Leaving DD Alone

[Fairycake2]

I'm after some impartial advice as I'm currently locking heads with my ex about our DD.

She's 11 and just started secondary school. Previously she went to a childminder before and after school and therefore I arranged my work around her. This included working a longer day on a Tuesday and Wednesday as she went to his from the childminder Tuesday night and I didn't collect her until after school Wednesday as he dropped her back in the morning. I worked less Mondays and Fridays so I could collect from school and my mum collected her from the childminder on a Thursday so I could work longer on this day too.

Now's she's at secondary, there is no before and after school childcare and I'm trying to mix being at home more and leaving her for an hour or so to go to the office on Monday, Wednesday, Thursday and Friday.

My ex has said he can't drop her at school on Wednesday morning now and wants to drop her back to me at 7am. I will often have left for the office by then and she doesn't want to come home and I'm not here. She's ok with me leaving earlier than her but she likes me to be around to check she's got everything etc.

Am I being unreasonable in thinking he should he should change his work (or at least try) as our agreement was I didn't collect her until after school on a Wednesday?

I'm doing my best to hold down a demanding job with very little help from her dad and find it so stressful when he just drops things like this on me. It's bad enough when he tells me he cant have her at a moments notice but luckily this isn't too often.

I realise I get much more support than some but some days I swear this is more stressful!

Sorry for the long post and thanks for reading!

@monkeysox

Have you asked her former childminder or one of her friends mums/dad's if she can go there before or after school?

Her CM now works full time in another role and he's refused to drop her at her friends house.

It's becoming clearer the more we message that as usual I'm going to have to adapt my work to accommodate him. Sadly just saying no doesn't work and I don't trust him not to just abandon her and she ends up in a state and I'm too far away to assist. I'm just really tired of being the one who has to deal with the arrangements and metal load all the time. He literally babysits!

I’m so sorry. And I wouldn’t be happy with a DC of mine only just into secondary school being left alone in the mornings - being dropped to an empty house!

Have you asked DD if she’d rather stay at home on a Weds now instead of stay overnight at her dad’s? If it’s easier for her to stay home alone of an afternoon - and maybe your mum can see her one afternoon a week still? - then perhaps the midweek overnight is no longer appropriate to the situation. Make him do more in the holidays, or pay extra CM? After school there will be clubs she can get into soon enough, or the library open for homework etc and going over to friends houses…

My only other childcare idea is a 6th former at the same school?

Of you are going to have to rearrange your hours anyway I'd have her home Tuesday night - not u till you finish work - he'll have to deal with that bit. But he'll then have to increase maintenance if he doesn't facilitate Tues eve. He can't insist on a ridiculous drop off time that the child is not comfortable with just so he doesn't have to oay for that night. Good Luck!!