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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Am I overreacting?

27 replies

Bug8 · 13/09/2021 12:52

I have been with my partner for nearly 4 years now. He has a teenage son (14 years old) who we have over every weekend. On Saturday my sister and her daughter (12 years old) came over to visit. My niece is a shy girl when she visits, she doesn't say much but very loud and vocal when with her friends and with those she's used to.

After my sister and daughter left, my partner asked my step-son what he thinks of my niece. Whether she's different from the last time they visited, whether a bit more mature, whether she's shy blah blah............

My step-son goes on to give his opinion and even went as far as saying my niece has a mental age of an 8 year old and how she's clueless, how she will struggle in life cos her parents have over shielded her from the real world, how she will struggle with other kids at school (she's in secondary & enjoying it, not had issues yet). Hearing all the opinions from my partner and step-son, I interrupted and said to them that it wasn't good to judge my niece who they barely know based on a couple of hours they get to spend with her. But they carried on, I know everyone is entitled to their opinions, but I hated hearing them talk about her that way. I was hurt and felt hate and resentment towards my partner and my step-son. It's not the first time they have made "not very" nice comments about my niece. I want to talk to my partner about it but thought i would ask here first if am overreacting. This is my family and they go on and talk about my niece sooooooo negatively.........such luck of respect........ I find.

OP posts:
AryaStarkWolf · 13/09/2021 12:56

No you're not over reacting, It's all your partners fault though, his son is a 14 year old and picking his ques up from the adult there who's encouraging it

Hattie765 · 13/09/2021 13:00

That is so rude and disrespectful, they sound awful tbh.

lockdownalli · 13/09/2021 13:00

I think the DP is to blame here as obviously the DS is taking his lead from his father.

He doesn't sound like a very nice man OP. Sad

DrSbaitso · 13/09/2021 13:01

Why on earth did your partner ask such an inappropriate question to start with?

TaraR2020 · 13/09/2021 13:31

YANBU

Bug8 · 13/09/2021 14:59

@Hattie765 I think so. To be honest am thinking of telling him how disrespectful that is.

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Bug8 · 13/09/2021 15:04

@DrSbaitso no idea but I have experienced this kind of behaviour from them. They tend to comment on other people's kids as my step-son behaves and talks like he's much better than other kids. They have used words like "that kid is thick or person is thick". I don't like that kind of behaviour at all.

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HarrisonStickle · 13/09/2021 15:06

[quote Bug8]@DrSbaitso no idea but I have experienced this kind of behaviour from them. They tend to comment on other people's kids as my step-son behaves and talks like he's much better than other kids. They have used words like "that kid is thick or person is thick". I don't like that kind of behaviour at all. [/quote]
Why are you with this man? He sounds horrible.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 13/09/2021 15:08

Omg that’s horrendous that your DP even asked him! No wonder he’s growing up thinking he’s able to pass comment on girls and give his views on “what he thinks of her” Shock

I’d be reading them both the absolute riot act

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 13/09/2021 15:09

I would be rethinking my relationship with a man who has brought his son up in this way.

Be careful not to focus your ire on the Dss because he’s the product of his upbringing, which is your issue in this casw

girlmom21 · 13/09/2021 15:10

To be honest that question from me sounds like he was trying to gauge whether his DS fancied her which is really inappropriate.

I'd be completely put off a grown man slagging off a child, especially when he's already been told how inappropriate it is.

pommepommefrites · 13/09/2021 15:20

@girlmom21

To be honest that question from me sounds like he was trying to gauge whether his DS fancied her which is really inappropriate.

I'd be completely put off a grown man slagging off a child, especially when he's already been told how inappropriate it is.

I thought the same, who gives a fuck what a 14 year old thinks of a 12 year old non-relative. Is he arranging a marriage?
billy1966 · 13/09/2021 15:26

They both sound awful.

Bug8 · 13/09/2021 21:18

@HarrisonStickle hard one cos we have a 17 month old son and kind of stuck as I don't want to take him away from his father. Don't know what to do really.

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DrSbaitso · 13/09/2021 21:21

[quote Bug8]@HarrisonStickle hard one cos we have a 17 month old son and kind of stuck as I don't want to take him away from his father. Don't know what to do really. [/quote]
Well, you have choices and whatever you do, you're selecting one of them.

Can't say I think his father is a great influence or role model.

AnneLovesGilbert · 13/09/2021 21:25

Can't say I think his father is a great influence or role model.

No, indeed. Do you want your baby growing up thinking this sort of behaviour is normal or acceptable?

Bug8 · 13/09/2021 21:26

@GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing yo right. Just in that moment I wasn't happy with the both of them. This happened yesterday and am still feeling the pain but am sure it will still pass.

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Bug8 · 13/09/2021 21:30

@AnneLovesGilbert definitely not. Hard one indeed.

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GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 13/09/2021 21:57

@Bug8 I wouldn’t be happy with dss either and I’m not excusing him, as he’s not a baby. I just think the focus and main culprit is your DH.

Mistyplanet · 13/09/2021 22:03

I think you need to confront your DH. Ask him what his intentions were behind this question and why didnt he step in when your stepson was slagging off your DN. See what his answer is. Your step son is rude but 14 year old boys can be vile whereas your DH should have known this conversation was inappropriate.

QueenBee52 · 13/09/2021 22:05

Pair of Vile Twats is what they are...

Kuachui · 13/09/2021 22:07

Why the fk is he even asking his son what he thought of a 12 year old girl.... That's just abit wierd

QueenBee52 · 13/09/2021 22:12

@Kuachui

Why the fk is he even asking his son what he thought of a 12 year old girl.... That's just abit wierd

it really is .. isn't it .. I'd be so angry at them both

QueenBee52 · 14/09/2021 19:19

@Bug8

How are you today ?

Bug8 · 14/09/2021 21:17

@QueenBee52 am good thanks. Thanks for checking on me. Speaking to OH tonight.

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