My ex was abusive in many ways. It took me years to finally escape from him. We are separated for about six years now.
He is super popular and has an active social life.
As a couple, we were extremely active in political circles and both work in related disciplines.
After our separation, I have concentrated on practical issues (housing, childcare, etc). He has never, since the separation, taken the kids overnight, or for more than a couple of hours. He also will not let me know how long or when he will take them out. He fully expects me to sit at home and be available.
I have been really fortunate to move into a relatives house and just pay bills, etc so no extra cost to either of us (I still pay half of the mortgage for the family home he lives in).
Bottom line for me, he seems to make little effort with the children, so they don’t want to spend time with him, if that makes sense?
Anyway. I go to therapy sessions. The therapist asked me to recount the last sexual encounters as a way of drawing closure on the relationship. Without much thought I tell her about our last sexual contact.
I was asleep on the sofa in the kitchen and the children were playing in the living room. He put his hand on my vagina and told me to be quiet or else the children would come into the living room.
He proceeded to tell me to “relax”, repeatedly. I was so upset and scared for the children. Who wants to discover their mother like that.
He physically restrained me and said that I needed to “come” as I was so uptight.
I did what he told me to do.
Years later, this torments me and I feel so ashamed.
If you have reached this far, sorry/thank you.