Honest advice needed

[mumoftotes]

I will include as much honest detail as possible:

My H drinks >100 units every week
Any conversation we have in the evening he can't remember
He takes drink with him when he stays away
He took our dd away 5 weeks ago - I asked him not to take drink
I asked him to please not drink masses when they were away
He was livid and hasn't really spoken to me since. One word answers at best.

He now sleeps on sofa
Doesn't engage with anything to do with me or kids.
Won't answer texts
I have tried reading about this behaviour
I think it's grey rock
It feels like someone has told him to do this.

It feels like he's pushing me to leave.

I'm actually frightened to speak to him. He won't be violent but will blame me for everything. He has a very nasty way of speaking so I know I'll end up crying.

I need some genuine advice please.

Good Lord OP, you need to kick him out. He's a drunk. He's controlling you, you're fearful of his reaction if you tell him to go.

Op
The house is just bricks and mortar. Surely after 25 years, there is a good amount of equity in the house?
Or he leaves?
Do you work, OP?

You need legal advice OP.

As you are married, all assets should be joint. You may not have to leave the house - get advice and then make a plan of action.

It's really not fair to expose your DD to this

You're not staying for your dc op because this 'family' is not good for them.

My gf was an alcoholic, he died when I was small.
My dm is elderly now and her childhood affected not only her life but mine and my siblings too. When you're parented by the child of an alcoholic your childhood is not normal.

Please leave. His actions when drunk will affect your daughter's self esteem and subsequent relationships for the rest of her life. How would you feel reading this if it had been written by her in 20 years time? Would you tell her to stay? You deserve better than this. Please get professional advice and get out of this relationship.

I grew up with alcoholic parents who hated each other. It really damaged me and my siblings. Your children leaving their home now is nothing compared to a life of bad relationships and a terrible relationship with alcohol.

People who are simply saying Leave, OP says this man is violent so it’s not just that simple
Can you contact Women’s Aid for advice and do you have any family who can support you?

And so what if he did? If you read this back, you essentially sent your daughter away for an easier life. What sort of easier life would you have had if something had happened to her whilst she was away? It’s also teaching her that this is ok. Would you want her to stay in a relationship like this?

I understand from your post how worn down you are. You can’t control what your husband does but you can control what you do.

Start planning how to leave. Each little step forward will build confidence. Staying in an environment and relationship like this is a much harder life than leaving.

My dad was an alcoholic and my mum used to let us in the car with him to spare her from his moods.

Please leave.

Google 'adult children of alcoholics' if you want to understand what staying will do to your children.

I have a poor relationship with my mum now for not leaving, I resent her for choosing a house over him. Staying isn't the answer.

I have family friends whose parents were both alcoholics. Their mother is now irreparably brain damaged from the alcohol, is refusing detox, her body is closing down. All of her adult children have had issues with alcohol because they’re modelling the behaviour they were shown growing up. They grew up living in ‘crisis mode’ and are all traumatised and with mental health issues. All four of them. Two are seeking help from AA for their own abuses. The other two still drink a lot. They’re all having to manage their mother, who is in total denial and dying.

Do not do this to your child. Leave.

@mumoftotes
“ God he would have gone absolutely mad“

Tough
Was he drink driving ? Probably. Think about that instead of him throwing his toys out of the pram . What if he’d killed her or something awful had happened while he was drinking?

Time to face up to this i’m afraid