School Transport. Wh was unreasonable?

[IHaveNoOneToTalkTo]

I'm bracing myself to be told that I am unreasonable.

My daughter has complex needs and goes to a specialist school. She gets picked up by school transport in the mornings and afternoons as her school is out of the borough.

This morning the bus rang me at 7.23 to let me know that they would be arriving in 20 minutes, they called again at 7:36 ( very particular, I know but this is relevant) to tell me that they are outside. I live in a flat on the top floor and have to walk down 3 big flights of stairs. When I got to the bus it was 7:40. They gave me a huge lecture about how I was 3 minutes late even though I was on time and on top of that there was no good morning or anything to my 6 year old daughter and I just found it all really rude. They haven't taken in to consideration my daughters condition. She has limited speech, understanding and sensory issues and that can sometimes delay us by a few minutes in the morning as she doesn't like putting her uniform on, getting dressed having her teeth brushed etc. I just felt like they lacked empathy and understanding and on top of that I was on time.

AIBU?

@GoWalkabout

I think they rang to make sure you would be outside waiting to smooth the journey for everyone. They probably have to rule with an iron fist or it would be chaos but I am sure you will develop a good relationship with them just don't get barriers up.

Yes, I guess they need everything to run smoothly. They arrived earlier than they told me though so they didn't really give me the chance to get there.

You weren't unreasonable, but I see you're going to try to be five minutes "early" so that you're downstairs.

Can you maybe try to think of this as a five minute calm time - if you're outside or on the doorstep it can be a nice time to look at the weather, plants that are growing, people going past, things that are different from yesterday etc. It just gives a calm break between the hectic-getting-out-the-house and the "off to school" - like you've stolen a tiny bit of the day to spend together with "nothing to do" apart from watch the world go by.

@Toomuchis That's a really lovely idea.

I think this is part of modern life. People like to assume everyone else is taking the p. Our politicians encourage us to believe everyone else is 'scrounging' something, even if its only time. I don't think there's anything you can do. You rely on them and they know that. You have my sympathy as these nasty interactions are draining.

YANBU
I just don’t understand how they could give you a huge lecture, all you had to say (and you did) was that actually you were early.
After that if they continued I would have insisted until they agreed that the person who called you was the one actually at fault and that you did nothing wrong.

But then I’l confrontational, which I know isn’t great 🤷🏼‍♀️

Thats exactly it, no set time just an ETA everyday, although it is usually around the same time, give or take 5/10 minutes.

Considering they are just giving you an ETA rather than having a set time every day, they are being even more unreasonable to lecture you about being late. Having said that, if they generally arrive around the same time then I would start using that time to be the time you are waiting downstairs by. If they're there on time then great, if not then you can just have a few minutes of calm time as Toomuchis suggested.

I pointed it out and they said "oh, really?"

My response to that would have been "Yes, so perhaps in future you need to check your information before you start lecturing me for being late."

I'd let it go now, but make a note of it so that if it turns into a pattern that the ETA they give you and the time they actually arrive are significantly different (except in an emergency or unexpected traffic issue) and/or they lecture you for being "late" again under similar circumstances then you have a record to report to the LA.

Were they men by any chance?

@GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing

Were they men by any chance?

No, two women