Feel sad that childhood is different..

[Purplelemon7]

Anyone feel sad that their children’s childhood is different to their own?

I grew up with a lot of relatives who we saw regularly (many lived in the same city and other would often visit over the holidays from abroad). I also grew up in a fairly tight knit religious community. My children are unlikely to have those experiences as the family has drifted apart after my parents generation and I’ve lost my faith so no longer part of the religious community and it makes me sad.

Everyone will have a different experience. I had only a small family when I was young, no siblings and no cousins. I don't think I was ever lonely but now I'm older looking back I was much to mature for my age because I was always with adults.
I have two children, so at least they have each other. I have a noisy house full of laughter which is very different to my own childhood. But my kids still don't have any cousins /extended family. Once the grandparents have passed away I don't think we will see any family members again which is sad. We live in a lovely area full of families but you would never know it as the streets are silent

@SeoultoSeoul Thanks, I was never part of a church, I come from a different religious background. No lighter or more inclusive versions of the community I come from. I’ll have a think about volunteering but to be honest my experience so far has been that it’s mostly older people so not sure how much it can help with creating a sense of belonging and community for my children. The community I grew up in had people off all sorts of ages and I guess being from the same ethnic minority also helped somewhat. I just need to accept that the loss of community is the price we pay for the freedom from religious dogma. It’s hard though.

@LaMadrilena

Oh, I feel this so strongly. I grew up with a big garden (not well off, just a conveniently-positioned semi!), grubbing around in the dirt with my brother, learning about plants and insects. We had a computer, but no games consoles etc. Grandparents just up the road, and lots of visits from aunties, uncles and cousins. I played out in the street with friends or at their houses.

Now I live in a small flat in a foreign country without even a balcony. No real countryside around to explore, and it's often too hot to do much outside. My 14-w-old's geographically closest cousins are too old to play with her, and the others are too far away. She'll probably spend her childhood inside, online. She's unlikely to have any siblings. I want to introduce her to the books and activities that I enjoyed, but I'm worried that'll make her "weird" to her peers. I'm too socially awkward to help her with friend relationships. I'm really sad about everything.

God...move! At least to somewhere with a garden!

@BogRollBOGOF

20 years ago my neighbourhood would have been filled with children playing out. Now the streets are empty and children aren't old enough to play out until they're too old to play. Parental anxiety, and children being occupied in formal activities/ childcare means that the children just aren't avaliable.

Children do seem to have more organised, structured lives now, reading posts on here parents seem to think they have to be constantly interacting with their children rather than leaving them to play as they wish. They do seem to be suffocated with attention.

As soon as I have half a million euros, I'll move to a house!

While most of my family lived nearby I personally found my aunts and uncles not that easy to deal with and apart from one cousin I wasn't close to any of them.

What I loved at my childhood was that our house was always open for my friends to pop over, something I stress with DD as well.

For DD I miss the freedom of just being able to walk around on her own, to school, to friends. I found it stiffling to ferry her back and forth during primary school years.

DD has three cousins but due to a huge age difference to my sister and the fact that she started having them young and I waited until I was mid-thirty they were older teens/young adults when DD came along.

I am in introvert so being surrounded within a larger community is my idea of hell but I do think it appeals to people who grew up that way and don't have family around locally.

Yes, I am a child of the 70's and my childhood had a greater amount of freedom. I lived in a village and spent summers wondering around it and the surrounding fields. I try to give my dc freedoms but it is no where near the same.

No we haven't deliberately chosen to live close to family and we bought a smaller house in an area with a community feel rather than a larger house in the city. Our kids can play out in the street as there are no cars, that's something I remember loving as a child and I wanted them to have that.

*We have deliberately

I'm pretty lucky, my kids childhood is so far quite similar to mine. We live in a village, they attend the local school and all their friends are on our doorstep. I didnt have grandparents on my doorstep growing up but there were regular visits and we had close relationships, and the same is true for my children. Actually I think we live slightly closer to family, and my kids are closer to cousins than I was, which is nice.

But generally the overall vibe is similar.

This is a classic case of you can’t have it all.

I grew up in a village. From a young age I could walk to school with my friends and play out with them. I remember going on bike rides through country lanes from quite a young age.

I did lots of activities but with the same group of people. Brownies. Dancing. All with the exact same girls who were in my class at primary school. Good in some ways, but keeps your world quite narrow and a nightmare when girls start falling out, which always happens.

We live in London now, raising two DC. They won’t experience that but what they will be able to do is probably jump on a tube with their friends from a young age and they won’t need to rely on my to give them a lift everywhere. So in some ways they will have more independence, less so in others. Their circle of friends can be wider and more varied.

Growing up i always had company to play with. There were lots of kids in the neighbourhood. My youngest DS is all alone. Families have moved out, replaced by childless households. So can't just go out and find some friends to play with. Has to be arranged and scheduled playdates.

Op have you come across Sunday assemblies?
Worth seeing if there's one near you or you could start one

www.sundayassembly.com/

Playing out is overrated. I got picked on by older kids a lot and spent most of my childhood being scared. When our parents were around we got dragged to boring grown up things where everyone smoked over us. My children have a much nicer life.

I used to feel like this too. It's only recently I've sort of gotten over it. Mainly because I visited my small, home town in another country recently and, although it was absolutely lovely to see people, it was also a bit stifling after a while.

I've clearly changed a bit after being away for so many years ! My dcs only know this version of childhood. They are very happy and contented and actually I am too. I do think it's lovely to have family round and certainly wonderful if they help out with childcare for example. We don't have that, and sometimes it has been difficult as we don't have help with the kids unless we pay for it. But ultimately, our kids really only need their parents. The other family are nice to have, but not essential. They do love to visit them too and we travel more as a result, so in a way, that's better, as they have a bit of both worlds.

@MyFloorIsLava

Playing out is overrated. I got picked on by older kids a lot and spent most of my childhood being scared. When our parents were around we got dragged to boring grown up things where everyone smoked over us. My children have a much nicer life.

Totally agree! We live in an area where I would not let me kids play out. When neighbours' kids call because they're out and want my kids to come out too, I have to tell my kids no, which is not great. But I also remember playing out and it wasn't as idyllic as it sounds tbh. And that was in a way safer area and a safer time with far fewer vehicles on the roads.

My dc has a better childhood than I had imo. Perhaps I wouldn't have said that until the last year though as we re-located to be near my family. Prior to that they were happy but I always worried about them not having that extended support network. They now have grandparents, aunts , uncles, cousins (same age) etc within 10 minutes and they love it! They also have access to extra curricular opportunities that I didn't and they have lots of friends and get to go to lots of parties/ activities.

If you're sad about the childhood your children are having think about how you can change it. Better to make changes when they're younger.