To ask what you’d call this behaviour?

[LBirch02]

Immature? Narc?

I was 13 when this happened - it’s about my mum who’d have been 54 at the time.

It was a school night - a Tuesday I think - sort of midweek anyway. My mum cooked a dish which was savoury but had a sweet sauce - something that seemed very similar to Duck a l’orange but I think it was pork.
Anyway, the dish wasn’t a success - I couldn’t finish it.
This seemed to affect my mum very badly. I was sitting in the back room but i could hear Dad trying to placate my mum literally all evening in the front room.
My mum was at the time 54 but because she’d cooked a meal ‘wrong’ she went into quite a negative emotional state all evening where Dad was saying repeatedly “carol (not real name) don’t worry the orange in the sauce was a bit too strong that’s all” - all evening to try , as I say to placate her. AIBU to think this is a little unusual and immature for a woman of 54? They wouldn’t want constant placating, surely?

OP
I'm going to be really honest with you and say that I rarely look at posters' histories but today I've twice looked at yours.'

With regard to this issue , 50+ is a strange place to be , so much so that it's now being introduced into the secondary schools' PSHE curriculum, and rightly so.

OP, it might be a good idea to discuss your anxieties with your GP.

I think rather than asking us what we think of your Mum's behaviour, you need to ask yourself why this is important to you now.

Menopause is absolute hell for lots of women.

I remember a few isolated incidents when I was a teenager and my mum acted absolutely bat shit crazy. However looking back this happened when she was late 40s, early 50s. Now I am approaching this stage of life I totally get it. Your hormones or lack of can make you overreact and cry at the drop of a hat. I think you are overanalysing it. It doesn’t sound like narcissistic behaviour to me!

Even at 54 you are allowed to get upset sometimes. I am an adult in my 40s and I have done such things as cried over tescos not delivering a specific ingredient in my shopping or stomped off to bed because I have run out of a particular show to watch. Mainly when tired and stressed over work.

This doesn't sound awful to me.

Maybe it was the proverbial straw that broke the camel's Carole's back.

Do you have teenage children op?

If this was an isolated incident, I would think it was just a culmination of a frustrating day where several things may have gone wrong, or that for some reason she had put a lot of store on this meal and was just very disappointed.

If it was one of a number of such incidents, I would be thinking of anxiety, insecurity, some degree of depression, or even (and I know this can become an awful cliche) hormonal effects of the menopause.

Narcissism would never occur to me in this context.

Have just looked at your previous thread on this issue. Perhaps as wheeliebin suggested it would help you to talk your concerns over with someone IRL?

Ahh the menopause

I remember, at around 50, trying to cook a meal. I'd bought the ingredients the previous day.

I sautéed the onions and went to add the meat but the meat want in the fridge. I hunted high and low, including in the freezer. Nowhere to be seen.
My darling husband popped to the local Coop to buy more meat.
He returned and I put the meat in. I then needed to add tomatoes and beans.
There were no tomatoes and beans... anywhere.
I broke down. Absolutely sobbing. I was convinced I'd bought the ingredients, but I hadn't.
Just be aware.

I think it's odd that you're still wondering about it and so fixated on your mums age.

Is there a huge cannon of backstory?

Thanks everyone I see the consensus on this one is this one isolated incident wouldn’t make my mother a narc or immature she may have had a bad day.

To answer some questions no I’ve not got teenage children. Also yes there’s a backstory I suppose but at end of the day I wanted opinions on this incident only and the overwhelming consensus is that this incident alone doesn’t show immaturity or a narc. I totally accept that.

I can remember making custard one evening which ended up all lumpy. I cried and cried. I was stressed out at the time and just thought !I can't even make custard"! give your mum a break.

Was it a one off or did that sort of thing happen a lot? There’s a big difference.

@Augusta1

It's called the menopause. My sympathy is with "Carol"

Same. If that's all you in terms of odd and negative behaviour from your mum, you are very, very lucky. What are you thinking Op? Do you not get on with your mum? At 54 with a family to look after and menopause to deal with she must have been in a challenging situation. You'll find out op.

My MIL suffered with anxiety (diagnosed) and she would have reacted like this.

My FIL is a narcissist (undiagnosed, because of course, he is perfect, everyone else is wrong 🙄 ). He would have been unpleasant to the person who didn't like it. Banged on about x y and z people who love his food. Insisted everyone else at the table liked it so the one who didn't was wrong. Wouldn't have let it drop but from a proving it was good point of view, not worrying that it wasn't.

I was a right shit at 13. I criticised my poor mums cooking many times and sometimes she got upset. Maybe it was the straw that broke the camel's back that day.

I haven’t RTFT but really?? Your mum was tired/menopausal/disappointed. Perhaps it was actually a special occasion and you can’t remember this, and she’d worked hard to please everyone.
I don’t know if you’re a mum but Jeez, it’s a relentless slog at times.

@HirplesWithHaggis

Hmm, 54. Is it at all possible that menopause hormones might be involved, rather than narc?

My guess too. I was an anxiety ridden and irrational mess through much of the menopause. It was pretty much my only symptom, but it was a distressing one.

Honestly op if that's all you can come up with to evidence a problem with your mum then you're being very unreasonable. Parents are human and they have bad days, like everyone else. Genuinely having an abusive or mentally ill parent isn't something to be coveted.

Please stop calling people ‘narcs’, it’s a meaningless buzzphrase that has been taken from an actual RARE mental health disorder called narcissistic personality disorder. Just because someone does something selfish or indeed immature they are not a ‘narc’.

I think you need to look more at your o inability to let go of anything and your desire you paint your mum in a bad light. You said they were in another room. You have no idea of the entire conversation. What was said before you were listening. It after. Or what they as a couple were dealing with. Or if your mum was ill/ tired / menopausal

I would agree with PPs, at 54 it's very likely to have been menopausal.

I'm 52 and although I've hit that time in life when I genuinely don't give two hoots about a lot of stuff, there are certain times when I can feel myself getting either very upset or angry. It's like I know it's happening but I can't stop it - definitely menopausal.

I’m confused why you even remember this and feel necessary to post on a Friday night?

I think you need to sort out your issues and stop asking strangers on the interest as I feel like there must be more to all your posts.

I’ve just read your other thread and it looks as though your mother had a problem with abusing alcohol.

Now THAT is something to be concerned about and I’m sorry you went through it.

Thank you to everyone who took the time to comment. I understand that in isolation this situation isn’t enough to classy mum as immature.