New job, guilt about the kids

[Mumguilt12]

I’ve just accepted a new job after 17 years at my current place.

The job is double my current pay! I honestly feel like a weight has been lifted. It will be life changing for my family. We have been struggling for money for a while (mainly due to me being paid a crap salary compared to industry average and childcare being costly).

We have 3 kids under the age of 10 and my concern is I am relying on nursery, after school clubs a lot.

One child will be dropped off each day by me but in after school club 4 x week til around 6pm.

The other two kids will be in childcare 4 days a week too 8-6. My husband has agreed to drop one day a week in the office to care for all the kids.

Prior to this I worked reduced hours and was around for two days a week in some capacity. The new role is full time.

Does anyone else do this type of arrangement? How do you avoid “dropping the balls”?! I’m feeling quite guilty. At my school mums seem to be around an awful lot. There’s only a few kids using after school club at present.

Maybe when they are older they can be in house whilst I work but not right now. They are too demanding and it wouldn’t work.

I was feeling ok about it but have told a few people and they look at me with sadness and a head tilt like I’m giving them bad news about going back up to full time.

I went back to full time work when DT’s were six months old (normal maternity leave then). We both have full on careers and no family in the U.K.. We used breakfast, after school and holiday clubs. You get to avoid school gate huddles - big advantage.

You and your DH will both have to be on same page and organise who does what and when. Most of DT’s friends had both full time working parents so we were all in it together.

Don't feel guilty at all. Did your H feel guilty about working full time? I bet it didn't cross his mind to.
Just make the most of the time you do have with them and don't waste time comparing yourself to others.

My goodness how do you juggle it?! I take my hat off to you! I only have one and work part time work hours to fit around his school. I am looking for a full time job now as I'm on a low wage and my savings are running out. The perfect job has come up. Full time but 2/3 days wfh. I would be a fool to not go for it.
When others look sad when you say you are going back full-time, it's just a knee jerk response. It doesn't have to be sad and like the pp said above, avoiding the huddle sounds great!
Good luck..I hope you can juggle it so that you can manage

Congratulations on your new job :) and how brilliant that you are stepping up to change life for your whole family.
So many families have mum working 4 days/week and dad full time. You're doing the same just the other way round.
The head tilt thing is annoying... looking at it from another perspective tho, are you perhaps telling people your news with an air of guilt or regret, and they are simply reflecting your tone in their response, rather than judging? Eg if you said cheerily 'I'm delighted, the pay is so much better, I can't wait to get started' they might reflect that positivity. Not saying you should do that if that's not how you feel- just that they may not actually be judging you just following your social cues...

I'm not going to lie, I too feel a bit sad for small children who face a 10 hour day at school/clubs etc. Obviously I don't show though, because other parents would quite rightly tell me to stick my sympathy where the sun doesn't shine.

But realistically what else can you do? You and their dad are doing your best for them financially and I'm sure they'll settle in to their new routine eventually. Plus as you say, it's not forever.

I went from PT to FT in professional services and it was a mistake. I missed out on so much, ran myself into the ground and it was truly awful. And I'm an organised person with cleaner, batch cooked meals from a weekend to last the week and a husband who is hands on. Now I flex my hours to allow two shorter days, work from home to avoid commuting time meaning I can do a proper long day on the day they were in. It's bearable but only because of what was before before flex.

However it sounds like you haven't a choice in terms of family income so it is what it is. But it doesn't mean I don't think it's hard hard hard.

My parents never picked me up from school. They both worked full time and we went to a childminders after.. and we were all in nursery from 6/9 months ish.

We had a lovely childhood and the extra income paid for amazing family holidays/ nice lifestyle ect

They will be fine!

the kids will do just fine. enjoy your new job.

It’s tricky. It’s the money. It’s the difference between using credit cards each month vs. Being comfortable with zero debt. It will enable us to move from this house that me and DH got pre kids and we are rapidly running out of room. We might even be able to afford a holiday, we’ve never been abroad with the children.

The old job is less hours on paper but I find myself working a few extra hours in the evening after kids have gone to bed. The new job apparently offers some flexibility BUT of course with it being a brand new job there is a lot to learn and we need to get to know each other first before I start with any demands of finishing early etc.

Both jobs are fully remote from my home.

I will look for ways to try to be ultra organised. And I’m hoping my DH will keep on top of washing etc on his day at home.

The idea is much worse than reality, honestly.
I went back to work FT when my babies were 4-5 months old, from 7.30-5.30.
No harm, no foul - they’re happy, we’ll adjusted kids now.
We have a helper/housekeeper who now does all the school pick ups and ferries them to after school activities, but before we had her they were in after school club until after 5pm.

As they get older, it’s easier to juggle. Well done on your new job, the financial bonus will be life changing for you all!

Financial stability and security is one of those things that's not particularly high on the agenda of a small child, but when they are grown they will appreciate all the opportunities you were able to give them.
Congratulations OP! 🥂

Congrats OP, sounds perfect! My siblings and I had the childhood you describe - breakfast and after school clubs 8am-6pm. At primary we didn’t know any better and had fun at both clubs. At secondary I LOVED being home before my parents, so I could watch what TV I wanted and eat what junk food I wanted!

We also massively benefited from the extra money - a big house, great holidays and secondary private school.

We’re all grown up now and very close to both our parents. You’re doing the best for your family, don’t feel bad!

Congratulations on your new job! It sounds like a brilliant opportunity that will make a massive difference to your family.

I'm sure nobody would be doing sympathetic head tilts if your husband managed to double his salary

I also think your husband doing a day to pick up the childcare could be great for all of you. DP started having DS alone a day a week once I went back after MAT leave and he got a new appreciation for everything I'd been doing!

Given that you have three DC, would an after-school childminder or part-time nanny be an option, or would it work out a lot more expensive than your current set-up? That way they could be all together and in a more family type setting (or even actually in their own home) which might be a compromise? (I guess it also depends on your kids' ages though - if they are 5, 3 and 2 that is quite different from 10-year-old twins and an 8-year-old, say, who might actually prefer to be in clubs with their friends.)