AIBU to not trust again

[Tatteredlace]

We have been married over 10 years and around 6 months ago my DH did something that almost (still maybe has?) destroyed our marriage.

disclaimer I won't say what happened because everyone has different boundaries, some higher then others and it might not be "a big deal" for other people... let's just say that lots of lies, secrets etc happened and I was deeply hurt, enough that my trust in my Husband literally disintegrated.

After a mountain of heart ache, we agreed to take it slow and try again. So from my perspective, I need to work on that trust and it's a slow process... I mean, it took a decade to get to the point where I would never have questioned it. But then it was taken from me and now I need to learn how to trust him all over again.

From his perspective, he feels guilty... why shouldn't I be over it by now and 'forgive and forget' so he doesn't feel guilty anymore.

AIBU to feel like it's a process? Time heals and that's what it's going to take to for me to trust him, which COULD lead to forgiveness?
I'm not over it, mostly because we seem to now be arguing over the damage caused by his fuck up.

You don’t trust him because he’s proved himself untrustworthy. I hate this idea that you’re the one who needs to “work on that trust”, as if you are the one who has a problem.

You can “work” on whether to forgive him or not, but you’d be daft not to put safeguards in place in order to protect yourself if he fucks up again. Once bitten, twice shy seems to me to be a very sensible philosophy.

At the beginning of this year dh wasn’t as supportive to me at a time when I needed him. I just couldn’t get past it. We spent most of this year so far, in turmoil, At one point told me outright to just get over it!
It was only when he genuinely apologised, we had an honest conversation and he admitted that this situation was brought about by his actions, that we’ve been able to get past this.