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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Borrowing child’s savings...

470 replies

Quckname · 12/09/2021 12:02

Do you think the following is acceptable?

Parent has some expensive debt on credit cards. The interest free period is expiring and the parent is not able to get a loan or balance transfer to a lower rate.

Child has an instant access savings account with some money in.

Is it ok for the parent to borrow funds from the child to repay the expensive debt, as long as they ensure that the savings are repaid (with interest) before the child would have used the account?

So as not to drip feed:

  • money in the savings account was paid in by the same parent (not friends & family)
  • money would be repaid along with the compound interest that it would have accrued in savings
  • repaying to the child’s savings would take approx 3 - 4 years, compared to it taking 20 years plus to repay on the credit cards with high interest
  • child is still young so not due to receive the savings for a long time
  • the child has not been asked for their opinion because they are too young (and too generous) to make an informed decision
  • parent has explored and exhausted all other options to reduce the cost of borrowing
  • if paid off, the credit accounts will be shut down so that it is not possible to accrue large debt again

What do you think?

YABU - borrowing the money is the same as stealing, the parent shouldn’t touch the child’s savings and should repay their debt over the longer period of time at the high interest rate.

YANBU - the money will be repaid to the child’s savings, and the child will benefit from having a parent that is not stuck in long term expensive debt

OP posts:
tidesley · 12/09/2021 15:32

*£150 for my own savings - typo, should be £50

HalzTangz · 12/09/2021 15:32

How is it different.

Her money was used to pay off debt under the guise it would be repaid.

The OP is doing the same.

It's exactly the same situation, the money is the child's no matter who initially put it in the bank.

GreyhoundG1rl · 12/09/2021 15:32

@MillicentBystander101

OK *@GreyhoundG1rl* Although, you've been quite personal and actually not a very nice person as well as judgy and condescending. I'll keep my issues over yours, thanks.

Anyway, sorry for derailing OP.

Go away. Seriously, you've been quite astoundingly bizarre here.
Deathsquito · 12/09/2021 15:33

I can understand some of the responses.

I have no idea if OP is one of ‘those’ people from her posts, but having had the misfortune of being related to one, they really don’t change. They swear they have, and may even appear to at first, but they never do.

If you haven’t met the sort then you wouldn’t understand I guess.

Atalune · 12/09/2021 15:40

Do it.

BlackShadowCat · 12/09/2021 15:41

This thread is just getting more and more bizarre.

OP, as your child is young, it's not such a big deal. It's different if they are teenagers heading off to university soon.

Sort out your debts and you can start over with the savings fund.

But, for example, if you have 100 pounds a month available for your child's savings fund, I'd split it so you are saving at least half for yourself as well.

Chewbecca · 12/09/2021 15:45

It's ok in principle BUT I seriously question if the parent is able to and will pay it back. Given they have got themselves into this situation, I fear they will not.

MargosKaftan · 12/09/2021 15:50

Interesting debate. I think you should do it.

I have savings that are in my name but I've mentally /emotionally allocated to "big things for the kids"-eg I recently paid for a glamping trip at a zoo from it. The plan roughly is to give it to them as young adults, unless I've already spent it on nice experiences. This is on top of the formal savings for them dh and I have. If I needed that money for an emergency though, I would use it. (But wouldn't touch it for something fun for just me like a posh handbag etc.) It might feel very different if it was in their names though.

GrandmaSteglitszch · 12/09/2021 15:51

What you're suggesting does make numerical sense, if you're absolutely sure you can make the regular payments to your child instead of to the card company.

If it was me, and I absolutely had to do this, I'd want to pay back to my child as soon as possible.
So, the amount currently going to the child plus the amount that would be going to the credit card, to be paid in every month.

Kales29 · 12/09/2021 15:51

If the person using the money to pay off their debts is the same person who added into the savings account I wouldn't go as far as saying it's stealing as others have said but saying that if the money in the account was gifted from other friends/relatives etc then it would be.

I wouldn't do it. Just because I would be worried I couldn't pay it back in. If they believe they can pay it back, I can't see a huge problem.

This is why when I was a kid my grandparents sorted out savings accounts for us. My own dm could not be trusted with it and still couldn't now. She would just blow it. She would say she would pay it back, but she wouldn't. I am very grateful for my grandparents 💕

Yummymummy2020 · 12/09/2021 15:59

I think the wise thing is to use the money op. I don’t think it’s stealing, you have saved it the child can’t use it now and you need it to get rid of debt that would potentially impact said child due to less money to spend on them anyway!

HungryHippo11 · 12/09/2021 16:00

I would do this without a second thought. It would be different if the money have been given by a relative or inheritance, or saved by the child themselves e.g. from Christmas money. But if you saved the money for them then I don't see why not. As a family, getting out of debt is more important at this time.

jerometheturnipking · 12/09/2021 16:00

I don't see how the family being in financial difficulties while the child has savings sitting benefits the child. Family financial hardship is an extremely stressful thing for a child to go through.

CockSpadget · 12/09/2021 16:01

Only read about half of thread, but for all those who are saying they don't think OP is going to pay it back, why on earth not?? The OP has put the current money there, off their own back (whilst also paying off debt) without any obligation, so if they did that in the first place, it's highly likely they will do it again! From what we've been told there are no indications that the money won't be replaced, but several to say it will be. And if for whatever reason it isn't, then it is what it is, OP put the money there, there is no law stating parents gave to build a stash of money for their kids.

BasinHaircut · 12/09/2021 16:01

My parents did similar when I was young, but it was an endowment policy that they had taken out for her that they took back when it matured. It was only about £2k but that was a lot more back then than it is now. She was slightly older (mid secondary) and it was in her name so they discussed with her and she agreed.

