Struggling to be a working lone parent.

[Pebbledashery]

I'm working full time in a busy, stressful role in the NHS. There's real prospects in my job and can progress quickly. I'm also a lone parent to my 3 year old daughter. Her father currently has very limited involvement in her life and sees her in a contact centre, there's no certainty he will get unsupervised contact without climbing a mountain.
Little one has been ill today, had to collect her from childcare as she was sick.
Just feel so stressed, don't want to let anyone down and feel like I'm crap mum because I'm thinking about how much work I'll need to catch up on when I should be focused on making her feel better. We've been cuddling all afternoon which is really lovely. Naturally all she wants is me when she's sick, I just feel like I'm struggling to juggle working and parenting. I also keep my house very clean and tidy and feel like that sometimes restricts what I do with her. We've never done painting indoors etc because I can't deal with the mess. We go out most weekends on play dates or parks etc, I don't really know how I want to express the way I feel but everyone at work tells me I'm superwoman, but I don't feel like it :( I feel like I'm letting every one down.

I work full time with a 18month old.
Let the small things go… a bit of mess is ok because it can be cleaned up. Put a mat down and have some fun with paint etc.
There is nobody to let down. You do the best for you and your child, nobody else matters.

It will get easier but work isn’t the be all and end all. Progression is good but sometimes it doesn’t take as much effort as you think it needs too.
Take a breath. You’ve got this

You're doing an amazing job juggling everything. It's so bloody hard trying to work full time and be a good mum. You're doing the job of two parents. It's normal to constantly feel like either a shit mum or a shit employee. I used to feel the same. It gets a little easier as they get older, that's what I've found anyway.

You mentioned cleaning, would it be within your budget to get a cleaner once a week or even once a fortnight?

I’m an nhs nurse with 3 kids. It’s a juggling act but don’t put having a show home above your daughter. You’ll not get that time back. 3 is such a lovely age enjoy it. You need time for you too, that might be when she’s in bed but take care of yourself. Have a plan re the house, what you can live with but what doesn’t involve you being exhausted keeping it gleaming.

You’ll still be superwoman, just take the pressure off yourself. Do any work once she’s in bed or napping but she needs you now for lovely cuddles. Those are the things she and you will remember and cherish.

@Pebbledashery it does get easier, you have to remember your dd knows no different so when you beat yourself up it comes from you, not her.

I used to get really stressed (I ended up with cortisol levels (spelling?) so high it was impacting my health), but realised my stress didn’t actually change what I had or hasn’t done, it was what it was and once I’d realised that the things become easier to manage.

I did reduce my hours to 3 days a week for a while to help manage everything and returned to full time as things got better. X

I went part time after maternity leave and then went full time after I split up from her father, I can't really afford to take the financial hit of going part time again. Its exactly it, you feel crap in all respects. Work are so supportive and understanding of my situation and have given me 2 x wfh days to alleviate some of the strain of going in.. But I actually like going into the hospital and put so much pressure on myself to be visible. I don't want my daughter to feel like I was never there because I worked so much :( everything I do is for a better life for us x

But your version of 'better' 'and hers are probably rather different. A 3 yo won't give a shit if you don't iron the bedding, dust the skirting boards or polish the mirrors. Create a craft area with a mat and wipe clean tablecloth and just treat it as an exclusion zone. Mine are tweens now and it does get easier I promise (I'm a teacher BTW) but you do have to make a conscious choice to step back from previous ideals and reassess what matters.

Wow no painting?!?! Not even on the kitchen floor ontop of newspaper?