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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To not provide childcare anymore for her

22 replies

Boredommmmm · 08/09/2021 15:01

So inspired by another thread on here, this actually happened today and I’m beyond annoyed

I have a family member who moved back to our hometown as a single mother, she works long hours one day a week. She has a school aged child and a toddler. She didn’t have childcare arrangements as she couldn’t initially afford the upfront costs of nursery, she asked me if I could help as I was on maternity leave.

I said yes because I was a single parent I know how hard it can be. That was 5 months ago, she doesn’t really have much family left up here but her brother agreed to pick her son up because it was too much to with ttwo babies, having to pick my daughter up then her son up. I told her this and she knew that I couldn’t get her son from school.

She had various family members stay for the holidays so I didn’t have to babysit. I’m starting to dread it tbh.
She came today and said she wants her to go to a different nursery when she’s eligible so won’t put her in one for the time being because it will confuse her?

Then when she left she said oh her usual childcare isn’t available, I need to pick her son up from school. I really will be stretched for time, don’t have my car today and don’t see why I should spend my money on travel for looking after other people’s kids.

I know I need to just talk to her and tell her I can’t do this anymore. It started off a favour but it’s been 6 months nearly.

OP posts:
Katisha · 08/09/2021 15:07

Get it sorted today - dont let it drag on

SunLovingMum · 08/09/2021 15:09

You need to tell her today that you’re not able to do this any longer and she needs to use a child minder or nursery. That you cannot do the school run as per your post. Give her a week if you feel right away would leave you feeling guilty. She’s crossed into CF land with it being nearly 6 months. She should have saved loads of money by now for her childcare

AryaStarkWolf · 08/09/2021 15:10

She "told" you you need to pick her son up for school, not asked? cheeky ungrateful fecker

Annoyedanddissapointed · 08/09/2021 15:11

YABU to be such a doormat

EIIa · 08/09/2021 15:11

Stop 🛑

You’re being a total wet blanket

Boredommmmm · 08/09/2021 15:13

I agree I’m definitely a doormat in this situation. I removed the panic of my childcare falling through at work and worrying I would lose my job. So that’s why I haven’t said anything.

She has had plenty of time to sort things. I’m going to uni next month and she did offer to have mine no need as I’ve arranged things but I think as a way to keep me sweet.

OP posts:
AnneLovesGilbert · 08/09/2021 15:14

6 months?! Dear god.

“I won’t be helping with childcare for x again, sure you’ll sort something out but please don’t ask me again”.

Danikm151 · 08/09/2021 15:14

Put your foot down. Theres a discretionary fund for up front costs for childcare with UC she can ask for that

Sparklesocks · 08/09/2021 15:21

She’s taking the piss out of you and will continue to do so. Push back. Her not having a back up isn’t your problem.

CatMandarin · 08/09/2021 15:23

The voting is 100% that she is being a CF at the moment

Katisha · 08/09/2021 15:28

So will you pick up the phone or just carry on doormatting as its somehow easier?

Ylvamoon · 08/09/2021 15:28

If you want to keep her sweet, just tell her that you are unable to pick her son up with the baby/ toddler as its to much for you. (As previously discussed.)
As for her toddler, you are only able to babysit until X date as you are going to go uni after that.

This way she has some warning... or just tell her NO!

Boredommmmm · 08/09/2021 15:39

No I don’t want to keep her sweet as such, just that she offered to babysit to keep me sweet. “As in I could always have yours if you need to?”

I know I’m being too soft

OP posts:
EL8888 · 08/09/2021 15:41

Yep she’s a cf, time to stop

Boredommmmm · 08/09/2021 16:51

What to do, I told her I can’t walk with the kids all that way. I don’t want to spend any money on transport and her child needs picking up from school. She said she would send money for a round trip taxi but nothing.

OP posts:
StoneofDestiny · 08/09/2021 16:58

Just say. NO, I don't want to do this anymore.

Member984815 · 08/09/2021 17:33

End the arrangement today , it's not at all convenient for you and adds stress to your life she has had loads of time to make new arrangements

5zeds · 08/09/2021 17:38

You’d be happier not doing it. She has had time to get organised. It’s ok to do what’s good for you.

Vitcserum · 08/09/2021 17:42

You just need to say ‘sorry I can’t do this for you any more, so you need to make new arrangements for little Johnny from XXX ’. Nice and clear with no explanations or excuses necessary.

flossletsfloss · 08/09/2021 19:20

Oh for gods sakes OP grow up and stand up for yourself. You say you know you are being a door mat so what's there to discuss? Stand up for yourself or put up with this type of treatment forever. End of story.

SunLovingMum · 10/09/2021 07:29

OP, what had you decided to do?

Howshouldibehave · 10/09/2021 07:31

I hope you have now spoken to her and said you aren’t doing it any more?

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