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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think everyone needs a break from their dc?

45 replies

Sunbleachseashell · 12/09/2021 19:27

I would even go so far to say that my happiest times are when they aren’t there.
For 12 years all my weekends have been taken up by stuff that I don’t really want to do and because DH has been totally absent and off playing golf it’s all been me.
I’ve reach a point where I have had enough. I went out for the day the weekend before last and I’m planning on saying I’m going out this weekend too and he can have the dc.
I know he isn’t going to be thrilled but I am at the point where I’ve had enough. Absolutely enough. I work all week - as does he to be fair - and I want to do something that I enjoy.
Aibu? I suppose I had a day the weekend before last but he has had a full day at least every weekend for the last 12 years and actually a day and a half most weekends.
I want to go to see an art exhibition, have lunch, and do some shopping.

OP posts:

Goldbar · 12/09/2021 20:41

YABU to let this go on so long.

YANBU to just leave them to it. I'd go out one weekend day every weekend until he's willing to have a sensible conversation about family responsibilities.

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 12/09/2021 20:43

He is a shit dad. With hindsight, the time to have tackled this would have been seeing how crap he was after dc1.

All you can do is look forward now. What do you want your life to look like? Then make the relevant moves to get this.

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 12/09/2021 20:44

&My DS has to look after the DC, the dogs and the cats - not without help from the two grandmothers and the auntie*

Are you not embarrassed that your son is unable to parent his own children without support from you all?

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 12/09/2021 20:44

Bold fail.

My DS has to look after the DC, the dogs and the cats - not without help from the two grandmothers and the auntie

Cleverpolly3 · 12/09/2021 20:45

@DrSbaitso
White goods with tits is the only thing that’s made me laugh all day so thank you!

@Sunbleachseashell
I’m a single mother to three and never get a break really except to go to the supermarket alone or walk the dog! But if you have a husband he needs to step up or honestly he’s just another child really and a cheeky fucker at that

DrSbaitso · 12/09/2021 21:30

You're welcome, @Cleverpolly3.

It's true, though. We hear so much about women being objectified as sex objects, but this is also objectification and it might even be more widespread. So many men who think their wives have no needs or wants of their own, or at least shouldn't, and exist to bear their children while they fuck off pleasing themselves and dropping in and out as they wish.

I'm so sick of it. Women just disappear.

TurnTowardsTheSun · 12/09/2021 23:50

@Sunbleachseashell

I would even go so far to say that my happiest times are when they aren’t there. For 12 years all my weekends have been taken up by stuff that I don’t really want to do and because DH has been totally absent and off playing golf it’s all been me. I’ve reach a point where I have had enough. I went out for the day the weekend before last and I’m planning on saying I’m going out this weekend too and he can have the dc. I know he isn’t going to be thrilled but I am at the point where I’ve had enough. Absolutely enough. I work all week - as does he to be fair - and I want to do something that I enjoy. Aibu? I suppose I had a day the weekend before last but he has had a full day at least every weekend for the last 12 years and actually a day and a half most weekends. I want to go to see an art exhibition, have lunch, and do some shopping.

How do you think single parents manage?!

SayMumOneMoreTime · 13/09/2021 00:38

You are doing exactly the right thing. Tell him you are going out, and go! Feel no guilt - you have done your turn, now it's his go. It's only right and fair.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 13/09/2021 01:08

How do you think single parents manage?!

This is so not the question here!

The question is how did the “d”h pull such a fast one for so long?

Single parents manage because they have to. The OP managed! It’s just that there was a husband there getting all the benefits of having a family whilst doing none of the hard work!

DrSbaitso · 13/09/2021 06:02

How do you think single parents manage?!

She's not supposed to be a single parent. That's the point.

TreeTed · 13/09/2021 06:18

@Dillydollydingdong

My ddil makes sure she gets her me-time, out with her mates. My DS has to look after the DC, the dogs and the cats - not without help from the two grandmothers and the auntie. At least hopefully my ddil will be happy

How sad that he has to look after/babysit them and need help and this is worthy of mentioning as an achievement. Does your DDIL get that level of help when she is looking after their kids?

MsTSwift · 13/09/2021 06:27

12 years he’s the only one who gets childfree time?! How the hell did you come up with that insane arrangement?

My first night out after having dd2 just dinner with local friends left Dh with baby and toddler. When I got back both had different clothes and bedding. They had both been really sick everywhere. Love that it didn’t occur to Dh to ring me up “you were on your night out”.

Stircraazy · 13/09/2021 06:30

You need a hobby /interest. Start finding it NOW.

BeenAroundTheWorldAndIII · 13/09/2021 06:53

@Dillydollydingdong

DS 'has' to look after the DC does he? Shouldn't that read 'DS looks after the DC'? Given he is the dad and it seems perfectly reasonable to me that he watches them. How many DC has he got that it takes 4 adults to watch them? I hope the mother gets everyone rallying around too or it's probably no wonder she feels the need for a break.

BeenAroundTheWorldAndIII · 13/09/2021 06:58

Your DH sounds so selfish OP! What a shame he has put golf before family time and needs for 12 years!
You have yourself some much needed, guilt free, me time!
I'd personally make an agreement with DH about how many days a month he gets free time for golf, how much time you get and how much time is spent together/as a family and make it fair to save your resentment and sanity!

cptartapp · 13/09/2021 07:01

@Dillydollydingdong

What about the grandfathers and the uncle? Why is childcare only the job of the females? How odd.

YouJustDoYou · 13/09/2021 07:02

Same, but not because I don't love them, but because dh is either away with work or fucking fishing. I do get the odd morning or afternoon off though, and maybe once a month a whole day to myself, but usually that's only when the tides aren't right and he won't be fishing.

The kids chatter and talk at me all day long, and then all I get from him is consent talk about fishing, he'll just flap his mouth constantly at me aboit what lures he's going to use tonorrow, about what boat he'd like in the future, then chatter about what the boats specs are, what fish he's likely to catch....sometimes all I need is just some peace and fucking quiet away from talking humans all the time.

Rosesareyellow · 13/09/2021 07:02

It’s not the happiest time no, definitely not - but it’s certainly the most relaxing, which is essential too.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 13/09/2021 07:17

Dillydollydingdong
My ddil makes sure she gets her me-time, out with her mates. My DS has to look after the DC, the dogs and the cats - not without help from the two grandmothers and the auntie. At least hopefully my ddil will be happy grin

DS 'has' to look after the DC does he? Shouldn't that read 'DS looks after the DC'? Given he is the dad and it seems perfectly reasonable to me that he watches them. How many DC has he got that it takes 4 adults to watch them? I hope the mother gets everyone rallying around too or it's probably no wonder she feels the need for a break.

^^
I found that comment staggering too! The poor Ds having to look after his own children! And needing so many to help him

JudithBernstein · 13/09/2021 07:22

@DrSbaitso

You are asking the wrong question in your title.

I might need to take a MN break for a bit. I'm so tired of reading about all these useless, selfish men who think of their wives as white goods with tits or live in nannies. It shouldn't affect me as much as it does but I am so, so, so sick of it. I can only imagine how sick I'd be if I were married to one.

Totally agree with this.

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