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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

I want him belongings out my home!

49 replies

lalalh · 13/09/2021 14:57

I split up with my ex over 4 months ago because he was vile, narcissistic and emotionally/financially abusive. He spent thousands on my credit cards and didn’t contribute to bills/rent etc despite earning a six figure salary. He also cheated on me with escorts, sugarbabies and a dominatrix. He lived in my flat which I own, he has nowhere so he moved back into his parents house.
When he moved in he brought all his possessions with him - furniture etc and my loft is completely full of all his stuff. I want it gone - I don’t want any trace left of him here. He had booked a removal van (allegedly) but cancelled the day before he was due to come - he has now done this 3 times. I have given him a deadline (in writing) of the end of this month to collect his things - he thinks I am being unreasonable and hostile.
At this rate I can’t see him collecting all his stuff by the end of the month and I don’t have a garden/shed/garage I can put it all in. I would even book a removal van myself, load it up and send them to his address to dump it there but he has refused to give me the address for forwarding mail etc. At this rate I’m tempted to just dump it all outside but I don’t know if there are implications on me if I do that?
AIBU for wanting to just bin it all?! Some of it is quite expensive furniture

OP posts:

Mintjulia · 13/09/2021 15:38

I had one like that who left a trailer in my garden and refused to collect it.

In the end I phoned him, told him I'd found a buyer (which I had) and they were collecting on Friday. He was welcome to remove it before then. If however I had to take the afternoon off to sell it, I would be keeping the money to cover loss of leave and storage charges.

It was gone within 8 hours.

JuneOsborne · 13/09/2021 15:42

Book a skip. Send him proof that you've booked it and tell him if it ain't gone by X time on X date, it'll go in the skip.

FlowerArranger · 13/09/2021 15:43

Sell what has value - eBay, Gumtree, auction house
Hold a garage/pavement sale (worked amazingly well for us in the past - people love bargains and will buy anything...)
Donate to charities or via Freecycle
Take what's left to the tip.

pigsDOfly · 13/09/2021 15:49

People telling you to sell it are not giving you good advice.

You may not want it in your house but it isn't yours and you can't just dispose of it as if it is.

You need to give him a fair amount of time (two or thee months rather than days) to collect his goods and if he doesn't do it by the agreed time you still can't keep the money if you do sell it.

It might be worth your while to speak to a solicitor and find out exactly what your legal position is.

If he's as nasty as you say you might find yourself in legal difficulties if you don't deal with this correctly.

PussGirl · 13/09/2021 15:50

You have given him a deadline so you must act on it or you'll lose any power over him and it'll keep dragging on..

Arrange collection the day after the deadline and cancel it if he happens to sort it out himself.

CuriousaboutSamphire · 13/09/2021 15:52

I did however link to two different organisatins that explain, in fairly simple terms, how to get his stuff out of the house and how to recoup any costs!

And 'a fair amount of time' needs only to be 21 days. Not the extended period of time many ebelieve it to be. Given that it has been with OP for a few months and she has already asked him to remove it a few times, she can escalate the issue quite legally!

timeisnotaline · 13/09/2021 15:59

@pigsDOfly

People telling you to sell it are not giving you good advice.

You may not want it in your house but it isn't yours and you can't just dispose of it as if it is.

You need to give him a fair amount of time (two or thee months rather than days) to collect his goods and if he doesn't do it by the agreed time you still can't keep the money if you do sell it.

It might be worth your while to speak to a solicitor and find out exactly what your legal position is.

If he's as nasty as you say you might find yourself in legal difficulties if you don't deal with this correctly.

She split up 4 months ago. He’s had time to book a removal van 3 separate times and cancel the day before each time. If he were a tenant being evicted he’d be out with all his stuff by now. She has given him more than enough time to claim abandonment and doesn’t need to give him any more.

Chloemol · 13/09/2021 16:03

Didn’t you ever meet his parents? So you know their address. Does he have siblings you could contact? Or friends

Do you know where he works, could you send the removal lorry there?

