To be hurt over my parents

[IHopeYouStepOnALegoPiece]

I actually think I might be so could use some outside perspective.

I’m 33, lived with or v local to my parents (not intentionally just how it happened) until 1y ago when I moved a 90min flight away.

Due to covid/passport running out/money I haven’t been back to see them (or anyone since).

I started a much needed new job recently and due to working hours and new covid flight times means I would fly over for 24h which considering flight prices (inc tests) isn’t ideal and I’d rather wait until December when I can use the money and visit for 5 days or so.

My parents know I’ve been homesick and yesterday on a call asked when I’d be back and I explained the above and they said “we’ll see you when we see you then”.

My hurt is that they are both retired, fully vaccinated, reasonably healthy adults who are not stuck for money but have made no plan to offer to come here for a visit and I’m left feeling like they don’t give a crap.

I’m v possibly being unreasonable due to them not always being the easiest or Most supportive people but I just want them to want to visit me.

My friends who I’ve spoken to about it are lovely but v loyal and v supportively “yes they’re wrong” which is lovely but I’m not sure I am unreasonable

Have you explicitly invited them?

I remember being astounded when I realised my mother felt weird about just coming over.

I am not sure how it is for your family, but in my family you don’t invite yourself for a visit. You wait to be invited. So your saying “they haven’t offered to visit” you is strange to me as we’d see that as inviting ourselves? Have you specifically invited them to visit? Have you explained that you’re not really homesick, but miss them? Some people think of “homesick” as missing the place/town and local area plus all the friends and relatives there.

Invite them then.

I would suggest very clearly inviting your parents to your house. They might not want to intrude without a very specific invitation.
Perhaps they are a bit afraid of travelling. Lots of people are afraid on planes. Are there any other methods of travel to where you are such as ferries or trains. Or it could be that they realise despite being double vaccinated people are still getting covid.
Is your new house big enough to have your parents to stay or is there a reasonable hotel/selfcatering/airbnb nearby that they could stay in?
You need to have an open and clear discussion with them.

I voted yabu because you haven't invited them.

You say they know you are homesick so may think them going to you won't help that and could potentially make it worse.

But also, travel now is a massive pita and lots of people don't feel they want to do it. It's OK saying we'll they are double vaccinated and have the money. But travelling now, isn't that much in all of places.

I lived away from family and tbh, I think expecting them to do the journey, because it doesn't suit you to do the journey right now, isn't really fair. Especially since you haven't explicitly told them you really need them to come.

I live a three hour drive from my parents, they never visited unless passing nearby for another reason (family wedding in next county etc), I visit them often but realise its probably my fault as I never specifically invited them. Contact your parents and ask if they'd like to spend a few days with you but remember you said the flights etc are now more complicated so they might decline

You need to invite them, not wait for them to invite themselves over.

1)ask them
2) accept that many people, not just retired people are wary of plane travel at the moment

If you’re homesick it is because you moved away, not because they won’t visit.

I moved away from home and I see it as my responsibility to visit my parents as travelling that distance is often too much for them.

I'm 50+.
I still wouldn't be flying anywhere right now.

YABU because you haven't invited them. My parents would probably 'suggest' they visited me in a similar circumstance pre COVID - but not now.

Agree with PP - if you haven't invited them, YABU

My daughter lives 120 miles away so I could drive or catch the train.
I’m waiting to be invited because she works hard all week then is usually out having fun with her friends at the weekend.
I don’t want her to have to give up her valuable free time showing her boring old mother around unless she wants too.
So I am waiting until she has a free weekend with nothing to do and invites me.