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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

WWYD dd & Weekend away

50 replies

littlehouseonthepraire · 09/09/2021 00:06

She's 6, and we're due to go away this weekend. It's been booked for a year (we're meant to go last year but covid stopped it). We're going with some other families.

Dd really doesn't want to go. We've been away on small trips loads over the summer and I think she just wants a weekend at home after starting school again. Plus it's her bfs party.

I'm half inclined to just let her stay at home with DH and I go with other DD (who does want to go). WWYD?

OP posts:

UserAtLargeAgain · 09/09/2021 08:22

I think you should go on your trip and arrange to do something with bf in lieu of the party (which I suspect is the main reason for her not wanting to go). Children (of this age anyway) don't get to dictate whether they go on family activities or not.

Derbee · 09/09/2021 08:25

@littlehouseonthepraire

No one counting on her being there , but the point about her dictating things is what's stopping me. I really don't mind if dff hi e stays, it's just if we're setting an unhealthy precedent

I think it’s setting a healthy precedent that her feelings and wishes are respected. It won’t always be possible to do what she wants, but sometimes it’s fine. This is one of those times

UserAtLargeAgain · 09/09/2021 08:29

The other point is if anyone will particularly miss DH if he's not there. I'd be miffed (as an adult) if I was hoping to see another adult at a long planned weekend away and they'd cancelled due to the whim of a 6 year old.

HerrenaHarridan · 09/09/2021 09:15

You can smell the spare the rod and spoil the child people here

Sure drag her along to prove you’re bigger and stronger. Once she knows you’re boss any other behavioural issues can be quashed with a firm hand

I don’t really understand that you’ve got a workable solution that everyone happy with both you’re worried that listening to your child might somehow spoil them… I don’t think feeling listened to and heard is what is going to spoil a child somehow

Original poster

littlehouseonthepraire · 09/09/2021 09:27

@UserAtLargeAgain that's probably the point to take into consideration here. I hadn't really thought much about that. Husband is not individually friends with the people we're going with but I'm sure he would be missed.

OP posts:

zenthoughtsonlythanks · 09/09/2021 09:45

They are adults op, they don't 'need' or shouldn't 'need' anyone else to enjoy the weekend.

It was your mistake to book a trip away at the beginning of the term, when most kids are trying to settle in and find their feet. I would own that mistake by letting your child stay at home. A missed party can sometimes have an impact on friendships and dynamics, and she is very unlikely to gain anything from the weekend away. if your dh isn't friends with the group anyway, it will make very little difference.

Hankunamatata · 09/09/2021 09:48

I wouldn't usually let an child dictate plans BUT your happy to go with other dd, dh happy to stay home and in would bend over backwards for best friends birthday party.

averythinline · 09/09/2021 09:51

I would think about whats best for her happiness if its not going to overly impact anyone else and she stay with dh and you go with other dd.....she's only 6 happiness now more important..
School has just started so probably tired too......it maybe good for you all to have special 1:1 time for both kids....and next time maybe u do something with younger and elder does something with dh..
Make it a positive choice......

UserAtLargeAgain · 09/09/2021 10:05

They are adults op, they don't 'need' or shouldn't 'need' anyone else to enjoy the weekend.

Indeed, but if you book a weekend away with particular other adults then it changes the dynamics/premise of the weekend if people drop out at the last minute. It also comes over as very flaky (family emergency is one thing, 6 year old didn't feel like it totally different) as people should stick to long standing commitments.

And in most groups of friends there are generally some people that get on better than others.

zenthoughtsonlythanks · 09/09/2021 10:12

Op's priority is to her child, not to a bunch of friends. She can text them to inform the group in advance, it would not bother us at all if the same situation happened to friends of ours. Op is not cancelling altogether so no issue in my view about flakiness.

MadeForThis · 09/09/2021 10:31

I would let her stay. It sounds like the solution that will make everyone happy. Kids have missed out on so many birthday parties since lockdown.

Original poster

littlehouseonthepraire · 09/09/2021 11:56

I find these sort of parenting decisions so hard. I know she'll have a good time once we're there, and wonder if we're bending over backwards to accommodate her. But equally, I think its good to respect her wishes. We wouldn't usually accommodate this request (it's only because of the timing of it that is making us inclined to on this occasion).

OP posts:

Movingsoon21 · 09/09/2021 12:08

Why are you even discussing it with her? When I was a kid it would be Saturday and my mum would be like “right we’re off for the weekend, have breakfast and get in the car”. I wouldn’t have been consulted about it in advance and asked for my preferences during the week to see if I still wanted to go! Kids have random whims and often can’t be bothered to do stuff but once they are there they enjoy it. Maybe give her more choice when she’s 12/13 and can stay home by herself?

Derbee · 09/09/2021 12:11

Why are you even discussing it with her?

Just silly things like respect, consent, boundaries

Original poster

littlehouseonthepraire · 09/09/2021 12:24

We've not actually discussed it with her. She's been saying she doesn't want to go ever since we mentioned it two weeks ago.

OP posts:

ConstanceGracy · 09/09/2021 12:31

She’s 6.. she’ll live if you go away and she misses one birthday party

MagnoliaBeige · 09/09/2021 12:46

I think the age of your DD is a red herring, my answer would be the same if it was an adult who changed their mind. You’ve made plans with other people and I think it’s rude to pull out unless there’s a pressing need to stay at home. It’s to do with manners and etiquette for me, not “sparing the rod”, consent etc.

UserAtLargeAgain · 09/09/2021 12:51

@Derbee

Why are you even discussing it with her?

Just silly things like respect, consent, boundaries

When my DS was 6 he announced he wasn't going to go to school any more. Was I a bad parent to insist he did? (there was no issue with school, he just preferred playing at home).

6 year olds do not get to dictate what happens to them. That's why they have parents.

user1493494961 · 09/09/2021 12:52

I think you should all go away for the weekend.

Brollypackedforscottishholiday · 09/09/2021 12:53

At 6 she needs parenting not a chat about/with grown ups making decisions...
Can't imagine my dc 6 organising/unorganising our family trips!!

AntiHop · 09/09/2021 12:54

My daughter is the same age. This is what I would do.

On this occasion, I would let her stay at home. But I would explain that under normal circumstances, previous commitments would be honoured. I would tell her that as it's the first week back at school, a weekend away is not the best timing, and being able to get to her best friend's party is a great thing, following all the covid restrictions. But I'd make sure I was clear it was an exception.

My daughter often strongly says she doesn't want to go somewhere, but ends up having a great time. Like going to a museum, or going to a party where she won't know many people. I make her go despite this, as I know she'll have fun. Sometimes I respect her request, to give her some autonomy.

FrownedUpon · 09/09/2021 12:54

She should go. I’d be very careful at letting her dictate at this age.

Nanny0gg · 09/09/2021 13:11

@littlehouseonthepraire

Although it's not this dd who has had any of that tbf.

Then one on one with the other dc might be a plan

Nanny0gg · 09/09/2021 13:13

Why is the child saying she doesn't want to go somewhere, 'dictating '?

She's entitled to an opinion

AryaStarkWolf · 09/09/2021 14:12

If you and your DH aren't bothered about him staying with her then leave her stay. It's not setting a precedent if you allow it one time, you could tell her that just so she knows though. Tell her this one time you'll allow it because of the circumstances but next time she will be coming

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