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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to think what goes around, comes around?

6 replies

wannaBe · 04/12/2007 16:49

Have an aquaintence who has basically screwed up a lot of relationships in the past. Had relationships with three women simoltaniously, caused the near break-up of a marriage (someone else?s not his) and so the list goes on. But through all this he is a charming, intelligent guy which is why women fall for him so easily and seem to forgive him so easily as well.

So after basically going from one relationship to the next, he finally met a woman and fell in love with her. But? you?ve guessed it? she was married. But she left her husband to be with him, they moved in together, and within six weeks she was pregnant.

So she had the baby, her divorce came through about three months after, and they were then married. And this is where it gets complicated.

They live in Iceland, and under Icelandic law, if a baby is born to a married woman, the husband of that woman is automatically named as the father on the birth certificate. So her ex-husband has been named as her baby?s father, and the only way this can be changed is either by the named father giving up his paternity, or through a long court battle which will involve DNA testing etc.

So the ex, being understandably a little bitter about all this, has refused to sign away the paternity of this child. He?s not in the picture/doesn?t have any involvement with the child, but friend has no legal rights to his own child until the birth certificate can be changed to name him as the father, and as the ex isn?t prepared to co-operate it?s going to cost them thousands.

But I?m finding it just a bit hard to be sympathetic, considering the fact he?s breezed from one woman to another, basically causing heartbreak as he goes and never having to face the consequences.

What goes around comes around?

OP posts:
motherhurdicure · 04/12/2007 17:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

wannaBe · 04/12/2007 17:15

well legally he's not the child's father even though he is by blood iykwim. technically they could apparently claim child support from the ex, but in turn the ex could demand access (even though the child isn't biologically his), so they're not going down that route.

Obviously they will sort it eventually but I can't help feeling a little bit smug that this guy hasn't had an easy ride of it esp considering he was involved in breaking up this woman's marriage so she would be with him.

OP posts:
NAB3littlemonkeys · 04/12/2007 17:16

Poor child having parents like that.

bubblagirl · 04/12/2007 17:29

i dont believe where a child is involved its right to think what comes around relationships fail all the time the married women would of known what they were gewtting into im sure he didnt force them

people grow up he didnt leave her when she got pregnant they live together thats respectable in my books not many decent men stick around

poor man to have finally thought he had life together then this happens i think you should feel sorry for him if it was woman going off with someone else no kids then i would of said no sympathy

but this is his child

wannaBe · 04/12/2007 17:42

he didn't walk away from her when she got pregnant because the pregnancy was planned.

She left her husband for him, and they'd planned to try for a baby straight away, while she was still technically married, and she got pregnant straight away.

I'd spoken to her a couple of months previous and had no idea of what was happening, and she'd told me then that she and her husband were going to start trying for a family the next year, so no indication that she was planning to leave him to have a family with someone else.

The situation will be resolved, and the baby is not affected by it in any way, I just think that people shouldn't think they can leave one relationship and walk straight into another without consequence.

OP posts:
bubblagirl · 04/12/2007 19:18

maybe she has a hidden agenda maybe her and husband couldnt have child, child would legally be his out of amrriage and maybe she plans to go back to husband

either way that would not be nice for friend no matter what he has done in past we all have pasts and we are all entitled to change and some dont but child is involved so not fair on child

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