found out we're expecting child, we currently have a 16 month old and I'm about 6 weeks along.

At first I was excited, but now, I'm dreading it. I had our first baby at the start of the pandemic, and to be honest it was hell. We had no support at all, and I'm so scared that it's going to be more of the same with this one coming along.

We're also going through a very rough patch of bad sleep with our first, and I'm afraid I'm going twice as wrecked and exhausted as I do now.

Also, I'm worried there won't be a shred of who I used to be after, and that after two babies in a pandemic and no sleep at all, that I'll not be me anymore.

How do people cope with two? Right now I just want to cry because I'm so afraid of this baby and what it will mean. Is it unreasonable to feel this scared? No one ever talks about this stuff.

Thank you for being brave enough to write this. I'm in a similar position and have the same worries! My first is only 6 months and I've found out I'm 13 weeks pregnant 😳 I've asked for a referral to the perinatal mental health team in the hope it helps to talk to them... It's hard to be honest about how worried I am to close family and friends. Anyway, I just wanted to say you're not alone xx

Just wanted to say I'm in the same position!

Due my second 5/11. My first will be 15 months.

Feels like there is not much excitement this time round just apprehension! Because I know what's coming and I'm panicking about having a toddler to deal with as well.

All that's getting me through is that I have read on here the first few years are hell, but then it gets so much easier due to them having a sibling to play with.

We will get through it

I think it’s totally normal given the age gap- in the short term it will be exhausting and difficult, let’s not sugar coat it, but ultimately it’s a good age gap to get those awful years out the way and having siblings of similar ages will be a benefit (same toys, tv shows, activities).

Practical things to make you cope: a good sleep routine with your eldest, not always easy and things go off course but if they are going to bed at 10pm after 2hrs of sshing then address that. Also take time for yourself, have an hr or so every wkend or whenever your partner is available to do something for yourself, save your sanity!

There’s 22 months between mine. They were both bad sleepers but I found the eldest began to sleep through the night at the same time the baby was born. The second maternity leave meant I got to spend more time with my eldest too. We kept a lot of her routine going - nursery, time with grandparents so it wasn’t as difficult for her when I returned to work. As they’ve grown up it has been easier as they’ve been at similar stages we could take them to the cinema as they were happy to see the same thing or soft play etc. I don’t regret having them close together. I think it would have felt more daunting if I’d felt I had my life back and then gone through the baby stage again.

It’s definitely not unreasonable to be scared. I had a similar situation, and we have a 22m age gap. The children are now 1y9m and 3y7m.

It wasn’t easy but they have a great relationship and it’s easier once a) baby is safely mobile and b) they can be left for 5min together to play while you nip to the loo/get a drink/ etc. It’s hard to imagine now as you don’t know what it’s like to watch your first develop, but a huge amount happens between 1 and 2yo. Then there’ll be potty training and suddenly that’s a load off you. Your eldest will be able to feed themselves properly, and the youngest - IME - picks up skills like that more quickly due to having a little role model. I sleep trained my second at 5mo, partly because he was huge at birth and by then I was doing my back in rocking him to sleep… and partly to gain back time with my eldest during naps.

In short, I’ve been there, and it’s tough but not as bad as you think. As far as losing yourself goes, I think lots of people have found that during Covid. Stay in touch with friends, try and get some fitness back after you’ve recovered from the birth, and focus on getting them and yourself enough sleep. Good luck!