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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed at DH for this?

25 replies

alexio · 14/09/2021 21:57

We've got 2 very young DC one of whom has been unwell for a few weeks with one thing after another (nothing covid related) and is now on antibiotics 4 times a day which are an absolute nightmare to give.

DC who is unwell is pretty poorly, not themselves. 2nd DC is a young baby.

DH works, I'm off on mat leave. He helps with housework but I feel when it comes to the kids I really need to ask like help with bathing or bedtime etc and yesterday giving meds with his 'help' was just a shit show with him sniggering when DC wouldn't tolerate my attempt to give medications

Anyway I'm really quite annoyed tonight. DH has come in and said he's going out tomorrow night to his hobby, which is on for several hours (from around 5.30-8ish) He doesn't think there is anything wrong with going out having a good time himself while DC is unwell and some help would be appreciated.

Aibu to be pissed at him for going? Or am I just over reacting

OP posts:
plodalong12 · 14/09/2021 22:03

If it’s a hobby then this is something regular I assume and not out of the blue? So YABU if he normally goes and you have no problem with it but do only now. But YANBU for him not helping out generally

Original poster
alexio · 14/09/2021 22:06

Should have said this hobby has been indefinitely postponed due to covid, he hasn't been for 18 months. It was out of the blue when he said about it tonight

OP posts:
SMabbutt · 14/09/2021 22:24

Sniggering at you struggling to give medication?! That's pathetic. Tell him it's fine but you will be going out the next night to meet a friend so he can deal with everything. In fact you want one night a week to have time for yourself because he will obviously manage to carry out all the evening jobs perfectly well without any help from you.

Hont1986 · 14/09/2021 22:30

24 hours notice and he hasn't been for 18 months? I don't think it's a big problem really.

Original poster
alexio · 14/09/2021 22:31

@SMabbutt yeah that wound me fucking right up. I pulled him up about it and he said he wasn't he was just trying to help but it happened on more than one occasion 🙃

If DC wasn't unwell I wouldn't be too bothered about him going but I feel like a bit of help would be appreciated so DC2 isn't feeling abandoned.

Maybe I'm just overthink and being a bit emotional but I feel like if the shoe was on the other foot and I said I was away out for several hours while child is sick it would be 'that's terrible mum going out when DC is unwell'
'What mother does that' but when it's dad it's not bothered about

OP posts:
LawnFever · 14/09/2021 22:32

Just tell him you’re out on Friday night/Saturday Smile

Original poster
alexio · 14/09/2021 22:32

@Hont1986 he hasn't been to mentioned hobby for 18 months that doesn't mean he hasn't been out or doing other hobbies for same period

OP posts:
LawnFever · 14/09/2021 22:34

Maybe I'm just overthink and being a bit emotional but I feel like if the shoe was on the other foot and I said I was away out for several hours while child is sick it would be 'that's terrible mum going out when DC is unwell'
'What mother does that' but when it's dad it's not bothered about

Who do you think will say those things? Who cares? Your dc have been a bit poorly, doesn’t sound anything too serious, no reason why you can’t have a break too.

MeredithGreyishblue · 14/09/2021 22:35

Ooh. I don't think he's out of order going out really, no.

The sniggering thing is odd but if you both stay in, you'll both go nuts. Can you go out for a bit one evening?

appleturnovers · 14/09/2021 22:37

If it's a longstanding hobby I don't think it's unreasonable for him to have expected to go, however, you should tell him you'd rather he didn't go this week because you could do with the help.
Also you should get a similar hobby/evening off per week.

icedcoffees · 14/09/2021 22:37

Just go out the following night and leave him with the DC.

There's no reason for you both to be stuck home every night just because one of them
is poorly.

Take some time off too Thanks

wtfisgoingonhere21 · 14/09/2021 22:42

Make sure you have a plan for a cpl of hours around the same time the night after and tel him when he gets home from his hobby so it's 24 hrs notice.

Then just before you leave remind him about the medicine and snigger at him and see how he likes it.

