To be upset by mums comments

[PoolNooodle]

My mum has always been very vocal since I was a child about how much she hates my father she will refer to him as “her stalker” tell me that she hates him, never liked him, was never in a relationship with him he just “wouldn’t leave her alone” she tells me I’m lucky to be born as he “wasn’t her cup of tea at all” she will tell anyone that will listen that he was her stalker even strangers, she use to refer to me and my brother (she had 2 of us with him) as Gs kids growing up to single us out from our other siblings, would anyone else be upset by this? Growing up it was all I knew so was normalised but it’s now I see how wrong it is, no child should be told they were a mistake and lucky to be born surely?

U are not being unreasonable- your mother sounds weird

Consider going low or no contact, she's toxic!

She sounds vile! Who says those things to their own children?? I'm sorry you've had to grow up with that

Oh just to add her story doesn’t add up as she said she use to buy him clothes and she bought him a car apparently! He also had my older sister whilst she went to hospital to have me so why would you let a stalker babysit your older child 😕

So she had not one, but two children with someone she says she didn't like and he was her stalker.

Does she accept no responsibility in other areas of her life as well? She sounds toxic and abusive

She’s cruel as fuck saying those things to you.

I'd be cutting contact with her. She's obsessed with herself.

Your mum sounds very bitter. Maybe he didn't put up with her antics so she sees him as a challenge.
That depth of references to/ regarding your Dad doesn't really suggest she's disinterested/over him... He seems to be occupying a lot of her headspace.

I'd just go very low contact with her. If you don't see or hear from her, you don't have to put up with her crap.

Cut contact. She sounds deranged.

Have you spoken to her about how you feel and also about the discrepancies in her stories?

Don’t you ever say to her ‘why on earth did you have two children to him then’?

I’ve asked her but she said because he wouldn’t leave her alone? 😕 I had a man who use to harass me in my old area and follow me around but I didn’t have kids with him! I asked her why she didn’t just move away but apparently it was hard moving back then (she lived in a council house I don’t personally believe it was hard moving back then this was in the 80s)

Do you speak to your older sister? What does her mum say about your mum's relationship with him?

Have you ever had any contact with him? What do you want from your mother? What does your sister think?

Your Mum sounds passive and hideous. She chose to stay with this man. She could have left at any moment but she stayed with someone that she seems to have zero respect for. Most importantly though, she has given you some vile messaging about yourself and this needs to be addressed. Can you go to get some therapy for yourself and have a bit of space from this woman?

Do you think your mum has a underlying mental health problem because this is very bizarre? Extremely bizarre to be honest? I’m sorry she is saying this to you? Do you still see your dad?

Also, the singling you out thing is also hideous and called splitting. She was projecting all her crap onto you. Take this stuff to therapy too.

My sister doesn’t have the same dad and she is only 18 months older than me but she said what she seen growing up doesn’t back up my mums story but I don’t remember as much maybe I blocked it out! She said my mum would try to wind him up, according to my mum she was never in a relationship with him, we use to see my dad once a week growing up but it stopped when I was around 8 as she stopped allowing us to go their (said his house was too dirty) and he didn’t try to fight to see us then I didn’t see him again until I was 21, we’ve spoken about but he said it’s not how she says but she’s very adamant, I do believe her I’m just not sure why she would tell her own child, some things you keep from your children surely.

I do believe her I’m just not sure why she would tell her own child

Why do you believe her? You have spoken to this man and he disagrees and your older sister disagrees with what your mother said, so why do you believe her but not them? She seems unstable to be honest. I think you need some therapy to deal with the fog you're in.

She’s not unstable in any other sense, my dad doesn’t say much about it just that it’s not how he remembers it being however he does acknowledge that it was never a relationship, and my sister dislikes my mum but for other reasons, she has had injunctions out on him and she’s showed me letters that he use to send her.

Your mother sounds like an abusive horror.

Not a woman that you should be in contact with.

She is an absolute disgrace to have said those things to you.

It says EVERYTHING about her.

Protect yourself.

Why on earth do you believe her?

There are some things that you just don't tell your children. Even if she is telling the truth, why keep the letters, much less show them to you? What is she hoping to gain by making such a fuss (telling strangers etc) now, so many years later?

I have a friend who was raped by the father of her children. She divorced him, but she didn't cite the rapes in her divorce petition, and she never reported it, because she is so adamant that her children must never, ever know. Her situation is extreme, but I admire her urge to protect her children no matter what it costs her personally.

That's awful, of course she's BU and a terrible parent to boot