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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

DC Clubs parenting disagreement

45 replies

FusionChefGeoff · 09/09/2021 20:43

During lockdowns, we both agreed (or so I thought) to think carefully about what to reintroduce as kids had no time at home and I was stressed out getting them fed / to clubs and very little downtime.

DH wants DS(9) to do yet another cricket club midweek (he's already in one) as well as football midweek, football Sat and rugby Sunday.

However, they are both in after school care (ASC) that night so will have 45 minute turn around for dinner etc. Then he will get back late (past bedtime). No time for reading / games / talking / getting sorted for tomorrow.

But DH won't finish early (won't discuss flexible working request - just refuses) so if I want to avoid this for me and for DS, it's up to me to cut my hours again. DH just says "it's fine - they can have beans on toast" but it's not just that - it's the general busy-ness he doesn't see as being a problem.

I work for my own business that has been slammed by Covid but is massively on the up at the moment. I try to be flexible and obviously more childcare stuff falls to me as I have that option. However, it's often to the detriment of my stress levels or evenings / leisure time as I'm then working to catch up if I've finished early.

DH has normal 9-5 quite flexible as wfh but may be going back into office 3 days a week at some point.

For my own sanity, I decided that if DC had a club then I would officially finish work at 3pm so they didn't have to go to after school care, I could then do dinner etc and take them to club.

But I can really only do that once a week without causing myself an issue where I'd need to work weekends / evenings to catch up.

AIBU to say DH has to finish early that day if he insists on DS joining this club?

OP posts:

Ionlydomassiveones · 09/09/2021 20:58

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at the poster's request.

Aroundtheworldin80moves · 09/09/2021 21:00

If cricket is his favourite, does he want to drop football or rugby?

Blueemeraldagain · 09/09/2021 21:00

If your DS is really and truly up for another cricket club, would he be willing to trade it for dropping another? If he is then I still think your “D”H should facilitate it.

Original poster

FusionChefGeoff · 09/09/2021 21:03

@UndertheCedartree unfortunately not the food at ASC abs BSC is shocking. This week they had 2 waffles - a honey one and a jam one

@converseandjeans DH is the coach so that's incredibly unlikely although I do make him do that one and I enjoy the house to myself for a few hours and watch them running around late whilst I have a cuppa in bed

He does take him to both football sessions too - but he just expects him to be fed and ready to go. Not the logistics of the turnaround.

I'm going to suggest we sit down at the weeken and write it all out to try to get him to see how little time DS will have and if we can try to push back on something.

OP posts:

Goldbar · 09/09/2021 21:05

Say no to the extra club.

And cancel the weekend football club as well.

Do you manage to have family days out/lazy days at the weekend or do the clubs get in the way?

Original poster

FusionChefGeoff · 09/09/2021 21:07

@converseandjeans sorry missed this one - he earns a high and solid, reliable salary.

My business on a good year earned about half but that's working part time and taking summer / Xmas off. So if I pro rated it probably equal.

If the plans I have and the current activity continues this year, I could easily be giving him a run for his money / even earning more - but only if I can dedicate enough time to it.

OP posts:

Original poster

FusionChefGeoff · 09/09/2021 21:10

@Goldbar problem is that midweek is training for football club match on Sat. So you have to train regularly or you're not in the match team. And they both act absolutely horrified if I suggest missing a match.

We do miss weekend clubs for stuff that we're invited to - but I don't organise family days out as I want more time at home not less so yes we miss out on family swimming / cinema / bowling / local attractions etc. We tend to save all that stuff for holiday.

OP posts:

Goldbar · 09/09/2021 21:10

After school nanny a couple of days a week?

likeafishneedsabike · 09/09/2021 21:11

YANBU one little bit about the nightmare of taking on another club.
However, I just wanted to say that I have a 9 year old who wants to play sport constantly. I bloody wish we could afford private school so that he could do 2/3 hours of sport as part of his school day But alas, we are the facilitators on weeknights and weekends. My hard line is that we MUST have an hour between returning from ASC and setting out to sports club, otherwise I start to lose the plot.

Goldbar · 09/09/2021 21:12

problem is that midweek is training for football club match on Sat

Ditch the rugby then? In your shoes, I couldn't cope with not having one "free" weekend day to do fun stuff.

Original poster

FusionChefGeoff · 09/09/2021 21:16

DH is the coach!! I'll throw it out there to see what they say but it does feel as if everything is a 'not an option' then all of a sudden we're stuck in this mental schedule.

OP posts:

Iloveacurry · 09/09/2021 21:16

Say you’re not doing it. 3 clubs per week is fine.

Goldbar · 09/09/2021 21:20

Sorry, didn't see that your DH is the coach. Honestly, I think one of the sports needs to go... and it should be decided by which is your DS's least favourite.

converseandjeans · 09/09/2021 21:20

fusionchef

If the plans I have and the current activity continues this year, I could easily be giving him a run for his money / even earning more - but only if I can dedicate enough time to it

Well you need to make sure you don't let him stop you.

Could DS have school dinners then he's had a main meal? Then toastie, boiled egg, beans on toast type tea would be enough?

barskits · 09/09/2021 21:21

In your OP you said 'kids'. What about your other dc - where do they fit into all this?

Original poster

FusionChefGeoff · 09/09/2021 21:25

DD is 6 and also does rugby and summer cricket (so only for about 6-8 weeks). Not keen on football (thank God) and does a school gymnastics session but that coincides with when we need childcare so doesn't add to this.

OP posts:

Muchasgracias · 09/09/2021 21:43

YANBU. I’ve had to point out to my DH that too much sporting activity every week could actually be harmful to DCs development (tennis/rugby/cricket/football/swimming/parkrun….)

Put your foot down.

Pumpkintopf · 09/09/2021 21:48

Sitting down and working it out on paper sounds like a good idea so your husband can see the reality.

Tbh, him taking his DS to the activity is the easy bit if you're having to carry the mental load of ensuring DS is properly dressed, fed and has all the kit he needs. This schedule definitely sounds too much.

Phoenix76 · 09/09/2021 22:27

I feel like I need a lay down just thinking about it op never mind doing it. It does seem an awful lot for all of you, except your dh at the moment. I hope you sort it out to yours and dcs benefit, it would be a no from me though.

Foolsrule · 09/09/2021 22:46

It is hard to fit everything in! We have M/W/F for one DC and then T/W/Th for the other, plus one Saturday activity each. They also do music in school. That said, we split it between us, use after school club one day and start work early a couple of days each so we have more afternoon/evening time free. The days when one DC isn’t doing anything in the week, they get 121 time with one of us. It can work if you’re organised, work as a team and keep up with the endless kits!

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