To let teen DD go to a party far away

[FancySomeChips]

DD is 16.
New friend at new college is having a party at their house 1hr 40mins away on public transport- our car has just been scrapped and I can’t afford another so I can’t drive in case of any emergencies.
It’s in a couple of weeks time on a sat night.
I don’t know this friend or her parents. Parents won’t be home until after midnight while party is going on- I believe.

Do I let her go??
Every part of me screams no, despite the understanding on how much this age group has missed out on all their rites of passage over the various lockdowns etc.
But work colleague I mentioned it to said I was really mean not to let her go.

What do you think??
Yabu- let her go
Yanbu- let her do something in the day with the friend but don’t allow her to go to the party

Firstly how would she get home, is it a sleep over ?

Depends on the arrangements if staying over I’d let her go. I’m sure there are a lot of emergencies that you can think of but the reality is that more than likely there will be no drama. The parents will be back after midnight which actually isn’t that late.

Tricky one. If she's staying over and you trust her in general, I would be inclined to let her go.

If you don’t know the girl or the parents then you know Nothing so you cannot possibly think it is normal to let her go .

Absolutely not. It’s 1 hr and 40 mins away and you couldn’t get to her in an emergency. The latter would worry me the most.

Sorry, yes, she would be staying over.

I'd let her go. 16 is quite old.

Yes, I would be OK with that. She's sleeping over so won't have to come home late. I didn't vet my kids friends at 16 & only knew a couple of their parents from the odd hello if I was dropping or they we dropping off at mine. She's 16 so I would trust her judgment.

August birthday, is 16 really that old?

Honestly - at 16 if you had said no to me, I would probably have lied and 'made arrangements' to stay at another friends house and then just gone.

I'd let her go.

Staying over: fine. No problem at all.

I would 'let' her go. She is almost an adult.

Are you serious? She is 16 and has left school.
YABVU.
There comes a point where you have to trust that you have done your job well and believe that you have raised a fully functioning young person.

1 hour and 40 minutes away by public transport could be halfway across the country or just a few miles, depending on where you are.

Unless it really is halfway across the country, let her go. She's only two years away from being able to move out completely. Even if there is an "emergency", this is the age where she needs to start learning to cope with them.

Absolutely fine, IMO. At 15 I caught public transport (a bus and several trains) from one British country to another to stay with mates and party for a weekend. I had lax parents, but I was fine as I'd been using public transport and staying over with friends for a while by then.
I wouldn't let my 15 year old do this as he hasn't had much experience of public transport due to how rurally we live, but I'm trying to encourage it so that by the time he's 16 he can travel and stay out and be safe.

I thought it was a rite of passage to go to Reading Festival at 16 after GCSEs. It certainly is round here. Can’t see that a party where she is able to sleep over is any issue at all…

I would be conflicted about this one, but only because of the bit about the parents not coming back until after midnight. If it's true, that sounds like a potential recipe for disaster on their part, not for your daughter's sake necessarily, but for for their house, the likelihood of the party getting out of control, etc.

Before making up my mind, I would get their phone number and make a call to them to introduce myself and have a chat. I would base my final decision on the vibe I get from that phone call.

I was going to say that of course you should let her go, why not? But then you wrote "every part of me screams no". Maybe your instincts are kicking in for a reason.