To tell my Dad to stop ringing me at uni

[rainbowsunshinestar]

I have recently started a new course at university, I live at home with my parents, my Dad is self employed and works for himself. The issue is ever since I've started he rings me at lunchtime for a chat which is nice but I find it a bit much as I'll see him when I get home after uni, no one else on my course parents seem to ring them at lunch. Also he's said things like text me when you get off the train in the city where I commute to uni so I know you've got there safely. AIBU to say this is too much, I know my Dad is coming from a place of kindness and love but I find I too much, would you be happy with this?

He’s probably just finding it hard to deal with the fact you’re growing up! However it is a little strange, especially as you actually still live with them. Can you stop answering and send a text - say you’re studying in library or having lunch with friends and can’t speak - see you tonight etc?

YANBU. Sounds smothering!

I'd just stop answering. The first couple of times you could text briefly to say you're in a study group/ library/ society/ lecture overran. He should get the hint!

Yanbu, have a gentle chat. If he stops, all is well. If he doesn't - might be difficult.

But he doesn't need to call you every lunchtime, no.

Bizarre! I presume he managed to get through lunchtimes when you were at school without ringing you?

I’d tell him that you’re busy. Lunchtimes is a nice social time at university to meet friends. If you’re not living away and getting those evenings/weekends with your mates then you’ll struggle to meet people!

Stop answering. Just send a text saying you're busy in the library instead.

I'd definitely say to him along the lines of "dad, I'm trying to make new friends at uni but it's difficult to spend lunchtime with them when you keep calling - obviously it's OK to call me if it's really important, and I'd love to chat when I get home, but would you mind not calling me every lunchtime?" Or if that's too scary then do what @Freeloadingtosser said and pretend to be in the library etc for a few days.

Gently reduce your response. Don't answer the phone every time. Text him to say you're in the library or something.
I think I would ask him to knock off the security texting though unless you're happy with that. He sounds rather anxious. My FIL was a bit like this! It was a subterfuge for being a touch controlling...

@Freeloadingtosser

I'd just stop answering. The first couple of times you could text briefly to say you're in a study group/ library/ society/ lecture overran. He should get the hint!

^ This

If he still keeps calling then I'd just have a chat with him that he needs to stop calling you at Uni. If you still live at home then lunchtimes/breaks are the best opportunity you have to network and socialise with the other students and while you love to chat, him calling you is impacting on that.

Sounds like he's just checking you are ok, but it is a bit smothering. Could you ignore the call and then message to say you are having lunch with a friend/s from your course/ in library or whatever and can't pick up?

It might be easier to just talk to him about it though - maybe agree to check in by text instead?

And yes - my step dad was a bit like this - over anxious and controlling tendencies. You shouldnt have to report your every move!