I feel like I’ve made a massive mistake with DC’s Pre-School.
Background: we moved to a completely new part of UK this summer, on speaking to a friend who already lives here re pre-school they told me demand for places was high and she knew a lot of people had struggled and were being offered places at the Jan intake instead of Aug.
I panicked because of this and applied for a place when I really should have done some more research, I also let a couple of other people’s opinions sway me on where I picked, and doing so without a visit was a mistake – although at the time we were still pretty much locked down so don’t think we could have and there was the physical distance to factor in. In the end I just chose the place that was closest to work, there wasn't one directly in our catchment. Or so I thought.
My heart sank when I got there on the first day, I’ll be honest residentially the area is rough, I know I’m being very prejudice in judging on that but I know that can prove to be a problem where schooling is concerned, and people who vape outside the gates and do a lunchtime pick up in pyjamas are not my people. I put it out of my mind but, my heart sank even further when we got in there I was shocked at how shabby it looked – clearly I could only get a proper view of the outside areas but it didn’t look much better inside via the window. I’ll be honest – it reminded and still does remind me of Sid’s Yard in Toy Story, and I felt like I was letting DC down.
However, I thought no, the children seem lovely and if they enjoy it that’s all that matters. Also, the staff seemed great (we’d met them via Zoom previously) and I was instantly and still am very impressed with the staff in his room – we’ve previously opted for a childminder as whenever I visited nurseries where we used to live I’m sorry to say the staff didn’t seem great and that really put me off.
First 5 days were a dream, couldn’t get them away at the end, then for some reason they just stopped wanting to go, crying hard, hard tears at drop off, insisting on taking Ted and refusing to let it go during the session, they’ve never been a massive crier so it was a real shock. At bedtime last week they said (unprompted) ‘I don’t like nursery Mama’. I don’t know whether it was first week fluke or if something’s happened – expect if it has it’s something which might seem inconsequential to an adult.
Since then DC’s keyworker asked us to stay outside in the background and be there as a touch point during the session, this has been a nightmare with work but we’re going with it, not sure it is helping so much although I have to admit there are marginal improvements, however after chatting about it last night finally, DH who was trying to stay positive prev, said DC looks resigned and like they’re making the best of it rather than actually enjoying it. This made me feel so sad.
Staying also allowed us to observe a few things; I’m not expecting perfection, clearly I know toddlers wreck things, but I do expect general cleanliness and not an air of neglect, toys to be refreshed now and again, garden to not look completely overgrown to the point you’re dodging weeds and overgrown bushes, and every toy DC seems to bring out or pick up is actually broken or they'll be playing with a random bit that’s broken off a toy (not one which just comes apart or has parts) – it just feels like not the greatest environment, it feels a little depressing actually, and I think, well would I want to spend time here rather than at home with my nice toys. I have no comparison though so maybe this is just standard??
Also, whilst DC’s keyworker has been supportive and encouraging of us staying (we would rather not have to!) I get impression other members of staff less so (more on that), I feel like we’re quickly becoming a nuisance, I don’t want to be made to feel like a nuisance, I don’t want DC to be a nuisance.
I’m also concerned about the size of the group, it’s six inc DC and there’s only one other child of DC’s sex - I do not have a problem with this AT ALL in the broader sense and I think it’s really healthy for this not to be a definer but it would be nice for them to mix more with the children of the same age and sex – all my friends with sim age DC are the opp sex. Also, this group have all been together for over a year and apparently have a ‘strong bond’ – that feels like a tough gig to send DC into (although they do all seem really sweet).
And yesterday we had a v horrible experience which made me even more wary. They’ve wanted us to shorten DC’s sessions which means we’re arriving at pick up for the other session. Had horrible hr of trying to coax DC to get ready, grumpy as hell in the car but brightened when we got there and I even got them to leave Ted in the car (having a nice nap) – progress! Goes into the grounds and our group were getting ready to leave for an afternoon out, DC'S keyworker said no point coming in and getting into anything – totally agreed, so we were left to wait in what I would call an outdoor vestibule, whilst the others toileted – obviously this took ages as it does and I could see DC’s enthusiasm slipping away and they just sat slumped tracing a stick around in the dirt, I didn’t want to be seen to be telling them off to stop doing this and several members of staff from his session walked past and said hello but didn’t say look why don’t you come in and wait or come and do something more constructive than forlornly playing in the dirt and kicking at a loose bit of paving, but no one did they just left us there. After 15 mins of waiting DC decide they’ve had enough and wanted to go in (again progress ,I was worried any minute they were just going to walk back to the car) they even wanted to undo the gate bolts themselves, great I thought, and took a step back to let them let themselves in, at that moment one of the littlies tried to slip out on a trike and another member of staff bustled over, didn’t see me or DC and quite harshly/loudly said ‘who on earth has opened this and left this open’ so I popped my head round and said ‘Oh it was XXX’ I as then about to say they’re just coming in and wanted to do it themselves, but she talked over me and proceeded to give me and DC a bollocking for opening the gate?? I didn’t say anything as I just couldn’t quite compute why we were being told off for coming into the actual nursery they attend?? This was in front of other parents and staff – mortifying, she then proceeded to re-lock the gate whilst huffing at and eyeballing us. I looked down at DC whose lip was trembling and I just said ‘all xx wanted to do was come in’ DC just said ‘I’m going home now’ and walked off, I turned on my heel and just left as I was close to tears also.
Now you’re going to say I was being oversensitive, but she was clearly bang out of order as another member of staff caught up with us as we were getting to the car and said I heard what xxx said, she sort of made some excuse for her but asked us if we were ok and to please stay. I didn’t, no way were we going back. That just felt like the final nail in the coffin who tells of a parent and their child whose only just started and is struggling to settle off in front of other members of staff and parents and then physically stops them coming in, it just felt like all that progress was wasted.
I need to take them out don’t I? What do I do if so, give up completely for a while or try somewhere else?? In laws happy to provide childcare but I don't feel that's the answer.