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AIBU?

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Original poster

To lie about dates (TW termination)

47 replies

OhFuckTwaddle · 10/09/2021 15:31

I've found out I'm pregnant and my head is a mess with what to do. The father is some one who I had a brief relationship with before some pretty serious red flags became apparent and I ended things. There is absolutely no way I could co parent with him and I'm pretty certain ending the pregnancy is the right thing to do.

This issue is the logistics of having a termination. I'm a single parent of a pre school aged DD, I don't have many friends, so it's not like I have an abundance of support. I don't have a lot of family around, those I do won't be supportive. I have one evening and one full day when DD is at her dads. I've spoke to BPAS who have estimated me to be 9 weeks along, and I have a telephone consultation In a week and a half's time. This puts me out of the time limit to get medical abortion pills by posts (which would allow me to take them on my DD free evening and hopefully get the worst over with the next day when I'm also by my self Sad).

Given that you can have a medical abortion, at a clinic, up to 24 weeks would I really be so terrible if I rang a different clinic and tweaked the dates slightly to try make it with in the time limit? If not I have no idea how I will get to and from a clinic for either a medical or surgical abortion (I live quite far away, a lot of advice suggests not driving due to pain relief but I would be a hell of a long time on public transport, and in the car tbh).

I know the whole post is a bit blunt and unemotional, I'm just trying to work out what the hell do without wasting more time Sad

OP posts:
YouMeandtheSpew · 10/09/2021 17:06

I know another posters have said this but when I had a medical abortion a) they scanned me and checked exactly how far along I was and b) it was fairly debilitating for at least 24 hours or so. I couldn’t have looked after a toddler. And I was much earlier than you are.

I’m sorry this has happened to you. Best of luck Flowers

Nosferatussidebit · 10/09/2021 17:09

Bless you. Would family help if they thought it was for other things? Dodgy smear for example? Needing LLetz treatment? I think I'd speak to the clinic and explain your predicament, they may even have volunteer drivers, I know some clinics do, they don't advertise it but it's there. If you're northwest I could help.

SisterMonicaJoansHabit · 10/09/2021 17:22

Please don't.

I nearly died having a medical termination, IN a hospital.

If I had been at home, I'd be dead.

Sorry to be so blunt. I didn't even know what happened to me could happen, and it's not as rare as I assumed.

paisley256 · 10/09/2021 18:00

They usually do their own scan before the procedure.

fizzwhizz1 · 10/09/2021 19:31

They aren't doing scans currently due to covid. (Well in the majority of straightforward cases) Its all done by phone. There's no way to tell how far gone someone is - just date of last period.

Badlucky · 10/09/2021 19:55

Can you book a room near the clinic for the night and travel home the next morning before your daughter gets home?

MrsSchadenfreude · 10/09/2021 20:04

If you have to tell your family, tell them you’re having a cystoscopy and hysteroscopy.

Lou98 · 10/09/2021 20:08

@OhFuckTwaddle I've personally never had one myself but I went with my friend a couple of years ago and they scanned her first to check on baby and presumably they can see how far along you are - ime of my early pregnancy scans there was a big difference between my 6 and 7 week one than there was my 9 week one. If they scan you and see you're as far along, they won't give you the tablet anyway surely?

CtrlU · 10/09/2021 20:10

Sorry I couldn’t give much advice but I do know that you are scanned before they proceed to any treatment anyway so I think if you tweaked the dates - they would get the exact date when they do the scan x

Good luck though and I wish you a well recovery.

Try not to worry too much about the pain. When a friend of mine had an abortion she didn’t feel any worst than period pain cramps. Which was very bareable. And only for the first few hours/ same day of having the procedure.

I know another friend of mine who had the same procedure done and again had cramping after but it was well into the evening/ night and she could control the pain with pain killers.

Thoughtcontagion · 10/09/2021 20:28

Firstly I just want to say if you were my friend I’d support you and have your daughter, I have been where you’ve been and I had an awful time and ended up in hospital as everything didn’t quite leave my body and had a nasty infection, I was so ashamed to go to the hospital for help, I kept apologising to the staff, I went to work the next day in a school because of the situation I was in, it was awful, took painkillers and just kept going. Please be kind to yourself and get support even if you just say it’s a different procedure. Take care Flowers

georgarina · 10/09/2021 20:45

Not sure what the difference would be tbh but to be safe could you tell family you need a different medical procedure as others have said?

I was in a very similar situation and told family I needed an ovarian cyst removed.

Good luck Flowers

Newnames123 · 10/09/2021 21:51

Or could you book a cheap hotel near by so you can rest then drive back in morning?

MissyMooKins · 10/09/2021 22:51

Yabu. On experience 1 day should be fine. Though don't mot tell anyone and do what I did. I went on my own and had to bus back to my town then walk the hour home. I was in a daze from the drugs as was put to sleep.was very young. I don't recomend it OP. Good luck.

MissyMooKins · 10/09/2021 22:54

I was 12 weeks. Sounds horrific saying that 20 years later.

MissyMooKins · 10/09/2021 22:57

Stupid phone keeps posting too soon. I was fine the day after OP. Maybe a little sore but not as bad as I imagined. I carried on as normal and went to college. Toddlers are harder than college but just wanted to say its not always awful.

VanGoSunflowers · 10/09/2021 23:07

Can you book a hotel room for near the clinic and rest in there until you feel well enough to drive home?
I’m sorry, that might not be helpful but I’d hate for you to lie about something like this and to have complications

trunumber · 10/09/2021 23:08

Can you afford to pay for surgical abortion on the same day? I think the healing would be much quicker.

I'm so sorry you're in this situation

RAFHercules · 10/09/2021 23:11

I think your best option is to tell DDs Dad that you need a medical procedure and it is essential that he looks after her on this date.
The only other alternative would be to ask Social services if they would step in and provide temporary Foster care? My sister is a Foster carer and has cared for several very short term placements where the parent was sick.

Maybe her Dad will step in to prevent that?

blackfriars · 12/09/2021 06:20

Have you tried contacting Abortion Support Network? They are a charity that help coordinate abortions for people in places where they are not legally available, but I wonder if they may be able to assist with the cost of a taxi/childcare in this instance.

blackfriars · 12/09/2021 06:21

Oh, and as other posters have said, safety issues aside, they will scan you so you won’t be able to tweak the dates.

ChardonnaysPetDragon · 12/09/2021 06:41

They don’t always scan, especially now with Covid, it’s possible to have everything over the phone with the pills arriving by post or courier, but there is absolutely no guarantee when the pills will work. It might not be in the timeframe you need, you cannot rely on that.
Also, the time limits on the medical options are there for a reason.

VoiceOfCommonSense · 12/09/2021 15:51

I’m so sorry that getting your abortion is causing you such an inconvenience Flowers

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