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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

SILs rude child

27 replies

Purplelamp87 · 13/09/2021 12:27

I really need to vent about this. We saw my SIL and her 8 year old daughter over the weekend and I've come back absolutely exhausted from the rudeness. It was constant, aimed at both her Mum, me and my DS and was basically ignored.

AIBU to think she is going to really struggle as she gets older?

Examples include:

  • saying 'disgusting' to the slice she chose and I paid for and it didn't taste like she expected
  • told me 'i had no idea what I was doing' when putting my DSs carseat in. This was a continued commentary on my uselessness while I put it in
  • said she didn't like any of DSs toys right to his face and really upset him
  • after visit to the cinema said she didn't even enjoy it so I should buy her sweets because that's what she really wanted

AIBU - she will get worse

YABU - it's a phase

OP posts:
SW1amp · 13/09/2021 12:28

How does SIL react to it?

TheLightSideOfTheMoon · 13/09/2021 12:29

Avoid them from now on. Life’s too short.

Original poster
Purplelamp87 · 13/09/2021 12:30

Ignored it. Looked at her phone basically. A few times I corrected her ('the carseat anchors need to be repositioned') but that increased the rudeness.

OP posts:
DrSbaitso · 13/09/2021 12:31

If your SIL doesn't pull her up on the rudeness, you should.

HollowTalk · 13/09/2021 12:33

I just wouldn't go out with them again. What's the point?

Catflapkitkat · 13/09/2021 12:33

Or say to your SIL 'are you going to let her talk me like that because I am not okay with it'. Give her the option of reprimanding her first.

StepAwayFromGoogling · 13/09/2021 12:36

Agree with @DrSbaitso - "it's rude to... [insert description of rudeness here]" ad infinitum.

Movingsoon21 · 13/09/2021 12:37

I would pull her up on it if SIL can’t be bothered. She’ll soon learn there are different rules when she’s around you!

“DNiece, that’s a mean thing to say, it’s not nice to say mean things about other children’s toys”

“DNiece, you probably didn’t realise but it’s very rude to criticise someone when they’re trying to do something. Keep nasty opinions to yourself in future”.

“DNiece, if you can’t think of anything nice to say, then it’s best not to say anything at all”

If SIL looks upset/annoyed with you or says anything then just say, sorry we don’t allow rudeness or nastiness, we don’t want DS to learn it from others. If she buggers off after this then honestly it’s no loss to you!

lockdownalli · 13/09/2021 12:38

I don't understand why you didn't mention it at the time.

But yeah, what PP said. Just don't go out with them again.

CuriousaboutSamphire · 13/09/2021 12:38

@Catflapkitkat

Or say to your SIL 'are you going to let her talk me like that because I am not okay with it'. Give her the option of reprimanding her first.
Yep! Talk to the adult. An 8 year old needs to be aware that they are a child.

I have a friend whose 8 year old is a constant butt-er in, raised voice, talk all over anyone's conversation. he can't understand why it is annoying and, as he takes her everywhere, has lost a few possibilities of romance because his child just yatters, loudly, constantly about all sorts of inane things and doesn't stop.

I don't bother hiding my annoyance any more, I tell her to wait and often turn my back on her until I am ready to include her in any conversation. Thankfuly that seems to have made her more mindful when around me.

pussycatlickinglollyices · 13/09/2021 12:41

The teenage know it all years have begun early with this one.

I'd correct her every time, and point out her lack of manners...or avoid the pair of them.

Icecreamsoda99 · 13/09/2021 12:42

You need to pull her up for your own sanity or not see her, she won't get better, she's testing boundaries and potentially crying out for attention if mum is glued to her phone. You don't have to be nasty about it.

LakieLady · 13/09/2021 12:42

She's a brat. I would avoid her from now on.

One of my SIL's kids were appallingly bratty and rude, but now they're teens they're much more polite, which surprised me.

NoSquirrels · 13/09/2021 12:44

In this situation, with a niece or nephew, I would address it to the child.

saying 'disgusting' to the slice she chose and I paid for and it didn't taste like she expected

I’m sorry you don’t like it, DN, but it is really rude to call food disgusting. It’s fine not to like something, just leave it on your plate, there’s no need to comment.

- told me 'i had no idea what I was doing' when putting my DSs carseat in. This was a continued commentary on my uselessness while I put it in

That’s very rude, DN!

- said she didn't like any of DSs toys right to his face and really upset him

It’s really rude to say that, DN. Just because you don’t like something doesn’t mean you have to say so. I expect you’ve got lots of toys DS wouldn’t like either. If you can’t be nice, be quiet.

- after visit to the cinema said she didn't even enjoy it so I should buy her sweets because that's what she really wanted

I’m sorry you didn’t enjoy the film, DN, but I will not be buying sweets.

Confiscatedpopit · 13/09/2021 12:46

I would have told her- particularly the car seat thing! She would have been told to be quiet and get in the car.

LittleLottieChaos · 13/09/2021 12:47

Is her name Veruca Salt?

NoSquirrels · 13/09/2021 12:47

If my child is being obnoxious, I am absolutely fine with someone else in a parental role telling them so. If your SIL isn’t, you’ll soon find out l. But either way I wouldn’t keep quiet.

timeisnotaline · 13/09/2021 12:48

I’m sorry you don’t like the slice. You did choose it.

That’s a shame (you didn’t like the movie). Everyone else seems to have had a good time so I might take them again one day.

Remind me how many babies you look after and when did you get your drivers license again? Re car seat.

Polkadots2021 · 13/09/2021 12:48

@lockdownalli

I don't understand why you didn't mention it at the time.

But yeah, what PP said. Just don't go out with them again.

I understand why you didn't the first time, as it's kinda awkward isn't it, and you wonder if it's stepping on the other parents toes etc etc. But yes definitely pull her up ever time now. It's ridiculous to have events and days out by a rude child.
WheelieBinPrincess · 13/09/2021 12:51

OH.

Another rude 8 year old girl child thread!

Does her name begin with A?

honeylulu · 13/09/2021 13:16

Ugh, she sounds awful.
We were at a neighbour's child's birthday party yesterday and my husband was helping our daughter climb down from a tree. A rude kid (guest) started trying to order him about "no adults in this bit of the garden, I want you to go away etc." H just said "Oh buzz off you rude little squirt". Kid looked really shocked and promptly shut up - obviously used to being pandered to.

DrManhattan · 13/09/2021 13:20

Sounds like a total brat. The mum sounds useless as well. I would avoid.

WandaVision2 · 13/09/2021 13:37

Why is the child just the responsibility?

Is sil married to your brother or is she dh’s side?

WandaVision2 · 13/09/2021 13:38

*just the responsibility of the mother

Stircraazy · 13/09/2021 13:44

I would ignore, or smile sweetly.

An 8 year old moans or criticises you - what does it matter, leave her to it. Don't buy her sweets on demand. Tell her if she is being rude or unpleasant to DS.

Otherwise leave her be. It doesn't matter to you how she turns out - it is her and her DM's problem.

Horrible children often turn out fine when they get a bit older, they learn to behave well to be accepted by their peers.

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