Notaroadrunner · 13/09/2021 16:04

[quote lalalh]@Gliblet no I don’t have any outside space, so it would just be left on the pavement. And there’s a huge amount of stuff including massive armchairs, a drinks cabinet, a big table etc. So I’m not really in a position to just dump it out there (no matter how tempted I am)[/quote]
Sell it online. Fuck him, at least you'd recoup some of the money he stole from you.

ChristmasCocktail · 13/09/2021 16:13

It's all about control over you. Classic narc behaviour.
So give him a taste of his own medicine, tell him since it's been four months and he's not collected it, you assume he no longer wants it. Block him and sell it. And then treat yourself to something nice you deserve it.

ProudAlly · 13/09/2021 16:28

Have a solicitor write a letter telling him that if he doesn't collect in x days then it will be disposed of. Make sure it's sent signed-for. Then sell it to recover your costs. If he comes back to you have him write to your solicitor

that1970shouse · 13/09/2021 17:11

@ProudAlly

She can't do that as he won't give her his address.

Sidehustle99 · 13/09/2021 17:14

You've already messaged him. Send a polite reminder and advise if the items are not collected that they will be sold to cover money he owes you. Photo shot the messages

pigsDOfly · 13/09/2021 17:14

@timeisnotaline Yes, you're right. I'd forgotten about the amount of time that's already gone.

However, she does need to make sure she's got her back covered so she's acting within the law.

Strawbsaturno · 13/09/2021 17:19

We had a pisstaker who left their wardrobe in our garage for 12 months when it was supposed to be for 1 day. They didn’t turn up time after time to collect it.
In the end I said I had booked the council removal service to take some of my old stuff and it would be put out with the collection. That focussed their mind a bit.

TreeTed · 13/09/2021 17:22

Final message sumerisinf him refusing to give address for you to drop off at your own cost, him cancelling movers etc and then give a final date. Then sell everything!

CandyLeBonBon · 13/09/2021 17:23

@Yummypumpkin

A friend in a similar position hired a removal firm, had them take the things to a storage unit, paid the first month's storage and told him if items were not claimed by him (she gave him the access code and would receive a text alert if it was used) they'd be disposed of.

He came on the very last day, without ever replying to the email.

I know you've spent a lot on him already, but this may sort it.

This is exactly what I did with my ex.

HalzTangz · 13/09/2021 17:25

Do you know his parents address. I would just get it moved to their address, I bet they will make him sort it pronto

Original poster

lalalh · 13/09/2021 17:32

I don’t know his parents address, I never met them during the few years we were together as they pretty much disowned him for having a girlfriend with a child out of wedlock . I asked him for the address to forward on some mail and he said he refuses to give it to me because he can’t trust me with personal information apparently!

OP posts:

Sonofabiscuit · 13/09/2021 17:33

Is he in fb ? If is can you ask a friend or family member for his current addressing explain why ..

Mrsmadevans · 13/09/2021 17:34

@StaceysmomandIhavegotitgoinon

Tell him he has till the end of the week or you are putting everything outside with a sign saying 'free to a good home'. Arsehole.

This with knobs on

FortniteBoysMum · 13/09/2021 17:40

Why don't you either hold his stuff at ransom until you get at least some of your money back or tell him he collects it within 48 hours or your selling it to recover some of his debt.

crystalize · 13/09/2021 17:44

Jesus christ just sell the stuff and give the rest away to charity

WiddlinDiddlin · 13/09/2021 18:30

You need something whereby his inaction constitutes an agreement for you to take whatever action you like.

Something like:

"You have until the 10th at 6pm to collect your property from xyz address. Failure to remove property means you agree that I can dispose of any/all items remaining in xyz property after this date/time."

He's had multiple chances to remove it (presumably you can prove that should he take you to small claims but hopefully its of sufficient value it would cost him a fair bit to attempt that), so this puts all the onus on HIM to shift it, and failure to do anything means you can do what you like with it. I'd have a clearance place booked to take the lot the minute he doesn't show.

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