(Sorry very long)
My chronically ill (disabled by agony really) beautiful sensitive 18 DD was taken camping with her younger sister by their dad, my XH (married for 20, divorced for 3 due to his continued emotional abuse towards our son, my eldest daughters twin).
18 yr old hasn’t seen her dad for months due to his moving his gf and her kids in and his inability to put her needs first.
She also has PTSD, extreme social anxiety, facial and body dismorphia, self harms, has horrific nightmares etc
XH suggested a camping trip with just him this weekend as he missed her and was conscious he’d never see her as she can’t stand his gf and has panic attacks at his house.
Yet again he’s behaved appallingly towards them I had texts at midnight from the girls saying they were in a situation he’d blown a fuse at something minor and was threatening to leave them there and basically being an aggressive abusive narcissist twunt. Eldest on the verge of having an extreme panic attack. I talked her down.
I’ve had enough of this. I’m doing all I can to help get my girl better (relocating home, lockdown support puppy bought, share my bed, private therapy etc) and feel any contact always ends in misery for them all.
My 13 yr old DD confirmed he’s like this all the time as she’s continued to see him fortnightly.
He moved away from them, dropped frequency of having them to minimum
AIBU to give strong steer they should go NC?
If IANBU to suggest then how best to do it either tell him ‘Your appalling behaviour is damaging & therefore we are going NC byeee’ or just politely turn down invites to see him (eg over Xmas) until he works out they’ve not seen him for yonks.
Ffs. I can’t work out how he sleeps at night or lives with himself.
My mum thinks he’s (and I quote) a ‘dangerous nutter’ and the kids shouldn’t have contact as he’s done quite enough damage already.
Bizarrely my son has a fine relationship with him now but he’s leaving home soon so can leave him to sort his own contact.
I’m moving house in a few weeks for the sake of my girls (nearer hospital and away from a house/village where traumatic events took place with their dad). I’ve got a mind not to tell him my new address.
The girls could tell him of course
Any ideas and opinions on what to do for the best of the girls and their future mental health gratefully received.
Ironically (and helpfully actually) as the texts came in from them last night my best mate and I were comparing notes of our own dysfunctional toxic fathers and how they’d got worse over the years in terms of neglect and woeful behaviour.
Realised right then my DDs dad is already loads more awful than he was with me. He left them stranded in a freezing unknown city a couple of years ago as they weren’t smiling ‘properly’ for a photo. Just stormed off. They were 10 & 15.
Jeesh.