They paid it back and also managed to put all 3 of us through university paying our fees (only £1k per year then though!) and rents so we only had to take minimal loans, so although at the time they were financially fucked, they managed to pull it back and do their absolute best for us.

Without that £2k they borrowed from their child though - who knows.

Do it OP. I think you sound financially sensible now. Moving the debt around on 0% cards was a great strategy whilst it lasted. Clearly you know what you are doing now and Brenda to pay it all back.

NewlyGranny · 12/09/2021 16:10

Why not put what you would have paid on the debt into DC's account via direct debit? Is this what you intend? And I think DC should know, so there's some transparency and accountability. The money was a gift to your child so it is theirs; we don't claim gifts back. Sell the plan to your DC and keep them updated on repayments and it will be a learning opportunity for them and demonstrate your trustworthiness. Do it behind their back and it will come out somehow and destroy their trust.

CockSpadget · 12/09/2021 16:12

@NewlyGranny

Why not put what you would have paid on the debt into DC's account via direct debit? Is this what you intend? And I think DC should know, so there's some transparency and accountability. The money was a gift to your child so it is theirs; we don't claim gifts back. Sell the plan to your DC and keep them updated on repayments and it will be a learning opportunity for them and demonstrate your trustworthiness. Do it behind their back and it will come out somehow and destroy their trust.
Are you serious.
BritishSummertime · 12/09/2021 16:19

I think to should do.it. Set up a standing order to the savings account for the amount you are currently paying to the credit card so the money is gone without you needing to actually transfer it & aren't any worse off

Mulhollandmagoo · 12/09/2021 16:22

@jerometheturnipking

I don't see how the family being in financial difficulties while the child has savings sitting benefits the child. Family financial hardship is an extremely stressful thing for a child to go through.
Couldn't agree more!!! Surely it makes more sense for a young child to have less inaccessible savings right now and have a debt free parent and a higher amount if savings when they do become accessible, some of these replies are crazy!
Mulhollandmagoo · 12/09/2021 16:23

@CockSpadget I really hope she isnt 😳

CecilyP · 12/09/2021 16:28

Today 15:45 Chewbecca

It's ok in principle BUT I seriously question if the parent is able to and will pay it back. Given they have got themselves into this situation, I fear they will not.

As the money in the savings account, all put in by OP, is greater than the debt, if OP had paid for things using this savings money in the first place instead of using a credit card, she would not have any debt. It sounds as if OP is way more savvy than many on this thread.

BlackShadowCat · 12/09/2021 16:35

As the money in the savings account, all put in by OP, is greater than the debt, if OP had paid for things using this savings money in the first place instead of using a credit card, she would not have any debt. It sounds as if OP is way more savvy than many on this thread.

I think the OP has been open about the fact that in the past she wasn't great with money and made mistakes. I don't think anyone can say what would have happened in the past and I think what people are saying is that it's very easy to say that you will pay it back, but it can be hard in reality.

MargosKaftan · 12/09/2021 16:36

Oh and once you've paid it back, if you can cope without say £100 a month comfortably, then save that in an account in your name. Not your dcs. So if you have a crisis again, you have money saved in your own name. If you want to give it to your dcs when they are adults, that will be your choice.

WombatChocolate · 12/09/2021 16:41

I currently save for my children on a monthly basis. They have sizeable sums in their accounts which are all money I have put in them. They are small children and have no awareness of the money.

It is my view that it is totally up to me what I do with that money. I can move it between accounts and different investments as I see fit, and I can choose to let it languish in an account paying 0.1% interest with inflation eroding it’s value, or out it in risky investments which could yield big. All the money has come from us, so if we ever needed to use it to pay for famiky things, I wouldn’t feel too bad about that. In my view, it is a sum which can increase or decrease over time due to market changes or family circumstances. It could grow lots if we do well and save more for them, or shrink if we need the money. The amount they finally receive will be what’s there when they are 18 and I expect to then guide them to save it for a hosue deposit, although I realise that if they choose to blow it, as it is theirs, I won’t have control of it after they are 18.

At one point, we took all the money out of the children’s accounts to use to help buy a house. We replaced it within 2 years. We were very happy with this.

I wouldn’t use for own purposes money which has been given by other people.

I guess, at this time, I see this as money which is to be USED for the best interests of the children. The best interests can take a variety of forms…..it could be to engage in high yield but risky investments, or safer low return investments, or for family investments like property which might yield later and benefit the children, or for food if that’s what the family need at the time. I guess ultimately, until the children are adults, I see it as an extension of our own adult money which is held in their name. So I have a sense of the value of it and want to keep it in dressing if possible, but it’s not a linear journey. We took £20k from the children’s accounts to buy a house. 2 years later we replaced it with £25k. It could be that we will sell the house we bought with the children’s money and then add more to their savings pot from the proceeds. So our decision could mean they have more in future. Or some if our decisions might mean we need to take some of the money and the value drops temporarily or in the longer term. It is a work in progress to see what we can accumulate as a famiky and for them until the point we hand it over.

If I had debt, I would use the children’s savings, especially if I had given the money, but even if I hadn’t. In all liklihood, the kids will be better off being in a debt free or low debt household, than having a few quid in the bank and being in a family struggling with debt. Parents are the custodians of their children’s money and have to do what seems best with it. Simply putting it in an account and never touching it, in many ways seems worse to me, than making it work….and there are many ways to make money ‘work’ for a family at the current time as needed, or with a view to its growth.

CecilyP · 12/09/2021 16:46

The money was a gift to your child so it is theirs; we don't claim gifts back.

Another way of looking at it is that it wasn’t OP’s gift to give in the first place; it was the banks! And now the bank want it back and with a high rate of interest.

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