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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would you be a bit disappointed?

47 replies

Backofbeyond50 · 14/09/2021 16:17

So I have two siblings. They both have kids who went to good Universities
My DD is currently looking at Universities so I was chatting to said siblings about it. They asked what Universities she was looking at. I told them and it did include Cambridge which is her 1st choice.
Ones response was O my dd could have gone to Oxbridge but didn't want to as it is so elitist bla bla.
The other said that there is no way kids these day are brighter than. When she went so it must be do much easier to get in etc etc..
AIBU to feel a bit deflated.

OP posts:
Original poster
Backofbeyond50 · 14/09/2021 17:29

It isn't even as if dd has been offered a place. She is applying and we are very much managing her expectations as we know very few get in.
I just ignored at the time but it has now hot me thinking.
I know sibling 2 admits she has become quite bitter about modern life but why take it out on your dn who is the sweetest thing. Thankfully she wasn't there.

OP posts:
DifficultPifcultLemonDifficult · 14/09/2021 17:30

Get a tshirt and some mugs printed with your dds face on the front and "My baby got into Cambridge" written on the back.

Wear the tshirt every time you see your siblings and if they come to yours for coffee, only serve it in those mugs. 🤣🤣

Dixiechickonhols · 14/09/2021 17:34

Very rude. Absolutely no need for it. Their children went where they wanted and sounds like they did well. I’d certainly not want to discuss further with them. I hope she gets place she wants.

Holly60 · 14/09/2021 17:39

You could say, yes Cambridge is elitist- it educates the intellectual elite from all backgrounds Hmm

NigelSlatersXmasTaters · 14/09/2021 17:44

"Oh it’s just jealousy and trying to play down your DD’s achievements. DS started at a Grammar School last September and I’ve lost count of the amount of people who have said, “Oh, they (they never explain who they is/are) wanted me/ my DS to go to the grammar school but I/he decided not to because they don’t play football/ I couldn’t be bothered to take the test/ I didn’t like the uniform/ insert other vague reason.”"

Not always jealousy, although I'm sure it is sometimes.

My DS doesn't want to go to the grammar, even though "they" want him to sit the 11+. "They" are his current and his previous teacher. His reason is it is all boys which he doesn't want and that his cousin had a crap time there. He's not wrong.

2catsandhappy · 14/09/2021 17:48

Oh that is just nasty. From adults too. Pure jealousy. They had a chance to go for it, coulda, shoulda, didna.
Carry on supporting your dd. Ignore the snippy put downs.

WaterAndTheWild · 14/09/2021 17:50

I wouldn't want my children going to Oxbridge BUT unless you were totally smug about it I would be absolutely delighted for you

Lennybenny · 14/09/2021 17:51

Ofgs. Cambridge is supposed to be prestige but it doesn't make it the best one. Students need to start looking at the course they want first and not the university.

TillyTopper · 14/09/2021 18:00

They are just jealous, ignore. Personally though I'd stop sharing info with them like that, there will be less drama and upset.

AwaAnBileYerHeid · 14/09/2021 18:11

Sheer jealousy! If it was anything else then they'd just say "great, hope she gets in".

valadon68 · 14/09/2021 18:36

Silly, lazy comments. It's great that your DD is aiming for Cambridge - fantastic place to study! Best of luck to her.
There are many people at both Ox and Cam who are passionate about opening up access to a diverse intake. And real change takes place from the inside out. How is an institution supposed to become less elitist if 95% of the country gives it a swerve?

FizzyPink · 14/09/2021 18:41

It’s just jealously. As I’ve got older I’ve learnt to just smile and move on when people say things like this.
I have a family member who will say things like “my daughter just started a job as a cleaner at the hospital. They offered her a doctor job but she’s much happier being a cleaner” It’s obviously complete rubbish but it comes from their own insecurities so I just say “oh that’s nice” and laugh to myself

Wineandroses3 · 14/09/2021 19:00

That is pure jealousy on their part. Congratulations on your daughter (possibly) going to Cambridge, fantastic achievement x 💐

Original poster
Backofbeyond50 · 14/09/2021 19:35

Thank you everyone.

OP posts:
Bloatstoat · 14/09/2021 20:17

I went to Cambridge. I obviously don't tell people this randomly but sometimes university experience comes up in conversation etc - I've lost count of the number of times over the past 20 odd years I've listened to people's stories about how they would have applied but decided not to as Oxbridge is not as good as it's made out/elitist/backward looking etc etc. Or they did apply and only didn't get in because of the unprofessional behaviour of the person interviewing them, who felt threatened by them so wouldn't give them a place. Or how they know someone who went who wasn't very clever but paid to get in so it's all corrupt and anyone who studied there is part of the system. There's something about it that brings out people's inferiority complexes and encourages complete bullshit. It's totally bizarre, but it will be something your daughter will come across again if she gets in, it's a shame it's family, but just encourage her to laugh and ignore it.

Grenlei · 14/09/2021 20:25

@Bloatstoat yes, I've had similar.

Also people assuming that because I went to Cambridge I was privately educated (I wasn't), must have got in on an unconditional offer (I didn't) or a personal favourite, the person who said that I obviously didn't go to Cambridge but to Anglia Uni - or as it was back in my day, CCAT.

I never tell anyone unless it's unavoidable now.

NatriumChloride · 14/09/2021 20:31

@FizzyPink

It’s just jealously. As I’ve got older I’ve learnt to just smile and move on when people say things like this. I have a family member who will say things like “my daughter just started a job as a cleaner at the hospital. They offered her a doctor job but she’s much happier being a cleaner” It’s obviously complete rubbish but it comes from their own insecurities so I just say “oh that’s nice” and laugh to myself
😂😂😂
Original poster
Backofbeyond50 · 14/09/2021 20:37

@Bloatstoat and @Grenlei that is terrible. Dd goes to a local comp in a deprived area too. One of her teachers did say that it doesn't matter where you gett your degree if it's a good one.

OP posts:
Grenlei · 14/09/2021 20:54

@Backofbeyond50 I found teachers at my school were not entirely supportive - one in particular who had applied to Oxford but didn't get a place was very off with me once she knew I'd applied/ been offered a place, and would often say well there are other universities IF you don't get the grades. Meh!

I know there are lots of other threads on here about Cambridge applications and lots of info online etc but as someone who grew up in social housing and just went to the local low achieving comp I'm always happy to help anyone who's considering applying from a school like mine so please feel free to pm me 😊

Original poster
Backofbeyond50 · 14/09/2021 21:07

Thank you so much @Grenlei.
She has the support of most of her teachers and is involved in a mentor program so all good.

OP posts:
Grenlei · 14/09/2021 21:42

Ah that's good to hear she has lots of support not just at home but from other sources too. I wish her every success!

Original poster
Backofbeyond50 · 15/09/2021 00:16

Yes other sources are super important as dh and I never went to University.

OP posts:
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