Currently sat here fuming

[jessieb90]

Hi all,

Currently laid here very annoyed and wanted to see whether I'm over reacting or if I should have a convo with my other half in the morning!

My partner and I agreed that one night a week he would do the night shift so I can have a night where I don't have to get out of bed/ "uninterrupted sleep". Our DS is pretty good and usually only wakes up once or twice max so it's not too gruelling at the moment. I do the night shifts every other night of the week as my boyfriend works full time and needs to be able to concentrate but tonight/ this morning, DS has woken up (on his shift) and he's said "you change the nappy, whilst I make the bottle to bring up" - erm no! This is my "night off"! I said started to do it and expressed I wasn't happy which he replied I do that with you - yes sometimes he does but NEVER during the early morning hours feed (maybe with the exception of once or twice) and I only ever fed DS in bed when it's the morning feed (between 6 and 7) once again I never feed in bed during the night feed as it is disruptive!

Anyway, I feel robbed of my "one night off" and am on the verge of angry tears. It's probably because I'm tired but I'm thinking well I'm fuming and wide awake now I may as well have done the fucking night shift!

AIBU and over reacting or should I have a word? He's pretty good with helping overall (maybe give himself a bit more credit than he deserves) so I feel like sometimes I can't complain as I know/ hear of some woman that literally do it ALL by themselves!

Honest thoughts are appreciated!

@Outbutnotoutout

Why doesn't he look after the baby from 8pm till midnight and you go to bed early.

You can then do the night feeds and get a sleep in the day when the baby sleeps.

Great idea!

You BOTH work. He works in an office, you work in the home looking after your baby. And I bet your 'work' is much harder. Nighttime should be shared equally - alternating nights, or splitting into shifts - e.g. one of you until 2am, one of you after 2am. And good earplugs to protect the sleep of the person who is off-duty. Nip this in the bud, he isn't doing enough, and yy it absolutely isn't 'helping'!

When you initially said about him needing sleep or his job being affected I presumed he did something like a driving job, a doctor, air traffic control or similar where his inability to fully concentrate could literally cost lives, but he's talking crap, millions of parents do office jobs while having regular interrupted sleep patterns. Almost all working mums of youngs kids do for at least the first few years. Did he not realise babies wake up in the night? Is he a complete idiot? What century does he think he's in?

I remember when my first dd was a baby she was a terrible sleeper and it was my turn to have some much needed sleep (she was about 6 months old) and dh actually woke me up to ask how to make her porridge..as if the instructions weren’t on the box… I was furious 🤣. So no you’re not being unreasonable! You need sleep, he said he’d do it but maybe clarify it’s the sleep you’re desperate for not just a break from doing the change/feed.

I breastfed mine so did all nights - but that basically meant sleeping on my side with a boob in baby's mouth. DH used to help if one was unsettled by driving them around for an hour until he fell asleep. We never changed nappies overnight unless baby had leaked or pooped (which was very rare). At weekends we took it in turns to have a lie in.

"Until he fell asleep" - he being the baby, not DH!

Oh god I remember the rage. I had my lie in Saturday and dh sunday. The bitter arguments if one of us was disturbed

I think also you've got to turn things around. So if he stayed at home with child and you worked in an office full time, would he expect you to only get up once a week?

Thanks guys.

Update: had an adult conversation and he's doing the night shift again tonight and the early morning feeds too!

This lady is getting a lie in! 🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻

Enjoy your rest!

God, I feel your pain.
My ex, never sorted either of my two at night. I can quite honestly say not ever as he "worked".
One time at at about 11pm my son had been crying all day (not at all like him) I asked ex to take over as he was awake watching tv. I just wanted an hour or two to rest. He refused as he said he was about to go to bed. I walked our child round the block for 45 minutes to try and get him off. This failed and I went back home. Said ex was still there drinking wine watching tv.
This is the ex that invited all his mates and their children and partners round for our daughters second birthday. When they left he went to bed because his testicles hurt (yes he had ball ache). Leaving me to clear the mess.
So glad he is an ex.

Yay. How exciting. Hope you feel refreshed in the morning.

Oh dear poor you

These earplugs are amazing, the best I've ever used. I slept in a hotel room on holiday with DH and two children recently and didn't hear anything with these in. They'll help you sleep through the feeds your partner is doing and an eye mask might not go amiss either.

I did all the night stuff with my two babies , as in everything that needs to be done with babies through the night. I never wanted to disturb my late Husband. so did not need to have any discussions on these matters.

Sounds like a right charmer-Tell him to man up&do the job or get to f#ck..its the best thing about leaving a useless/thoughtless manchild imho-the liberating freedom from your'd'ps petulance&mindgames😉.
I did it all alone as the ex pissed off back to uk(lucky us)-it really is far easier to have a routine,rely on yourself&know where you are-as opposed to being let down,taken the piss out of&gaslighted&doubting yourself and you're supposed to feel grateful for their occasional involvement,on their terms&when itvsuits them(we had the'dad for the observing'type ,behind closed doors it was eggshelling it,pouty sulking silences with the kids or fuming slamming&huffing with me)..Mumsnet is full of these tales....nah,pass on that

F

Défense de fumer.