Signed off with stress

[Signedoff]

Visited my doctor today and they suggested signing me off work with stress. I’ve said I’ll have to think about it as I’m really anxious about doing this, though can see 100% why they have suggested it.

I have a Director level role at a big company with good benefits and solid HR team. I know I’d be treated decently by them but I feel like this would be a huge black mark on my CV and I’d never be seen the same again.

Would my employer disclose this in future if I looked for another role? For example, I’ve completed reference requests myself that ask for ‘how many sick days has this employee taken over the last 12 months’ etc.

I’m ironically worrying myself sick about being signed off sick 🤢

Depends how bad the stress is.
My dh ignored his stress and had a mental health crisis during work (pretty bad).

You need to take time to look after yourself. I kept putting it off & putting it off because I was scared of a sick record & what people would think of me. I ended up having a breakdown & being off a lot longer than if I'd listened to doctors earlier.

It’s bad TBH. I have insomnia, I have serious anxiety. I’d call it ‘high functioning’ (not an official diagnosis!!)

It’s caused by work as the expectations on me are unreal and I’m totally burned out.

Sorry that the situation is stressful. It seems as though you agree with your doctor but are concerned about what might happen.

Not sure whether you are asking if the employer would disclose the reason for the sick leave, but the answer is no, they cannot. Its confidential between you and your GP.

If it were me, I would do as your doctor suggests or you could get worse. Look after yourself.

Could you try CBT?

I’m not sure but I think the employer can only say how many days you’ve been off, not the specifics. It would then go through occupational health and they’re usually very helpful.

Would you have to disclose to your team/seniors the reason? Surely you can just say that you are unwell. You might not even need to tell your kind manager?

If you moved then your new employer might well have to say how many days sick you’ve had, in a reference, but surely not the reason? How long is your doctor suggesting you have off?

Sounds really tough, hope the doctor made other helpful suggestions as well as the time off.

*line manager. Altho hope also kind manager!

I work in HR and respond to reference requests all the time. We would say how many days off in the past 12 months you had as sick leave but only if asked and absolutely wouldn't disclose the reason. Honestly, as an HR professional we'd want to know about this, both for your own personal health but also to try to mitigate you leaving it and leaving it then having to be signed off for much longer. It sounds like you're under a huge amount of pressure and something needs to change in terms of your workload. Can your HR department refer you to occupational health? At my company sometimes people do get signed off by their GP but other times we refer them to our Occupational Health nurse and she will sometimes advise the staff member is signed off, or reduces hours or various other options. Do you feel you can have an honest chat with your manager and HR rep about this?

Totally sympathise.
I have been in a similar situation myself in the past. You cannot underestimate the impact of stress and subsequent mental health issues that this can lead to. Follow your doctor’s advice.

That said, I didn’t. And, worse, I still wouldn’t if the situation happened again - for the same reasons and concerns you mentioned.

Sadly, such issues are still not treated as seriously in the workplace as they should be (obvs depends on industry/workplace culture/employer).

I hid my problems and tried to control them myself (sometimes through less than proud moments) which just postponed the inevitable. Taking holidays didn’t help as I was still contacted regularly.

In the end I resigned stating a mixture of “personal reasons”, the pursuit of additional training and new exciting ventures. I was fortunate that this tied in with some company turbulence that masked the real reason.

Feigned sadness and reluctance to leave enabled me to have a few months break that was explainable on a CV and backed up with supportive references.

I understand the quandary you’re going through. Best advice I can give is to learn and move on. Remember that just because you can do something and dedicate additional time to achieve it, it doesn’t mean you should.

I’m in a lesser position now than I was. But I’m happier. I am also proud that I know I can do more, but my work/life balance is understood by all and I actually get more respect the rare times I allow my professional life to extend into my personal life.

I got signed off with stress and it gave me a bit of breathing space and time to address the root causes. I engaged with HR about the reasons behind it, working together to work out what could be done to resolve the specific issue (person!)that had caused it and I also used our employee support team to organise counselling for me to help with my side of the issue (mostly anxiety too). I ended up being off for about 5 weeks in total.

