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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To have left it there

17 replies

ABitPeedOff · 10/09/2021 11:18

So this is just one thing in a list of things my husband does that makes me feel like he thinks I'm his mother.

He just seems to leave things wherever he discards of them, towel from the shower? Dropped and left on the floor. Clothes when he gets home from work? Just dropped on the floor. Coat? Just throw on the sofa. That sort of thing. I've mentioned it so many times.

He will always put stuff away but I have to literally say to him can you move X Y or Z.

Anyway, he has an expensive watch that he got as a milestone birthday present a while ago, it was a couple thousand pounds and it's one of his favourite things.

However I am sick of just finding it in random places, like on our bedroom floor for example. In his pockets in the wash basket, that sort of thing. It's already been broken once and had to be repaired because he left it somewhere he shouldn't. He takes no care of it but then is horrified if he can't find it/if it were to get damaged.

Anyway I've just been tidying up and it was just lying half way wedged down the side of the sofa cushions. I know it's because he's just chucked it on the sofa when he got in last night and it's slid down.

AIBU to have just left it there? I wouldn't be surprised if one of the kids/he jumps on the sofa when they get home later and breaks it but I just think maybe it'll teach him to actually look after his stuff better (doubt it but hey ho).

Am I being a complete bitch? Or, if it did get broken is this just a natural consequence of acting like a teenager with your belongings when you're a grown man?

If it were once or twice I'd have moved if to safety but it's literally been a conversation we've had repeatedly over the years. (He always accuses me of moving it when he loses it too!).

OP posts:
Shoxfordian · 10/09/2021 11:19

He sounds like another teenager not an adult man

ABitPeedOff · 10/09/2021 11:21

I agree. This is a moany thread but he definitely does have redeeming qualities and overall our marriage is good. This is a sticking point though and the one thing that drives me mad at him.

OP posts:
DayDate · 10/09/2021 11:24

Yes, I'd definitely leave it there until he's flapping over it. I know I shouldn't but I love finding things that are exactly where they left them. DS1 is the worst for it in this house.

Homemadearmy · 10/09/2021 12:04

If it's been broken once then he isn't going to learn, it didn't change his behaviour last time.
My ex used to drive me batty leaving things lying around and then complaining when the kids got hold of them. They learned before he did 😂

scarpa · 10/09/2021 12:05

YANBU. I did this with H's car keys - he kept leaving them in his jeans, chucking them in the washing machine, and then forgetting, then be marching around in a panic looking for them. Luckily for him I'd kept taking them out before washing (laundry is my job so I do 99% of it, he does pull his weight housework-wise, I have barely had to cook or wash up in years haha).

So I stopped checking cos I got sick of it. His car keys got washed. And £180 for a new key later, he now miraculously remembers to check his own pockets!

DayDate · 10/09/2021 12:13

We did have one memorable incident when DH's phone was missing and he accused DC of moving it. I was saying don't be ridiculous it's exactly where you left it and it turned out we'd been burgled in our sleep Shock

Dozycuntlaters · 10/09/2021 12:17

I wouldn't leave it there personally, just in case it does get broken as that would be an expensive way of proving a point. I would however, put it somewhere safe, not tell him, and see how long it is before he's looking for it and panicking.

IsolaPribby · 10/09/2021 12:20

@Dozycuntlaters

I wouldn't leave it there personally, just in case it does get broken as that would be an expensive way of proving a point. I would however, put it somewhere safe, not tell him, and see how long it is before he's looking for it and panicking.
Yes, this exactly!
Quickchangeartiste · 10/09/2021 12:29

What Dozy & Isola say. If there’s a safer place he drops it, where the kids are unlikely to damage it, relocate it .
Then leave him to it.

Noworneverever · 10/09/2021 12:32

Oh I think I would bring in a nice passive aggressive lost property box. All his things lying about put in there. With a lovely wet towel popped in top of his discarded jacket. At least all his random items would be in one place.

NoSquirrels · 10/09/2021 12:35

@Noworneverever

Oh I think I would bring in a nice passive aggressive lost property box. All his things lying about put in there. With a lovely wet towel popped in top of his discarded jacket. At least all his random items would be in one place.
Do this.
DayDate · 10/09/2021 12:36

I have a bucket where things I find when tidying up go. So people know to look there for their missing things. It started for bit's of lego. There are things that have been in that bucket for 15 years Grin

Redgeraniums · 10/09/2021 12:36

I wouldn’t leave it. But I would sit down with him and have a proper adult conversation about it all.
Saying that I leave my towel on the floor all the time

OddshoesOddsocks · 10/09/2021 12:40

I have one of these men and I have been known to implement @Noworneverever’s PA lost property box!

I’d leave the watch where it is and refuse any responsibility in getting it fixed. Don’t organise it, don’t drop it off or pick it up and definitely don’t pay! His fault, his responsibility!

Could you have a dish or something on the side where he can dump his keys/watch/phone/change/ anything he sheds as he comes through the door?

PercyPiginaWig · 10/09/2021 12:47

I would just move the watch to the dressing table or bedside locker or whatever.
Other stuff I wouldn't pick up. Nor would I ask someone to pick it up, they have eyes too and can see it just as well as I can.

I will check pockets before I do laundry, anything in them gets left on the counter but if it's a tissue the offender gets a lecture.

Youdoyoutoday · 10/09/2021 12:56

Clothes all over the floor??? He would die by those be shoved down his throat! There are no qualities redeeming enough to put up with that shit.

Kite22 · 10/09/2021 13:25

@Dozycuntlaters

I wouldn't leave it there personally, just in case it does get broken as that would be an expensive way of proving a point. I would however, put it somewhere safe, not tell him, and see how long it is before he's looking for it and panicking.
This ^

I'd just put it somewhere out of the dcs reach (mantlepiece? shelf?) in the same room.

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