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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

How much do you get involved with yr7 homework?

30 replies

HomeworkIsHell · 09/09/2021 19:47

I've just written out a huge post then deleted it all as I don't want to sway either way I would just like an opinion please..

If you know your child understands the work but does a clear 5% effort then wwyd?

Technically the work is being done as requested...but it's shit and clearly shows he isn't doing what he's capable of. The teacher will see that the second she looks at it.

?

OP posts:
Original poster
HomeworkIsHell · 09/09/2021 19:52

Sorry my aibu is "am I being a shit mother for letting ds scrape by doing the bare minimum..or a shit mother for ending up in a rant every single time I help with homework"?

OP posts:
BoysRule · 09/09/2021 20:09

DS has just gone into Year 8. I took a big step back with homework involvement when he went to secondary. I didn't look at the finished work and it became clear effort was minimal and he was falling behind in subjects.

His school are a bit crap at contact (or just different from primary) and we just got his report at the end of the year saying low effort and falling behind. I massively regret not monitoring it more, he's not self motivated.

I'm going to be more pro active about expectations this year.

DaphneDeloresMoorhead · 09/09/2021 20:15

Hasnt your DS only just started back ? Dd has only had two bits so far for Spanish and English. I check her firefly account for what needs doing, make sure she's doing it to an acceptable standard and effort - as I always have done.

DaphneDeloresMoorhead · 09/09/2021 20:17

They have only just started secondary and IMO need guidance and support - or coercion if necessary. I know Dd hates me pushing her - well never mind. I'm her mum, that's my job.

OrangeTortoise · 09/09/2021 20:19

I leave my DC to it (Y7, Y9, Y11) and don't get involved unless they ask for help.

whatthejiggeries · 10/09/2021 06:28

I leave them to it

Cattitudes · 10/09/2021 06:43

In yr 7 I might cajole a child and encourage them but I would not sit down with them and check it or make them do more. I want them to learn the natural consequences of not putting in much effort - lower grades, friends doing better, lunchtime support sessions etc. They won't have me to check up on them at work/ uni. I would though offer help to a child who was struggling. Help them to find you tube videos, give hints, encourage them to find their teacher or even get a tutor as a last resort.

Cattitudes · 10/09/2021 06:46

So yes, encourage and remind them that they have homework (in yr7, not when older), help them when requested, highlight possible ways to access support but if they only put in 5% effort they need to learn it isn't sufficient.

astoundedgoat · 10/09/2021 06:47

My y8 dies all her homework in school at prep. I would definitely have been breathing down her neck if she was doing it at home, which would have been bad for both of us, so I think this way works best.

Your son’s teachers definitely know he’s not making an effort - I think it’s down to them to give him a shake up.

AnUnlikelyCombination · 10/09/2021 06:48

It would depend how much I trusted the school.

If I thought the school would notice and act, then I’d leave him to it.

If I thought the school wouldn’t notice or act, I’d have to be more involved as otherwise there would be no short term consequences and it sounds like your DS needs those in order to pull his socks up. But medium term, I’d want to communicate with the school about my concerns and hope they get better at noticing and acting.

Mummadeze · 10/09/2021 06:51

I still help my DD with homework. I offer advice and encourage improvement as it is being done. Sometimes she doesn’t need help so I let her get on with it but I would say 80% of the time I get involved

Antsinyourpanta · 10/09/2021 06:58

I have had minimal involvement in DDs homework since secondary school other than, in years 7 and 8 ensuring she actually gets on Shes year 11 now and sometimes starts homework at 9.30pm or gets up super early to do before school. It's not ideal but shes getting good grades so if it works for her...She occassionally asks for help but half if the time I am no help whatsoever! Thank god for IL visiting yesterday and one helped her with physics homework!
DS has just started and I think I may need to have more involvement as hes not generally as studious as DD. Judging from the fb and whatsapp groups I'm on a lot of parents are going to be very involved!Wink

thelegohooverer · 10/09/2021 06:59

I help ds as he has sn and very poor executive function skills. Dd is two years behind and I haven’t had to help her for for two years now. She shows me her work, and I hear spellings and tables but that’s it.

There’s no end in sight with ds. His big struggle is getting started and then getting re-started on each new subject. It could drag for hours. Quality goes out the window - our entire focus is on getting it done.

AntiMaskersAreTwats · 10/09/2021 07:07

Absolutely I will. My children are Year 3 and Year 5 and if they do a bit of homework and it’s crap with no effort it goes in the bin and they do it again. That only happens a few times before they learn that lesson.

I have friends who are mainly high flying career types who have the attitude that school deal with their child’s education and don’t get involved with homework. Every one of those children are not doing great in the lead up to GCSEs. Now they are having to throw £50 a week at tutors and try to get involved when their children are in the habit of minimal effort which is so much harder than establishing it from the start. They are children and most don’t yet have the self motivation to always do their best. I won’t be making the same mistake, trust me.

