Feeling unsupported

[jesswilsx]

I’m 31+5 days pregnant and really struggling, especially through the nights. Tonight ive got awful pains in my hip and back so I’m finding it very difficult to get comfortable. My partner went to sleep at 8pm (it’s now 10:50pm). I just woke him up, on accident, because I’m tossing and turning. He’s stormed off downstairs claiming he needs sleep because he has to go to uni at 9am tomorrow. I have to get up with twins at 7:30am, and take him to the uni. It’s not my fault I’m in pain and can’t sleep. Am I wrong for feeling hurt and lacking in support? This isn’t the first time it’s happened, it’s just a good example of it. He doesn’t do anything else bar uni one day a week, I would just like to feel as if someone is there for me when I’m going through this rough stage of pregnancy. Am I being unreasonable?

Does he work? Is he hands on with other kids?

@BobsBurgersisthebest

Does he work? Is he hands on with other kids?

No, he doesn’t work. He just goes to uni and no, he’s not very hands on at all. He often just sits on his phone out the kitchen or in the bedroom while I’m left running around after them, and him.

I spent 20 years with someone who was very selfish and wasn’t a good husband or co-parent. It ended badly and I regret putting up with it for so long. You deserve more. He should be supporting you and being a real parent to his children. If it was just an isolated grump because he’s tired which he later apologised for, then it would be understandable but it sounds like a pattern of selfish behaviour. You have choices. Decide what you want in a partner and a father for your children. Communicate this to him. You can’t make him do anything but you can explain how you feel and what you want. It’s up to him if he listens. Hopefully he changes. If he doesn’t make a sustained effort to be a good parent and partner, you need to decide if you want him the way he is (because you can’t change him, only he can do that) or if you’d be better off building a life without him. Do you have friends or family you can turn to for support?

He doesn’t do anything else bar uni one day a week

Sorry, but why have you chosen this tosser to be the father of your children?

First time, okay, may have been an accident. But 2nd time?

I feel for you, but this isn't going to get any better. if you don't already have a Plan B, I would urge you to figure one out..... now.

He doesn’t do anything apart from go to uni once a week and you have to take him??

Um... why the F are you putting up with this?

Why does he not work? Contribute? Parent his children?

Why are you still with him? He only adds more work to your life? How is resentment not seething away?

He needs to get a grip. Hate it when one half of relationship is being precious about their own sleep and the other is completely shattered and doing everything. I've been there.
He needs to change. Imagine if he had a job working long hours instead of uni...

Good God YANBU. Not ideal timing but start makings your escape plan. Or just boot the fucker out.