Husband being a prick

[Rebeccao]

We’re on our second day of our “holiday” off work. Unfortunately a week and a half ago I had a miscarriage. We’ve been good and strong since however I’ve obviously had lots of crying inbetween, I went to the supermarket after a jog yesterday and bled through my sport leggings and had to walk home and have been pretty low ever since. I just wanted to do something normal but everything is a reminder of our baby we lost.

Today we went for a walk and I twisted my ankle pretty badly, it’s incredibly swollen.

Today my husband I guess is just having a bad day. He’s miserable, says he feels ill, and doesn’t really want to do anything.

Post walk we drove home and I asked him to get the supermarket stuff as I sat in car because of my ankle. I asked only he get the dinner in and me some sparkling water (i don’t like tap water).

He comes back with dinner, a strawberry milkshake for him (i don’t like milk) and no water. I tell him he’s forgot my sparkling water and he strops apologises but doesn’t bother to go back in.

I can’t walk to the shop and don’t think I could drive so now I have nothing in. He said to just get a co op delivery off Deliveroo. It wasn’t the point.

I’ve pestered probably all day what’s wrong, and feeing very insecure at the moment assumed it’s me and asked down that avenue. He claims he doesn’t know what’s wrong etc but has continued being like a mopey teenager and it’s pushed me over the edge to crying for which today he has no time for.

AIBU and he’s just having a bad day?

He's grieving too, so maybe cut him some slack.
Not too much, mind you, but just for now.
I'm very sorry for your loss.

Hi,
Im so sorry about your miscarriage, it must have been really hard. It is also hard when you're going through something and the person you rely on for support is not being their most supportive self, especially when it's out of character!

Could it be that your husband is sad about the miscarriage too and it's affecting him? Or that you're on 'holiday' but it's a bit of a crap time really, everything happening and you not being in a great place. I know that sometimes when you're on holiday together it can feel like 'pressure' to enjoy yourself and then it feels a bit shit when it doesn't live up to expectations/the need to be fun. Men seem to find this particularly hard I've found!

If it was me, I would have a bath and just have some 'you' time - cry, distract yourself with TV(tiktok for me haha) and get in something comfy. Then when you feel a little bit better, maybe go and have a lighthearted chat with your husband about something completely different - try and make each other laugh and keep the conversation easy. If he's still in a mood, give him some space and try periodically throughout the evening and stuff. If he's still in a mood tomorrow maybe write how you're feeling down and either send it in a message or something? (this sometimes works for me as it is more factual and then your husband has more time to think about your point of view by rereading it).
Do you have any plans for your holiday together? Maybe cinema/date night or something?
Hope you're ok xx

So sorry for your loss.

Your husband is grieving too, as others have said.
Did you snap at him when he forgot your water?

YANBU. You are the one who had actually had the miscarriage, who has suffered physically. Maybe he is grieving, maybe he doesn't feel well, but he has not just miscarried, and lost ( still losing) lots of blood.
Whilst playing trumps with who is suffering most can sometimes be a bit childish, in this case you have clearly suffered more, and he should be looking after you even if he doesn't feel well. He could have gone back into the shop, he could have ordered whatever you need on Deliveroo, but he didn't, and that comes across to you ( and me) like he's actually more concerned about himself. And that's really sad.

I have been through similar myself, I really felt no one took seriously how ill I was after having a miscarriage, I was still passing blood weeks later, feeing weak and dizzy and struggling to look after my DC . Even the doctor didn't take me seriously until I needed an emergency D&C weeks after the event. DH just said he couldn't take time off work ( though he was fine taking time off for minor coughs and colds), and would go for a lie down when he got in, leaving me to carry on dealing with the DC. It was horrible, and I lost a little bit of respect for him, although we are still together. I brought it up recently ( it was years ago) and he said he didn't know that I had suffered and struggled so much.
I wonder if the fact that I carried on because I felt I didn't have a choice, made everyone think that I was OK.
So what I'm saying in a long-winded way, is maybe it's too soon to go running, maybe you should just take to your bed and order in whatever you need or want. If he isn't looking after you, do it for yourself. You need time to recover, physically and emotionally, and the twisted ankle is just really unfair. But treat it as signal that you should be resting. And tell him from me that he needs to man up and get his priorities straight.

Yes I did :-(

You are both going through a tough time.
Think you need to let the little things go.
Do you think he'd respond well if you just said 'lets start this week again' and just find something nice to watch together and try and not think about things for a few hours?
While it is important to talk, it doesn't need to be straight away.
I get that you want him to show you he cares but there really is no point falling out over sparkling water.
Hope you feel better soon. It will improve

I'm so sorry for your loss. Its a very painful time for both of you. Maybe cut him a little slack. Now is a time to support each other and grieve. When I miscarried my dh just didn't know how to act, he didn't want to be sad in front of me, he wanted to be strong but when we spoke properly and helped each other it was much easier for both.

So sorry again, I know how awful it is xx

Yes he's being a prick, of course he should be putting your feelings first and foremost, he did not miscarry, the very least he can do is get you some fizzy water ffs

He is grieving too. Cut each other some slack. So sorry for your loss

You're both in a pretty crappy place. Of course you've got these constant physical things that are hurting and getting to you. Its less obvious the process that he's going through, a lot of men experience quite the fog an inability to do simple things when couples lose a baby. I'm so sorry for both of you . My husband was terribly short with others when I miscarried, then suffered from every infection going. But I was pretty wrapped up in my own feelings (totally normal and ok) and it all cane to a head in an unnecessary and unhelpful argument. Breathe, get everything delivered, mutual apologies and some downtime too. When you're both suffering be gentle on yourselves.