HPandTheNeverEndingBedtime · 10/09/2021 07:09

Do the school suggest how long homework should take? Set a timer and make sure that's how long it takes them and they might produce a better quality of work.

In my school, as long as its attempted we have to give them credits, I could get a scrape of paper ripped out of an old book with a couple of words scrawled across it probably written on the bus in the way in or someone else we hand in the same homework beautifully written in full sentences. I give more credits to the person who put the effort in.

Skyla2005 · 10/09/2021 07:11

Leave them to it. What's the point in endless battles and you doing the homework ? If they don't do it they have to take the consequences

KidsAreMean · 10/09/2021 07:26

I give minimal input to my children's homework. They are a year younger and am always there for questions, I give them the time and space but I try to let them get on with it. (School will refuse to mark my SEN child's homework if they think he's had help Hmm )

We did have a discussion about expectations and what they and we think is achievable. We came up with a sliding scale linked to weekend, non-educational screen time. For a fail or scraping a pass 0 minutes, going up in steps to top grade 2 hours a day. At the moment DS is on 0 minutes as he handed in a piece of unanswered work. That will last until he brings home the next piece of marked work or test. There are no consequences in school for not submitting or doing work.

HelloDulling · 10/09/2021 07:32

clearly shows he isn't doing what he's capable of. The teacher will see that the second she looks at it.

I wouldn’t assume this. He’s new to the school, they don’t know him or his capabilities at all.

Did he have homework in primary? It’s a big change to suddenly get work set every day, and one that they need help with.

SanFranBear · 10/09/2021 07:43

My children are Year 3 and Year 5 and if they do a bit of homework and it’s crap with no effort it goes in the bin and they do it again

You throw your children's homework in the bin if not done how you want it? This sounds awful - your children are still young, especially your Y3 child and whilst i take your point around children with no input, this is taking it to the opposite extreme. I bet home learning was loads of fun in your home last year!

Cocomarine · 10/09/2021 07:54

I often expanded my Y7’s homework. I didn’t think school set work that was challenging. Not that I mean every piece has to be a challenge to complete in difficulty, but could be deeper for more interest. For example, in history she had some basic stuff on the Battle of Hastings, so we watched a BBC documentary too - all with dramatised bits and fun. I want her to see homework as interesting, not a chore to be knocked off asap. If she has a list of French words to learn, we’ll have a win a prize (like a chocolate bar 😂) challenge of over the weekend she can work any into normal conversation. If it’s actually ridiculously tenuous but makes me laugh for the attempt, that also sometimes wins.

Usually, it goes down really well and she enjoys it. Occasionally I get the lame parent eye roll and back off.

It’s not all homework, and she manages plenty independently, and I can see her enjoyment in some of the extension - and dial back when it’s not working.

I am not ashamed to say that I’m aware of all her homework, and involved in some of it.

Lots of it isn’t even seen by the teacher after, let alone “marked” in any way.

OnTheBenchOfDoom · 10/09/2021 08:11

Completely the same as coco expanding and reading (watching YouTube) around a topic. I have never asked my children if they had a good day at school. They tell me what they are doing in each lesson so in History they did conditions in the trenches in WWI, maths was triangles etc.

I want her to see homework as interesting, not a chore to be knocked off asap

This ^ more than anything. Just because you are involved in year 7 does not mean that they will be relying on you later on, it sets a standard, helps them learn which websites they can trust, how to search for information relevant to the homework.

My sons are now 18 and 15. They are academically achieving well without my input. I mainly just test knowledge for exams ie history facts and dates from flashcards or quotes.

Plumbear2 · 10/09/2021 08:11

My son did this in year 7. After words from his teachers he soon changed his ways. Try not to worry he has just started high school and it's a huge adjustment.

frazzledasarock · 10/09/2021 08:16

I stayed out of it.

I know my Dc would just dig her heels in an not do work if she felt 'nagged'.

I'd do a check list, lunch box washed, uniform washed, homework done etc.

Then DD chose a career, and looked up what she needed to get into it and has been since working towards it. But she's very passionate about what she wants to do and where she wants to do it.

I think it's dependent on your DC, a friends DC has to be told what to do and sits in the same room as her and he tells him what to study next checks the work etc. That works for them.

I don't have the patience she does.

Antsinyourpanta · 10/09/2021 08:25

My DC school sets an enormous amount of homework in year 7. If they found something particularly hard (or especially interesting) we might look into it further but generally I wouldnt try to expand it.
I would actually rather the school day was slightly longer and they got less (or no) homework, although I suppose in school there is less scope for independent research and learning.

Jerble · 10/09/2021 08:50

I left mine to it but that’s because I knew the school was on top of it and would have told us if there were any problems. We get half-termly updates on how they’re doing so I waited for those.

I just checked they’d done the homework but I didn’t look at it to check the quality. Y7 is a big step up in terms of workload so the only thing I did was nag them to go and “do some homework if you have any” each evening to keep on top of it. If my children asked for help, I would help, but that was very rare.