What I’m trying to say is, of course it’s absolutely ok to go off with stress but simply being off won’t fix the issue that’s causing your stress. Use the time to come up with a solution, whether that be medication, counselling, raising a grievance, or moving on - mine was to move jobs and it was the right decision for me.

No one is irreplaceable. What would you say to one of your team who felt like this?
I would say virtually all of the very top people I’ve worked with- ceos, mds, chief execs, vp’s ( and mostly male) have had health issues like this. And taken time out and regrouped.
There are always options- some more palatable than others
Change yourself
Change the situation
Accept the situation
Leave
Be brave.

Please consider taking some time to rest, recover and reflect. Maybe it would help to imagine you had a physical health issue that had slowly got worse over time until eventually you saw the GP who said you needed some treatment and some time off work to recover. Would you have the treatment? Would you take the time off? Health is health whether it's physical or mental. If you don't take a break your body/mind will eventually force you to. Be kind to yourself and accept the help offered. You deserve to have a break.

References aren't allowed to talk about your sick days until they've offered the job.

I can't answer your question about reference requests. Just a thought, & not to dismiss your work stress due to unrealistic expectations & demands, but I wondered if you're possibly perimenopausal? I had similar symptoms,which initially my GP dismissed, anti-depressants were suggested, & these with CBT started when in fact I need HRT.

*needed HRT

FGS put your health first. ALWAYS.

@Signedoff

It’s bad TBH. I have insomnia, I have serious anxiety. I’d call it ‘high functioning’ (not an official diagnosis!!)

It’s caused by work as the expectations on me are unreal and I’m totally burned out.

I think some time off sounds like a good idea but you need to address the issues with work else as soon as you are back things will start to build again. Things either need to change with their expectations, how you respond to the expectations or you need to start looking for another job.

Honestly don't know, OP. I feel your pain. I'm grappling with work stress myself at the moment, and it's fucking hard.

However, if I'm really honest, I think it's risky taking time off for stress when you're at a senior level. In my experience, there is an expectation of "resilience" or the ability to suck it up because a certain level of stress just goes with the territory. I'm not saying that's right at all, and I absolutely wouldn't blacklist someone for taking time out. However, I've worked with plenty of people who would.

What are you doing to proactively manage your stress levels? I find that meditation really helps, and exercise. Eating well too, though I always revert to junk when the going gets tough...trying to break that cycle at the moment. And I'm trying to keep a sense of perspective. It's bloody hard though. I know I'm on the edge right now because of certain physical symptoms that flare up when it gets really bad.

This is some tough love, but it sounds like you're in need of it.

You would be utterly stupid not to follow your doctor's advice. Your health is absolutely not worth your career prospects. Your job should not come at the cost of your health.

I burned out six months ago. For three months I was signed off sick, before realising that recovering my health would be impossible whilst remaining in the same company with the same stress triggers. I fretted about all sorts of things that I don't give a damn about now.

Now? I'm feeling myself again and applying and interviewing for more senior and more interesting roles, as well as ones in much different career paths.

It's only a job. IT'S ONLY A JOB. There's loads more. And even if there aren't, there are different jobs that you can be happy in.

& take the time off as discussed with your GP

Thanks all, really good advice and will chat to my manager.

@PP I really hope I’m not peri menopausal as I’m only 32 but will get this checked out too

I have recent experience of similar OP. I burned out at work and have just had 2 months off with
Stress and anxiety that was bubbling over into my home life.
I applied for another role whilst I was off, I was shocked to get the job and bless them, the new employers even did a "phased return" for me and offerred mentoring and counselling at their expense.
I love my new role and its a £6k a year pay rise.
Please listen to your doctor, this is not the end of your career, it can be a new beginning.

@Signedoff - how are you doing? Did you decide to talk to your manager?

I was signed off when it's very much not the done thing in my profession. I had always been dismissive of mental health issues. However, having been in a situation where I was signed off and the physical illness I had immediately clearing up, made me realise that I was burnt out and the stress and anxiety was physically manifesting itself.

I've reassessed, taken stock and realise what I thought I wanted, I really don't.

I have a permanent issue as a constant reminder of the physical illness that will never go. I should have gone off earlier.

Go. Take the Drs advice. Reassess.