It wouldn't bother me him going out to be honest but I would be losses off with the sniggering and lack of help.

Try just passing the poorly baby to him as soon as he walks in the door and tell him your looking after the other child so he can have that one and walk off.

What can he say??

Any sort of argument or comments would result in me reminding him he's 50 % responsible for his off spring and wouldn't he look like a cock to his family and friends that he moaned about looking after his own poorly kids Wink

wtfisgoingonhere21 · 14/09/2021 22:43

#pissed off.
Bloody auto correct

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 14/09/2021 22:52

I'd be pissed off.if its straight after work and you've got both kids all day and one of them is ill then you really really need a break.
I personally wouldnt want to go out straight after work and leave my husband to put both kids to bed by themselves when one of them was ill, it's a 2 man job at the best of times! If he was knackered and struggling (which most people are with kids that age when one is ill) and I hadn't seen them all day I'd stay and help. I think that's what parents do when they're got very young kids and one is ill and I know other men who have cancelled nights out because one of their kids is puking or something and they wanted to share the care with their wife rather than leaving her to it and disappearing off with a cheery wave to have fun while she is holding a sick bowl for the oldest and trying to stop the youngest crawling in it

CyclingIsNotOuting · 14/09/2021 22:55

@icedcoffees

Just go out the following night and leave him with the DC.

There's no reason for you both to be stuck home every night just because one of them
is poorly.

Take some time off too Thanks

Absolutely this. Even if you go to a coffee shop and read a book for a few hours. Sounds like you could do with it.
lannistunut · 14/09/2021 22:56

I think it's pretty unhelpful, I'd be pissed off too. Can't imagine my DH doing that, we pitched in together when the kids were ill.

ShingleBeach · 14/09/2021 23:03

Huge sympathies OP, giving small children foul tasting ABs is a horrible job.

I found that giving a few choc buttons first to coat their mouths helped. Choc buttons, ABs immediate while the last mouthful is still full, more buttons.

After eight mints / minty choc even better.

Embracelife · 15/09/2021 18:20

Tomorrow night you are going out from 6 to 9 pm . Simple.

CanofCant · 15/09/2021 18:49

I think you wouldn't be as bothered about him going out if he wasn't such a useless sack of shit in other areas. I agree you need to push back and leave him with both kids while you pop out for a bit to clear your head.

HelstonaireMonty · 15/09/2021 18:55

Stop using the word "help" it is called parenting your child which includes bath times, bed times, feeding and giving medication as well as interacting and playing with your child. Your Dh is an arsehole.

PlanDeRaccordement · 15/09/2021 19:04

He needs to have regular responsibility for some of the parenting. The set up where you do it all and then ask for “help” is terrible. He needs to take the children a couple hours every evening after work and do bath time or bedtime. Then you both need an afternoon or evening out of the house.

But children get sick, I wouldn’t expect both parents to be home because of an unwell DC. Just one at home is enough, so him going out to hobby would not bother me.

Him laughing at you trying to get DC to take medicine, wouldn’t really bother me. Sometimes you have to laugh otherwise you’ll lose your temper or cry. People laugh about frustrating things as a coping mechanism.

But you are right to be bothered at the dynamic you have in general.

girlmom21 · 15/09/2021 19:05

You can cope for two and a half hours on your own, surely?

Original poster
alexio · 15/09/2021 19:09

@girlmom21 given the I'm here with DC the majority of the time myself yes I can cope for a couple of hours... that wasn't really the point

OP posts:
Tal45 · 15/09/2021 19:21

I think it's shit OP. When you're with the kids all day your DH coming home to give you a hand and a bit of a break - especially when they're ill - is important (well it was to me when mine was little.) Would you be able to just say you were going out for the evening and leave him with the kids? If not then why should he?

girlmom21 · 15/09/2021 19:36

[quote alexio]@girlmom21 given the I'm here with DC the majority of the time myself yes I can cope for a couple of hours... that wasn't really the point [/quote]
Yeah your issue is that he's doing an activity for himself. If it's the first time in 18 months I don't see the issue.

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