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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Unwritten rules for birthday parties

38 replies

Scotwhahae1 · 09/09/2021 11:08

Only posting in AIBU for traffic, not really sure of the correct thread.

My DS and his best friend are having a joint birthday party , which, nice idea in theory, is raising a few questions in regards to etiquette.

Invites, pretty much all the children invited know both birthday boys , apart from 2/3 children are friendly with just 1 of the birthday boys. I dont want these later kids having to bring anything for my child, but how do I word this incase they feel they have to?.

Party bags , if im honest i would rather kids didn't bring any presents for DS , he has enough, but they will and with them having to bring a gift for each child, should we supply the kids with a separate party bag ? Or make sure its a really good one from both of them?

Cakes, definitely think separate birthday cakes is essential but i'm over thinking that they will compare each others cakes.

Overthinking silly things here, but I worry about offending anyone.

Does anyone have any ideas on what would be best in this situation?

OP posts:
Original poster
Scotwhahae1 · 09/09/2021 12:29

Thank you so much for your in put, after your comments of course 1 party bag is more than enough, I really over think things! I thought 2 cakes, can get 1 each and bring them out at the same time, kids can just get one or the other in the bag. We will just send out invites saying its a joint party but no mention of gifts etc

OP posts:
thelegohooverer · 09/09/2021 12:31

At parties of this kind that my dc have attended, the guest list was split so that each child received an invitation from one or other of the birthday boys. There was only one type of party bag at the end.

LittleMysSister · 09/09/2021 13:02

Yeah if it's a joint party, everything is from/for the joint party.

Fair enough two cakes so each can blow one out, just agree with the other mum what cakes to get. You could even get 2 of the same, or one sponge, one chocolate in case some of the kids don't like one or the other.

Definitely just one party bag per child.

ClaryFairchild · 09/09/2021 13:17

2 cakes, 1 awesome party bag and don't over think it. People will scale down the price of the present, or buy the child they know better a better present. It's fine!!

ClaryFairchild · 09/09/2021 13:17

Or even 1 awesome cake- maybe with 2 parts.

chesirecat99 · 09/09/2021 13:34

My DC are adults now so things might have changed...

They had a few joint parties, one with 3 kids. We made invitations that had a header/border that said something like "John, Janet and Balonz's 5th Birthday Party" so it was obvious it was a joint party but the invitation text had the name/names of the children inviting them eg "John and Janet invite you to their birthday party on 7 August etc" Although, TBF, there weren't any children invited that knew one of the children but weren't invited by them IYSWIM? I'm not sure how it would feel for a child if Janet and John had invited 10 of their classmates and you were the only child who got an invitation from just John. It's okay if they are a friend from football club or a cousin that doesn't know the other birthday child.

Everyone got one identical party bag but with twice as many gifts as normal or more expensive gifts.

We only did one giant cake and they blew out the candles together. I would probably do one big cake and 2 giant cupcakes with candles, if I were doing it now.

lanthanum · 09/09/2021 13:49

DD went to a party which was joint between four boys. The invites said just bring one gift, and they would divide them up between the boys. Excellent idea - they would each have ended up with several gifts, none of which they already had.

Jumpingintosummer · 09/09/2021 13:50

If my child is invited to a joint party I send a gift for both of we know them or a card and token sweets or book.

Definitely only one party bag but a cake each… however take that one home and give out cupcakes given covid and all!

wouldthatbeworse · 09/09/2021 16:49

We’re thinking of doing similar. Do you all not mind bringing 2 gifts even though the kids are only getting one party? I was hoping to come up with a non-grabby way Of saying ‘please only bring a gift for X’ but maybe that’s impossible

Original poster
Scotwhahae1 · 09/09/2021 23:16

@wouldthatbeworse
**Do you all not mind bringing 2 gifts even though the kids are only getting one party?

I was thinking this too? Feel its a hard deal for the kids/parents.

Loving the idea of prepacking the party bags with a different cake. One less thing to worry about at the party. I always end up demolishing the cake, cutting uneven slices with being distracted and in a hurry.

OP posts:
Oriunda · 09/09/2021 23:17

@wouldthatbeworse

We’re thinking of doing similar. Do you all not mind bringing 2 gifts even though the kids are only getting one party? I was hoping to come up with a non-grabby way Of saying ‘please only bring a gift for X’ but maybe that’s impossible
No. My thinking as a party attendee is that attending joint party saves us the effort of going to second party if the kids had had separate ones (which they would have done if not done joint).

As a host, the joint parties I’ve organised have been fairly expensive activities (ones that I might not have booked if hosting alone) and the guests more than got bang for their bucks.

Briony123 · 09/09/2021 23:22

Mine always loved sharing a cake. They so obviously loved being special together for those few moments of HB and blowing out the candles Smile

Lollipop40 · 09/09/2021 23:32

1 party bag. Each bring a cake, no they won’t compare.

Invites from both to all mutual friends. Any friends of just one of the children could get an invite just from that child.

Don’t put anything about presents (although I do think the post above which said bring one present when the party is being shared between 4 was a good idea).

I used to spend approx £8-10 on a present for 1 dc party (or sometimes less if I could find similar priced stuff in the sale). I would spend £4-£5 each if it was a shared party for 2 and £3-£3.50 each if it was between 3 etc

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