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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

if you don't want an opinion, don't ask

18 replies

aisyray · 14/09/2021 23:20

My partner is part of a team for his work. Let's say it's a restaurant (it's not).

Things haven't been going great recently and the weight of everything financially has fallen to me. I find this frustrating because he does work lots of hours but this doesn't translate to getting paid for those hours.

A few days ago him and his team came up with an idea to make some money.

He asked me what I thought.

I said it sounded good BUT as it was people would not find it appealing. Again for argument's sake let's say the restaurant is doing special pizzas but they cost £50 each and I point out most people won't go for that.

Well he just totally ignored me and this idea has totally failed and him and his team are going "hmm what a shame."

It was a perfectly good idea but they're all too pig headed to listen to anyone else.

I don't think he and his team should have done what I said or anything like that but he did ASK ME and I did say, I wouldn't be interested in what their business was offering the way they were selling it. If you are going to ask then you should consider the response shouldn't you? Now he's moping around astounded that this great opportunity hasn't materilised.

I have just said, again, it's a good idea, but in my opinion there are a few flaws in it. Fixable ones.

aibu to think that if he just wants to spin plans with this team all day with no concern for outside input then he can just get on with it?

OP posts:

SoundBar · 14/09/2021 23:21

Doesn't sound like a good job if he's not being paid for hours worked? Can he get a different job?!

MrsRobbieHart · 14/09/2021 23:23

I think it works both ways tbh. If you will get pissed that your opinion wasn’t acted upon, don’t give it.

Original poster

aisyray · 14/09/2021 23:24

@SoundBar It's not a good job at all. I'm just at the point now where I think if he wants to waste his time then he can leave me out of it.

OP posts:

Bimblybomeyelash · 14/09/2021 23:26

You sound grumpy. He asked you what you thought, but he’s still allowed to disagree and still make the pizza anyway.

Original poster

aisyray · 14/09/2021 23:27

@MrsRobbieHart I do understand what you mean and I don't think they should have done what I said necessarily but I do think they should have considered it which they have not. Also, since they're all determined to listen to no one I don't want to know about how it's gone tits up

OP posts:

CleopatrasBeautifulNose · 14/09/2021 23:27

Don't think anyone could blame you if you checked out of a hiding to nowhere situation. Sounds like they're all going to have to learn the hard way, but don't feel you have to.

Original poster

aisyray · 14/09/2021 23:31

@Bimblybomeyelash Is he allowed to opt out of paying for the bills as well? What happens if I do that too?

I'm not grumpy mate. That ship sailed a long time ago. Now I'm plain pissed off.

OP posts:

PersonaNonGarter · 14/09/2021 23:32

OP, I totally understand what you are saying. Some people will absolutely not take feedback. It’s their loss - which is usually fine but in this case, if he isn’t earning, it actually is your loss too.

sweeneytoddsrazor · 14/09/2021 23:37

Isn't the whole point of asking people to gauge opinions, not necessarily act upon those opinions. How many different people did they ask, how many different responses did they get. You might not buy the pizza, maybe another person would. In this case it would seem people haven't, but until you try you don't know. There is a shop/deli near where I work that sells bread amongst other things. £3.50. I wouldn't pay that much for bread but obviously seeing how busy they are plenty of people do.

Original poster

aisyray · 14/09/2021 23:40

@CleopatrasBeautifulNose I really want them to leave me out of it now.

@PersonaNonGarter You're right, some people won't and just to be clear I didn't march in and shove my opinion on anyone my partner discussed all this with me at length. I wouldn't even really care if he wasn't earning but because he still spends all his time on this "restaurant" he isn't doing anything else either.

OP posts:

Sparklfairy · 14/09/2021 23:43

Did you point out the flaws and pitch solutions or did you just shoot it down?

I work with start ups and "these types" entrepreneurial/creative can get very defensive of a straight "no i wouldn't buy that". BUT often if you suggest a potential flaw with ideas for solutions to that flaw it gets their creative juices flowing.

That said, you just sound fed up that he's failed because he didn't execute properly. And its tough if he doesn't respect you enough to listen to genuine feedback and automatically disregards your ideas (I have no idea if he is like this).

EmeraldShamrock · 14/09/2021 23:47

I think it works both ways tbh. If you will get pissed that your opinion wasn’t acted upon, don’t give it. 👏 Ohh I like that.
Stealing it for my next disagreement with Dsis. 🤣

EmeraldShamrock · 14/09/2021 23:50

I'm not grumpy mate. That ship sailed a long time ago. Now I'm plain pissed off.
He sounds frustrating chasing wild ideas without researching or listening.
When he does decide to stop moping, ignore him, you don't deserve to be carrying the burden of his dream.

Original poster

aisyray · 14/09/2021 23:51

@sweeneytoddsrazor Well, I pointed out this evening (again, when asked) what I thought might be putting people off. Bearing in mind he has been going on all day about how this idea has failed, suddenly he gets all defensive and goes "oh two people did want it".

I just said, fine, everything's great then. Stop complaining. I've had it up to my neck with this "restaurant" and as far as I'm concerned him and his team can just sit and bullshit each other all day while I get on and actually do things.

OP posts:

Original poster

aisyray · 15/09/2021 00:04

@Sparklfairy I think I was reasonable and I said over and over I thought the idea was good and the people were good at what they do. He was complaining about a lack of customers (can't be too specific obviously) and I tried to point out that as it was I wouldn't personally buy this product. I think they are all just too close to it and their knowledge is working against them.

I'm honestly not annoyed he failed at this, it's more that I've been supportive and this is/was such a glaring error that it's clear to me this group just want to sit around bullshitting all day. Fine, but I can't be another person wasting my time.

I think my frustration is showing this evening.

OP posts:

Original poster

aisyray · 15/09/2021 00:09

@Sparklfairy Sorry posted too soon there, yes I did suggest solutions. I didn't in any way expect these to be implemented as I said. It was more that as this process has happened and he's been going "hmmm, this isn't working, what could the problem be?" They all just carried on regardless and took no input at all, so as far as I'm concerned they can just get on with it like they're doing.

OP posts:

Kite22 · 15/09/2021 00:19

I assumed this was going to be about people on MN asking "AIBU" and getting all shirty when people said "Yes"

Sydendad · 15/09/2021 00:24

I think I can relate my partner had a business and it didn't run too well, so she asked me for ideas, o gave ideas and more ideas and more ideas and she ended up doing or not even trying may of them. I even suggested paying for some of them from my own business. Low and behold the business failed and ended up costing us money. I am still a little miffed about that. Especially because it impacted the entire family as lots of time was spend and it all resulted in debt and me having to pay for everything and making ends meet. That's upsetting, but it is their business and we should let them run it as they see fit so I didn't stay too long upset about that. I do think you have the right to ask that he pulls his weight financially though. And to tell him that he needs to make money and may have to reconsider the validity of his business and perhaps find other means of income. It's what I did. Ofcourse that doesn't go down well, but then again we don't always have to be nice and the truth is painfully sometimes.

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