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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To move my one year old's birthday?

53 replies

ThirdElephant · 12/09/2021 14:14

DS is turning one in the next couple of months and unfortunately I can't get the day off work. I can be off work the day after his birthday, and I was wondering whether to just move his birthday, rather than have presents on a day when I'll only be there for an hour in the morning and then an hour before bedtime. Would it be a shame to not do anything on the actual day? We're planning to take him to the zoo as a celebration either at the weekend or the day after his birthday.

DH can get either day off, but I wonder if it'd be better to just hold off and have us both off on the same day for the celebration, albeit a day later that it should be.

AIBU to basically ignore his real birthday in order to celebrate the day later?

OP posts:
LowlyTheWorm · 12/09/2021 15:59

I’m with @Rainy1252 and others who think it’s weird to literally ignore the actual birthday- as in the anniversary of the birth. I understand celebrating their birthday on another day for convenience but to actually pretend it’s a birthday and say happy birthday on the wrong day… is just wrong. Doesn’t matter how unaware a one year old is- you wouldn’t tell them a heap of lies all the time given that same fact that they don’t really understand anything as they’re only a baby anyway would you? So why on their birthday is it okay? Weird.

HungryHippo11 · 12/09/2021 16:03

I would probably open cards on their birthday but leave everything else for another day. A 1 year old has no concept of birthdays so what is the harm?

We actually did this for my younger child last year. Her birthday was a Tuesday, so my husband would have been at work and our other child at preschool. We celebrated the Sunday before instead - neither child any the wiser

forteprocess · 12/09/2021 16:03

It's fine he won't have any idea anyway

HungryHippo11 · 12/09/2021 16:05

you wouldn’t tell them a heap of lies all the time given that same fact that they don’t really understand anything as they’re only a baby anyway would you? So why on their birthday is it okay?

Because celebrating their birthday one day later isn't "a heap of lies" is it 🤨
And if someone was telling their baby a "heap of lies" any other day of the week i wouldn't have an issue with it because, as you say, they have no clue. I might wonder why the parent would bother but it wouldn't upset me. In this case its clear why the parent would bother - so they can have a more relaxed birthday celebration.

MrsSkylerWhite · 12/09/2021 16:06

Telling a one year old a “heap of lies”

🤣

Bluntness100 · 12/09/2021 16:08

You don’t need to ignore it, you can still wish him happy birthday, just move the celebration. He’s one. He won’t care.

TheChiefJo · 12/09/2021 16:09

They don't know dates, do it when you can all be together.

lurker69 · 12/09/2021 16:24

we never have birthdays on the actual day unless its on a weekend, we have it on the closest weekend so we can all be a part of it! my kids are all fine with it.

WorraLiberty · 12/09/2021 16:26

@Cocomarine

Don’t even know why this is a question 🤣
Exactly what I was thinking! Confused
ProcrastinationIsMySuperPower · 12/09/2021 16:31

My DD's first birthday was the day after my mum's funeral, and I absolutely wasn't in the right headspace to deal with it so moved it by a week. She neither knew nor cared, even my older child was oblivious. Do it, it really won't matter.

NuffSaidSam · 12/09/2021 16:56

'Doesn’t matter how unaware a one year old is- you wouldn’t tell them a heap of lies all the time given that same fact that they don’t really understand anything as they’re only a baby anyway would you?'

😂

NuffSaidSam · 12/09/2021 16:58

'And even for a one year old, who has no idea, for myself I just couldn’t ignore it.'

That's fine because a one year olds birthday is about YOU, the parent. So you do what makes YOU happy. If that makes you happy then you do that. OP will do what makes her happy.

But it's not about the baby. They have no idea.

Hopdathelf · 12/09/2021 16:58

Honestly, does anyone actually celebrate on their birthday? Once every seven years maybe. Your child won’t be emotionally scarred by you celebrating a day or two late. Your child won’t even know it’s their birthday FFS.

Looubylou · 12/09/2021 17:00

I've nearly always had to work my child's birthday. Up early to room of banners and balloons, open presents off us and cards from family. Off to nursery /school. Night time visitors/cake/family present. Weekend party for friends. 2 cakes required. 3 when he was at nursery. I'm in the spread it out camp, rather than ignore the day.

MiseryFire · 12/09/2021 17:03

I was one of those awful people! DD turned 4 on the very first day of my new job, so no chance of getting the day off. She had no concept of dates, so we just had it the day before (Sunday). My family played along, as far as she was concerned it was her birthday that day and she got all the fuss.

It would have utterly confused her to do any acknowledgement the next day, so we didn't mention it to her, although ExH and I obviously acknowledged it between us. No harm done.

BrieAndChilli · 12/09/2021 17:05

Most people surely don’t do ALL the birthday stuff on the actual birthday? It’s impossible with school/work/commitments etc
Actual birthday = presents and cards and some sort of cake
Another convienent day = birthday party or celebrating with relatives or a special day out etc

I’m not sure that anyone completely ignores the actual birthday though do they? As in completely pretends it bothers birthday?

TimeIhadaNameChange · 12/09/2021 17:15

I'd acknowledge his actual birthday with cake and your present (then that way he has time and energy to focus on it) then do everything else the next day.

That's sort of what I did for DD's 1st. I wanted to do something on the day so we took her for a socially-distanced visit to friends of mine early evening, then home for dinner and cake. She opened one present but was too tired for any more, so got them the next day.

Briony123 · 12/09/2021 17:19

We celebrated our 13 and 10 year olds birthdays on different days to their actual birthdays this year so we could all be together.
A 1 yr old has zero inkling of birthdays. If you didn't celebrate it at all, the child would have no idea. With babies, it's a case of treating them as well as you can every day rather than making any one day extra special.

Rainy1252 · 12/09/2021 17:21

@NuffSaidSam

'And even for a one year old, who has no idea, for myself I just couldn’t ignore it.'

That's fine because a one year olds birthday is about YOU, the parent. So you do what makes YOU happy. If that makes you happy then you do that. OP will do what makes her happy.

But it's not about the baby. They have no idea.

Of course OP will, although not sure what the point of posting asking ‘AIBU to ignore my baby’s real birthday’ if she doesn’t want to hear some people think she is and they wouldn’t do it themselves.
Floralnomad · 12/09/2021 17:24

I can’t see the point , open the cards and presents on the birthday , have the day out / birthday party / celebrations on a different day that’s convenient , surely that is what 90% of the population do normally .

Anordinarymum · 12/09/2021 17:29

Move it but be prepared for the fallout when in twenty years time your child posts about it on here and says how badly it affected his life :)

Taswama · 12/09/2021 17:30

Definitely no problem to move the celebration for your child to another day, but treat yourself to a nice glass of something on the actual day as a reward for surviving the first year!

Fanfix · 12/09/2021 17:31

@Rainy1252 why are you so riled up about this? Confused

The kid is 1 ...

Rainy1252 · 12/09/2021 17:39

[quote Fanfix]@Rainy1252 why are you so riled up about this? Confused

The kid is 1 ...[/quote]
What makes you think I’m ‘riled up’?

BananaPB · 12/09/2021 17:40

It's fine. Do it

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