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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Son and school

21 replies

SiempreDot · 10/09/2021 19:25

We have a court order in place, having been taken to court multiple times by my son's father who was and is abusive.

Over summer, he kept him for 14 days and threatened to call the police if I tried to retrieve him. He's only legally allowed to have him 6 days in a row maximum.

This has meant that I had only seen my son for four days in three weeks so if I didn't have him this weekend, it would be four weeks by the time I was able to spend meaningful time. I communicated this to my son's father but he said he wanted him and if I turned up to school, he would phone the police.

It turned out that his dad is in Greece this weekend anyway so I decided to turn up anyway because I wasn't sure what what was going on given his dad was abroad and not spending the weekend with our son anyway.

When I arrived, they'd said someone had come to pick him up and and his dad had instructed that my son must leave an hour early to avoid me. The school did this no questions asked and I don't know where or who he's with. He's only five.

I'm really annoyed at the school for doing this. We've talked at length about previous times my son has been withheld or not allowed to attend school and we had an agreement that they would seek consent from me first, as the resident parent.

I just feel so unsure and want advice from others about how to go about this with the school and his dad and would you also be concerned? I want to know if my son won't be staying for a full weekend with his dad and would like emergency contact numbers and the address of the person but I don't know if that's reasonable.

OP posts:
SuperMoonIsKeepingMeUpToo · 10/09/2021 19:28

From what you've said I'd recommend you go to the police. You don't know where your son is and you should.

Whinge · 10/09/2021 19:30

So you have no idea where your son is?

I'd be calling the police.

underneaththeash · 10/09/2021 19:32

What an arse - why didn't you tell him to call the police when he threatened last time?

RestingPandaFace · 10/09/2021 19:34

I would call the police on the emergency number, and after a stunt like that I would take it back to court.

Brollypackedforscottishholiday · 10/09/2021 19:36

You need to seek legal advice.. And given you have a court order in your favour you need to ring the police. At the very least insist they do a welfare check in your dc...

scarpa · 10/09/2021 19:37

Is he likely to be with his dad's mum?

Call anyone he might be with and if no joy, you need to call the police.

Your son is probably absolutely fine, but currently your ex has hidden your child from you deliberately and will not let you know who with. That's more than enough reason to call the police (and I imagine will end up back in court as he's showing he can't do custody sensibly).

ufucoffee · 10/09/2021 19:37

Good grief. What a nightmare situation. Go to the police.

CheapFoodShits · 10/09/2021 19:37

How have you not contacted the police yet?

titchy · 10/09/2021 19:40

So your 5 year old has been missing for several hours and you thought you'd come on MN rather than report his abduction to the police? Hmm

winterchills · 10/09/2021 19:40

Absolutely awful 🥺I would definitely be calling the police

Notapheasantplucker · 10/09/2021 19:43

Ring the police

LittleOwl153 · 10/09/2021 19:44

I would get your sons passport blocked to ensure he isn't being taken out to his father. Especially if his father had family connections abroad.

Whinge · 10/09/2021 19:46

@LittleOwl153

I would get your sons passport blocked to ensure he isn't being taken out to his father. Especially if his father had family connections abroad.
I hadn't even thought about this. Very good advice. Although if he was taken out of school an hour early (so approx 2pm) he could be anywhere by now. Shock
ANameChangeAgain · 10/09/2021 19:46

They said "someone" had picked him up but didn't tell you who? Police, urgently!

Autumngoldleaf · 10/09/2021 19:46

You sound like a slowly boiled frog.
This is outrageous.

As pp said I'd call police immediately. You have no idea where or who he is with at all. Call police

Chloemol · 10/09/2021 19:48

Call the police now

Soontobe60 · 10/09/2021 19:48

Who did the school say he had been picked up by? Why did you not call the police when your ex failed to return your son in the holidays? This man is walking all over you and lying to you. I assume you had a solicitor when it went to court, you need to phone the police now as you don’t know where he is, and you need to contact your solicitor first thing Monday, as well as return to school to speak to the Head. Take the court agreement with you so they can see what the legal situation is.

iolaus · 10/09/2021 19:57

If he legally can only have him for 6 days in a row then why didn't you say go ahead call the police in the summer?

User5827372728 · 10/09/2021 19:58

I would call the police as well

Anotherbrokenairer · 10/09/2021 20:13

What? This can not be real!

SiempreDot · 10/09/2021 22:32

Thanks all. Called the police and spoke to them on the phone for half an hour. I felt she understood my concerns and said they'd make enquiries to find out where my son is and make sure he's safe and well. I've just gone to phone them back for an update and they've said they can't do anything because it's an issue of contact and he has PR. Feels ridiculous to me

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