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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

WIBU for telling him that's not on?

28 replies

Etherel · 11/09/2021 10:04

Friend phoned me yesterday evening. Didn't even say hello, just went straight into telling me about something (minor) that had happened in his life. Lasted 1min of him telling me about his stuff before he cut the call off because another friend of his phoned. Said he'd call me back after. He'd been trying to call her for a few days, apparently. Bit taken aback at being cut off (when he hadn't even asked me anything about my day etc.), but whatever.

He didn't bother phoning back until 3 and a half hours later, by which time I'd been spending the evening with my teen. I messaged back, with a fir bit of salt, "Oh, so you could finally be arsed to ring me back" and he responded "Oh go fuck yourself". I told him how rude I thought he'd been, not greeting me, just dumping his news, then cuttig the call off for his other friend and not phoning back for hours after. Then swearing at me for a barbed comment. I told him I'm no one's second best choice.

He then proceeded to have a rant at me, saying I rip chunks out of him because I'm insecure but it's a free country, so I'm free to do so, and he is free to tell me to go fuck myself.

For background, he's always been quite selfish, dominating hour-long conversations with minute details of his interests while often barely listening to my own, unless it's a shared hobby or I have serious emotional trouble, where he is actually amazing at listening and interacting. But we're talking one conversation in, maybe, 15. Another important piece of context, I've had issues setting boundaries and am just learning to get to grips with mine.

So WIBU to tell him he was out of line? I haven't spoken to him since his rant message, nor do I rellay intend to until he's apologised. But we were meant to be going out for a celebratory meal for him next week and it seems a bit OTT not to go, while I simultaneously don't want to give him the impression he can treat me like an option when nothing better comes along (or swear at me).

OP posts:
NessieMcNessface · 11/09/2021 12:24

Sounds like you’ve dodged a bullet there; well done for standing up for yourself and making it clear you won’t be treated like that. Narcissistic tendencies are best avoided; his language towards you was completely out of order and shows an utter lack of respect for you. So now he’ll have to find someone else to bore with his endlessly minute details, let him get on with it!

Bonheurdupasse · 11/09/2021 12:31

Well done OP.

And please don’t change your mind - cut him off. Please block him.

He’s not a friend, he’s an asshole who’s been treating you as a doormat.

And also agree with @beastlyslumber above re intermittent reward.

Etherel · 11/09/2021 19:30

Fuck. That's thrown me right back into feeling like a worthless piece of shit. I have childhood trauma and PTSD from abusive relationships. I don't have to be the best friend ever, but just to know I'm worth an equal amount to others would be nice, but he literally confirmed that's not the case. Even though I've been there, daily, for the last year and a half, but apparently because his other friends were in his life earlier, they matter more, when some of them were only in monthly contact.

I feel so lost right now. Will phone Samaritans later, but shit.

OP posts:
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