Mum doesn't see grandchild often

[opeeno]

Hi everyone just looking for your opinions. I didn't have the best relationship with my mum since being a child.

Anyway, my baby is nearly a year old and she has only seen her maybe once a month to every 2 months. My dad comes round weekly to see baby (my parents aren't together). Now I'm not saying she needs to come weekly but she will make plans to see her then won't text and pretend it never happened?

I ask her to come round all the time and she won't she'll just make an excuse and say that she can't. I don't mind going round obviously but she hasn't come round since she was 2 months old. I've told her it's a bit of a pain to bring all baby's stuff so she could pop round for a bit but she never wants to.

We also went to a wedding not too long ago and she came over and didn't say anything took the baby and started showing her off to everyone and didn't say a word to us. So we sat by ourselves whilst they all took pictures with her and no one said a word to us despite us trying to make conversation.

So AIBU for wanting her to see my baby more or am I being a PITA?

How far away is she? I don't think every month or every couple of months is particularly infrequent is she has to travel, but if she lives 2 minutes down the road, it's a bit different.

If you don't have a great relationship, I'm not actually sure why you want her to see your child more? Your mother is not going to become the doting grandmother you might want, if that's not the person she is.

Thanks for you reply. She lives not even 10 minutes away. And that is true, I suppose I just want my baby to have a family around her so that's what makes me want to try and make it work. I was always close with my grandma but we had to live with her as young children due to my mum being unable to care for us at the time. She definitely isn't similar to my grandma at all.

You can't force a relationship, it sounds like your mum just isn't that interested in developing a relationship with your child, she's happy enough to showboat herself as a doting gran but doesn't want to actually be a doting gran, that's on her not you or your child and it's her who will ultimately miss out on your no doubt fabulous little person.

Yea I think she just wants to seem good when really she doesn't speak to us much at all. I just get really sad sometimes thinking that my baby won't have a grandma.

no one said a word to us despite us trying to make conversation

Who do you mean when you say no one said a word to you?

But is she really someone you want your child to have a relationship with? It seems to me like she's not very loving or caring and would probably hurt your child as she's hurt you. I understand you want your child to have a doting Grandma, but sadly your mum is never going to be that woman.

Don't push it - she doesn't deserve it - and instead surround your child with people who genuine love and care for her.

You don't have a good relationship with your mother. Think about why. Did she treat you badly? Was she unloving? Now think about why you would want your innocent little baby to have a relationship with her. Don't be fooled into thinking you can all play happy families if that wasn't the case growing up. Enjoy the relationship your dd has with your dad and leave your mother be. If she wants to be involved she'll have to make the effort so stop asking her over when she keeps refusing.

I think once a month is fine

@Howshouldibehave

no one said a word to us despite us trying to make conversation

Who do you mean when you say no one said a word to you?

Hi so that was a bit exaggerated they did speak to us. However, my aunty was the one getting married and I gave the groom the gifts we got for them and he thanked us. But my aunty didn't thank us at all, despite posting the gifts on Facebook. None of my mums side of the family speak to me much and my mum has fallen out with my grandad and others, he won't speak to me because of it. Has nothing to do with me he's just gone weird for some reason. Basically my mums side of the family is a whole mess. They all talk really badly about eachother but act nice to eachothers face. This is why I was disappointed when my mum took DD to the other table and they all took pictures but made no effort to speak to us despite us trying to talk. It all ended in a dead end conversation and we were seated on the furthest table away from my mum and the bridge and groom. A lot of this is pointless information but what I'm trying to get across in the shortest explanation is that they aren't really fussed about actually seeing DD. They just wanted to take pics and hand her back over and not speak to us much.

I wondered the same. That seems bizarre.

If she is only ten minutes away you could go and see her. You don't have to take the whole shebang if you don't stay that long.

I know but sometimes I just wonder why she can't come round you know? And I wonder why she'll ask me to go then make excuses. Currently she hasn't seen DD for 2 months.